Every Dollar Men Comic Strips - Page 59
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672 Results for Every Dollar Men
View 581 - 590 results for every dollar men comic strips. Discover the best "Every Dollar Men" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday April 28,
2016
Longest Date Ever
Tags #dating, #relationships, #Women, #Men, #attraction, #record, #conversation
Transcript
Dilbert: My date lasted 53 minutes. Dogbert: That's your longest yet. Was she trapped in any way, such as under rubble? Dilbert: Nope! Dogbert: Wow. How'd you do it? Dilbert: I didn't talk for the first 49 minutes.
Monday May 30,
2016
Smart People Are On Both Sides
Tags #Politics, #intelligence, #appearances, #perspective
Transcript
Dilbert: Have you ever noticed that there are smart people on both sides of every political issue? Boss: Maybe it only seems that way to you because you're not one of the smart ones. Dilbert: Do I seem smart? Wally: I didn't realize you were trying.
Thursday June 16,
2016
Dinner With A Social Justice Warrior
Tags #sjw, #internet, #personality, #political correctness, #politically correct, #flirting, #insult, #masculinity, #technology, #psychology
Transcript
Man: I'm a social justice warrior. That means I'm on our side. Do you want to go to dinner with me? Alice: No, thanks. I'm into men. Man: I am a man. Alice: Don't make me turn around and prove you wrong.
Wednesday June 22,
2016
Human Intelligence
Tags #ai, #artificial intelligence, #humans, #arguing, #human nature, #intelligence, #deception
Transcript
Wally: I started by giving the device human intelligence. Then I added human emotions. Now it answers every question by accusing you of having a secret agenda. Boss: Just like people!
Sunday July 03,
2016
Tags #punctuality, #late, #excuses, #traffic, #sleep, #time management, #health
Transcript
Tina: Sorry I'm late. Traffic was terrible. Dilbert: Isn't the traffic from your house always terrible at this time of day? Tina: Exactly! That's why I'm late every day. Dilbert: Do you see any way you could fix that? Tina: I can't control the traffic. Dilbert: You could leave earlier. Tina: Then I wouldn't get enough sleep. Dilbert; You could go to bed earlier. Tina: Then I wouldn't have time to watch Netflix until two in the morning. Do you want me to hate my life? Dilbert: I didn't until now.
Wednesday August 03,
2016
Men Who Meet 27 Criteria
Tags #dating, #attraction, #relationships
Transcript
Woman: I'm looking for a man who meets my 27 criteria for a relationship. Dilbert: I'm looking for a woman who doesn't have 27 criteria for a relationship. How am I doing? Woman: Now I have 28 criteria.
Friday August 05,
2016
Drone Defense Kills Birds
Tags #invention, #drone, #national security, #design, #birds, #flying, #collateral damage
Transcript
Boss: How's the drone defense shield design coming along? Dilbert: Super. The only risk is that it will kill every bird in the sky on day one. Boss: Don't birds have feet? They can just walk. Dilbert: I'll add that to the slide deck.
Saturday August 20,
2016
Dilbert Is Barely Trying
Tags #jobs, #progress, #problems, #expectations
Transcript
Dogbert: I've notice that you go to work every day and yet the world is still a boiling cesspool of terribleness. It's as if you're not even trying. Dilbert: I gotta go. I'm late for doing nothing useful. Dogbert: I'm already forgetting your name.
Sunday August 21,
2016
Tags #financial, #jargon, #money, #accounting, #language
Transcript
Boss: I think it is important for every employee to understand our company's income statement. I don't have time to get into all of the details, so I'll hit the high points. Compared to last year... our ebida have been amortized over an accrued market discount. Meanwhile, our capital account liabilities have a pass-through income that is far larger than our on-time costs. And the mome raths outgrabe. Too far? Dilbert: I wasn't listening.
Wednesday January 11,
2017
Coaching Ted
Tags #quitting, #fired, #annoy, #irritate, #drive away, #repel
Transcript
Boss: Ted, you have not performed up to my expectations, so I thought I would spend more time coaching you. I'll be with you every minute of the day. Ted: I quit! Catbert: I told you that would work. Boss: I didn't want to believe it.