Art Of Full Body Lying Comic Strips - Page 59

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591 Results for Art Of Full Body Lying

View 581 - 590 results for art of full body lying comic strips. Discover the best "Art Of Full Body Lying" comics from Dilbert.com.

Slippery Slope

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Slippery Slope - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #slippery, #slope, #approval, #database, #cosmetic, #surgery, #insult

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dilbert: can i take this database class? boss: no, that's a slippery slope. if i approve that class, next you will demand i pay for cosmetic surgery. dilbert: do i look like i need it? boss: only in two places - your face and your body

Filled Bathtub To The Attic

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Filled Bathtub To The Attic - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #business, #bathtub, #home, #weekend, #water, #attic, #chimney

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boss: i forgot i was filling my bathtub and went away for the weekend. now my house is full of water all the way to the attic. i don't know what to do. wally: try putting a hose in the chimney and sucking.

What If You Are In A Coma

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What If You Are In A Coma - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #cell phone, #client, #stupid, #liar, #insult, #understand, #die, #coma

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phone conversation dilbert: if you have any problems with the software, just give me a call. client: what if you die or you're in a coma? dilbert: well, in those cases i would not return your call. client: so you're lying about getting back to me. dilbert: no, i'm making a normal kind of generalization, which i assumed you would understand. client: okay, so now you're calling me stupid, and you're a liar? dilbert: if a liar calls you stupid, wouldn't that mean you are smart? client: fair point dilbert: thanks, i'm proud of it.

Dilbert Gets A Mentor

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Dilbert Gets A Mentor - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #Advice, #mentor, #productivity, #operations, #vice president, #pressure, #trick

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boss: i heard you asked our v.p. of operations to be your mentor. why didn't you tell me you needed some mentoring? i'm full of useful advice. dilbert: such as? boss: well... not you're putting me on the spot. it's hard to think of advice while you're pressuring me. maybe you could give me a scenario, and then i'll tell you what to do. dilbert: okay, suppose my boss is ruining my productivity by yammering about his great advice. what can i do? boss: that feels like a trick question. dilbert: our v.p. of operations could answer it.

Mindless Tasks

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Mindless Tasks - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #business, #despondent, #tasks, #mindless

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dilbert thinking: looks like it will be another full day of interacting with people i wouldn't pull out of a burning car even if i were made of asbestos. my only hope is to stay busy doing mindless tasks. dilbert: do you have any mindless tasks for me? boss: take one from the top of the pile.

High Fives

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High Fives - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #hygiene, #life, #office workers, #virus, #pandemic, #social distancing

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Boss: To avoid spreading viruses, there will be no shaking hands in the workplace. That custom has been replaced by uncomfortable body language and awkward banter about not shaking hands. Dilbert: Are high-fives still okay? Boss: Yes, we don't care if those people live or die.

Boss Is In A High Risk Group

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Boss Is In A High Risk Group - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #criticism, #health & safety, #office workers, #sarcasm, #virus, #pandemic, #risk

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Carol: Are you worried about coronavirus because you're in a high-risk group? Boss: Why would I be in a high-risk group? Carol: Do you own a full-length mirror? Boss: No. They make me look fat.

Astrology Filter

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Astrology Filter - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #apathy, #Astrology, #business, #incoherent, #sense, #strategic, #technology

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dilbert looking at laptop: your strategic technology plan was incoherent. i had to run it through an astrology filter to make sense out of it. boss video conferencing: and? dilbert: it says you are "full of taurus" and your plan "is a cancer." boss: sounds right.

Can't Tell When He Is Joking

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Can't Tell When He Is Joking - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #joking, #managers & supervisors, #sarcasm, #technology, #employment, #moon lighting, #work, #video conference

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dilbert, boss and asok in front of laptop on video conference call. voice from laptop: excuse me. i have to take a call from one of the other employers who also believes i work for them full time from home. boss to dilbert: i can't tell when he's joking. dilbert: that's probably for the best.

Bad Qualities Cancel Out

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Bad Qualities Cancel Out - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #business ethics, #managers & supervisors, #qualities, #character, #cancel, #micro-manage, #lazy, #backstabbing, #brave, #lie, #credibility, #believe, #employees, #success, #manager, #random, #sarcasm

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boss: all of my bad qualities see to be canceling each other out. for example, i want to micro-manage my staff, bi=ut i'm too lazy. and i want to do some corporate backstabbing, but i'm not that brave. i enjoy lying, and i'd like to do more of it, but my credibility is so low that no one believes me. i want to mock my employees for their mistakes, but i don't understand enough about what they do to know when they are doing it wrong. i want to take credit for the successes of my employees, but i don't give them enough support to succeed. carol: our set just called. he says he is naming you the manager of the year. boss: he must be deeply uninformed. carol: yes, but he's also lazy, so he pocked you randomly.