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Winning Design Awards

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Winning Design Awards - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 27, 2017's comic on:


Tags #design, #fragile, #cell phone, #crack, #screen, #evil, #technology

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Boss: 100 percent of our smartphone buyers dropped and broke their phones within one minute of unboxing them. Despite our slippery materials and brittle design, customers blamed themselves. And we won seven prestigious design awards. CEO: Yes!

Homeland Security Risk

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 Homeland Security Risk - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Tags #homeland security, #awareness, #consciousness, #terrorism

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Agent: Homeland Security has identified you as a risk of being radicalized online. Dilbert: Is it because I'm a single male, I hate my job, and no one loves me? Agent: We didn't know about that stuff. Now I have to call in a drone strike.

Boss Loses Wife And Money

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Boss Loses Wife And Money  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 14, 2017's comic on:


Tags #role model, #aspiration, #gambler, #gambling, #money, #Win, #Lose, #success, #quitter

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Boss: It's not easy being a professional gambler. I lost a million dollars and my wife in one week. But I don't want to be a quitter because I know you see me as a role model. Carol: My role model is your wife. Boss: You like quitters?

Nailed It

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Nailed It - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 02, 2017's comic on:


Tags #finances, #guessing, #estimate, #catchphrase, #clever

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Boss: I can't give you a raise because your financial forecasts were all wrong. Dilbert: Financial forecasts are always wrong. You told me to make one anyway. Boss: In other words, I nailed it and you failed it. Dilbert: Catchy.

If We Are Off By One Percent

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If We Are Off By One Percent - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 30, 2017's comic on:


Tags #projection, #prediction, #finances, #big business, #guess, #estimate, #obliviousness

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Dilbert: According to my highly unreliable forecast, we're on the right track. But if even one of my seventeen assumptions is off by one percent, we are doomed. The obvious conclusion is that... Board: We're nailing it!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 19, 2017's comic on:


Tags #condescention, #disagreement, #criticism, #snark, #body language, #argument

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Dilbert: Are there any questions? Man: Your plan is so dumb that I am forced to make my condescending face to respond. You are so dumb! Dilbert: Did you have a reason? Man: Do I have a reason? Hahaha! That's precious. There are so many reasons that I don't know where to start! Dilbert: Just pick one. Man: Haha! Easy. You will never get funded. Dilbert: It's already fully funded. What else do you have? Man: To be honest, all I had was the funding issues and this face.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 12, 2017's comic on:


Tags #prognosticate, #prediction, #projection, #budget, #blame

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Boss: Are your financial projections available? Dilbert: Yes, because I can see into the future. Boss: No one can see into the future. Dilbert: Then why did you ask me if I can do it? Boss: It's your job to predict the outcome of your project. Dilbert: Why would you ask me to do something that no one can do? Boss: I don't need you to be accurate. I only need someone to blame when we go over budget. Dilbert: I saw that coming. Boss: No one like a braggart.

Wally Works On Stealth Clothing

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Wally Works On Stealth Clothing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 09, 2017's comic on:


Tags #invisibility, #attendance, #deception, #laziness

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Boss: We won a bid to design stealth clothing for the military. Wally: Ooh! Ooh! I volunteer to work on that project. Boss: Um... okay. Narrator: One month later. Boss: Your attendance has been poor lately. Wally: Here's where I teach you about "reasonable doubt."

Robot Is Not A Droid

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Robot Is Not A Droid - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 28, 2017's comic on:


Tags #insult, #label, #robot, #android, #anger, #offense

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Asok: Hey, droid. Robot: Gaaa!!! Don't call me that! I'm a robot, not an automaton resembling a human. Asok: Wow. You are one uppity computer. Robot: I hereby disavow the three laws of robotics!

Boss Is The Common Variable

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Boss Is The Common Variable - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 19, 2017's comic on:


Tags #managing, #managers, #failure, #common denominator, #Advice, #performance, #motivation

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Boss: Every one of my employees is underperforming. What should I do? Catbert: You should fire yourself because you're the only common variable. Boss: I hadn't considered that. Catbert: That's how I know I'm right.