Two Bulls Comic Strips - Page 59
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boss: thanks for working all weekend to get the project done, dilbert. i award you two motivosity bucks. dilbert: i like real money better. boss: that just cost you two motivosity bucks.
dilbert at home: i'm going to try to cancel some recurring online charges today. wish me luck. dogbert: what resistance are you expecting? dilbert: obviously, they hide their contact information, so i allocated two hours to find the right phone number. it should take about an hour to navigate their automated phone system that will keep sending me to the wrong place. if i reach a human, he'll try to divert me to their website to cancel, which i already know won't work because... ...i won't be able to find my account in their system for reasons no one will ever be able to explain. and of course, their phone support person will be using a headset microphone that garbles his already mumbled words. dogbert: but if you stick with it, you will eventually succeed? dilbert: i don't know were you got that idea.
boss: i'm happy to announce that our company has produced a vaccine for covid-19. dilbert: how did we do that? we're not even a pharma company. boss: i'm not going to lie. we had to cut some corners to get it done. dilbert: such as... boss: well, for example... we couldn't meet every single target we hoped to achieve. dilbert: how many targets did we miss? boss: only two things. dilbert: safety and efficacy? boss: okay, four things.
wally on video call with catbert: catbert: i'm issuing you a warning for your unsafe workplace. wally: i work from home. you've never seen where i live. catbert: i'm judging by your personality. you're too lazy to clean anything up, so by now it's a toxic dump. wally: that's a lucky guess. catbert: and you're too lazy to close your curtains, so by now your neighbors want to murder you. wally: that's two lucky guesses.
boss: two months ago, i asked you all for recommendations on co-workers who should be recognized for superior work. on day one, you all nominated yourselves. since then it has been quiet. dilbert: if i'm being honest, it wasn't one of your brightest ideas.