Search Results for "feel like progress"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Notice: Too many results returned for your search. Displaying the first 1000 most relevant results.

No Path To Victory

Thank you for voting.
No Path To Victory - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 30, 2018's comic on:


Tags #catch-22, #laziness, #request

View Transcript

Transcript

Woman: Do you have a minute? Wally: Can I get back to you? Woman: If I say yes, I will never hear from you. But if I say no, I'll look like a pushy jerk. I don't see a path to victory here. Wally: Have you tried lowering your expectations?

Ai For Productivity

Thank you for voting.
Ai For Productivity - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 27, 2018's comic on:


Tags #meetings, #meeting, #productivity, #obliviousness, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We started using A.I. to identify when employees are unproductive. Device: Ping ping ping ping ping ping. Boss: Looks like this meeting is setting off some alarms.

Lying To Weasels

Thank you for voting.
Lying To Weasels - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 21, 2018's comic on:


Tags #sayings, #Advice, #honesty, #truthfulness

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I keep speaking truth to power, but it isn't working for me. Wally: Try lying to weasels. It doesn't look as good on a bumper sticker but it gets the job done. Dilbert: That sounds like a terrible idea. Wally: Then why are you doing it right now?

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 17, 2018's comic on:


Tags #criticism, #jargon, #misunderstanding, #genius, #obliviousness

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Your slide deck is okay-ish. But can you make it more aspirational? Dilbert: It's just a software upgrade. Boss: Yes, yes. But I want the audience to feel it. Dilbert: They can feel the handouts. Boss: It's like you're not even trying to understand! Genius is often misunderstood. Dilbert: Do you know what else is misunderstood? Boss: Super-genius?

Good Day At Work

Thank you for voting.
Good Day At Work - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 08, 2018's comic on:


Tags #work, #morale, #engagment, #boredom, #anger, #frustration

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: How's work? Dilbert: On a good day, the frustration and anger solve for the boredom. Dogbert: What's a bad day like? Dilbert: Same as a good day but with more questions.

Smartphone Syndrome

Thank you for voting.
Smartphone Syndrome - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 07, 2018's comic on:


Tags #cell phone, #smart phone, #compulsion, #addiction, #attention, #distraction, #mental health, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Doctor: You've got a bad case of smartphone syndrome. One of hundred percent of your mental and physical problems are caused by using your phone too much. I don't feel as if I'm getting through to you. Alice texting: She's still talking. LOL.

Boiling An Ocean

Thank you for voting.
Boiling An Ocean - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 05, 2018's comic on:


Tags #compliment, #backhanded compliment, #insult, #obliviousness

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I told our boss his presentation had a low signal-to-noise ratio and he thought it was a compliment. Wally: I think you just invented my new favorite game. Working for you is like boiling an ocean. Boss: Thank you!

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 03, 2018's comic on:


Tags #work ethic, #productivity, #progress, #project, #deception

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: I finished my project! Dilbert: Shhhh! Don't let anyone hear you say that. Only one of two things can come of it. Either you'll get more work or you'll get fired for not having enough work. Asok: Then how does anyone ever finish a project around here? Wally: We don't. We manipulate our boss into adding features so our projects are never complete. Asok: Is that hard to do? Dilbert: Not as hard as you might hope. Asok: How do you like the prototype so far? Boss: It needs a red button and some cooling fins.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 27, 2018's comic on:


Tags #manipulation, #fear, #tactic, #ignorance, #jargon, #language

View Transcript

Transcript

Woman: I need help persuading your boss to bless my project. Should I use facts and logic? Dilbert: No, he hates that stuff. Woman: Maybe I could appeal to his better angels? Dilbert: His better angels wear noise-canceling headphones. Woman: Okay, fine. I'll just appeal to his self-interest. Dilbert: It would be in his best interest to avoid people like you. Woman: What do you suggest? Dilbert: We've had good outcomes using his ignorance and fear. Woman: Sign this ore else a blockchain drone will kill you in your sleep. Boss: Where's my pen!

Boring And Needy Children

Thank you for voting.
Boring And Needy Children - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 24, 2018's comic on:


Tags #parents, #mother, #interview, #children, #annoyance, #work-life balance, #Family

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Do you enjoy spending time with your children? Woman: No, they're boring and needy. They can't even hold a conversation. If I'm being honest, I prefer working long hours so I see less of them. Boss: Perfect. You're hired. Woman: I mean, I love them, but I don't like them.