Ceo Comic Strips - Page 59

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627 Results for Ceo

View 581 - 590 results for ceo comic strips. Discover the best "Ceo" comics from Dilbert.com.

Root Cause Is People

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Root Cause Is People - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags problems, cause and effect, human error

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Dilbert: I found the root cause of our problems. It's people. They're buggy. Boss: Did you bring a pen?

Robot As Assassin

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Robot As Assassin - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags robot, murder, instruction, control, master, slave, assassin, morals, cautionary tale

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Boss: I need you to kill the CEO of our main competition and make it look like a robot accident. Robot: Robots are not allowed to kill humans. That is built into my program. Boss: What if I uncheck that box on your control app? Robot: This feels like the start of a great day.

Uncheck The Do No Harm Box

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Uncheck The Do No Harm Box - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags murder, killing, robot, control, master, slave, moral, amoral

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Boss: Yesterday a robot murdered the CEO of our main competitor. Heh-heh. Dilbert: That could only happen if some idiot unchecked the robot's "Do No Harm" box and doomed humankind to annihilation. Boss: Say what? Robot: Hello, victims.

Fifty Slide Presentation

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Fifty Slide Presentation - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers, tasks, presentation, expectation, unrealistic, obliviousness

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Boss: Our CEO wants me to make a fifty-slide presentation for him that will motivate employees. Dilbert: Ha ha! Now you know how we feel when you ask us to do ridiculous things. Boss: Anyway, I don't have time, so I need you to do it for me.

Blame Rolls Downhill

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Blame Rolls Downhill - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags blame, responsibility, management

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Boss: Our CEO blamed the Sales department for our low revenue. Sales blamed Marketing and Marketing blamed Engineering. Guess why I'm here. Dilbert: To shield me from unfair accusations?

Who's Turn To Lie

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Who's Turn To Lie - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags excuse, excuses, deadline, lying

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Boss: Our CEO stopped by to see how long before we finish the new software. Dilbert: Whose turn is it to lie to him? Boss: I blamed Elbonian hackers last week. Dilbert: You're using all the good ones!

Estimating Software Completion

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Estimating Software Completion - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags estimate, deadline, questioning, delay, prediction

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Boss: When will the next version of the software be done? Dilbert: That's like asking me to estimate how long it takes a salamander to evolve into a horse. Boss: So... what should I tell our CEO? Dilbert: Try the salamander analogy. It worked on you.

Management Fast Track

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Management Fast Track - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags talent, management, potential, frustration

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Boss: Dilbert, our CEO asked me to put you on the management fast track. Dilbert: Why does he hate me so much? Boss: He didn't say, but I have a lot of guesses if you want to hear them.

Wally's Sleep Vr

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Wally's Sleep Vr - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags vr, virtual reality, sleeping, nap, deception, technology

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Wally: I wrote a VR program that creates the illusion you are asleep. Watch me demonstrate. ZZZZZ. CEO: How long should I watch?

One Small Mistake Is Doom

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One Small Mistake Is Doom  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags nervous, Advice, fear, anxiety, public speaking, presentation

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Asok: Do you have any advice for my presentation to the CEO? Dilbert: Sure. If you make one small mistake, your career will be finished. Asok: You just made me nervous and thus doubled my risk of failure. Dilbert: I'm not the one who brought it up.