Search Results for "shared services"
Share April 06, 1998's comic on:
Tags #mordac, #preventer of information services, #guidlines for passwords, #six characters, #include numbers and letters, #upper and lower case, #change once a month, #touture employees, #write nothing down
Man comes up to Dilbert and introduces himself, "I am Mordac, the preventer of information services. I bring new guidelines for passwords." Dilbert reads the guidelines, "'All passwords must be at least six characters long.. include numbers and letters.. include a mix of upper and lower case..'" Dilbert continues to read, "'Use different passwords for each system change once a month, do not write anything down.'" Mordac yells, "Squeal like a pig!!"
Share September 16, 1997's comic on:
Alice sits at her computer, behind her is Mordac. He says, "I am Mordac the Preventer, your liason from the information technology department." Mordac says, "I come with tales of resource shortages. Your request for our services has been denied." Alice stands up and is much taller than Mordac. She says, "I didn't request any of your services." Mordac replies, "Don't try your reverse psychology on me."
Share August 11, 1996's comic on:
The Boss sits at his desk and says into the telephone, "This voice mail message is for the whole department." The Boss continues, "Every morning from now on you'll get my 'Quality Thought of the Day.'" The Boss continues, "Today's thought is . . . Um . . ." The Boss looks in a desk drawer and continues, "Let's see . . . According to Webster's dictionary . . ." The Boss continues, "Aardvark is a burrowing African mammal that eats ants." The Boss continues, "What if we were more like that?" Dilbert sits at his desk listening to the message. The Boss continues, "I mean like the aardvark, not the ants . . ." Alice looks at her phone. The Boss stands by the printer thinking, "That's weird. Every time I leave my Quality Thought of the Day, the shared printer starts spewing resumes." Dilbert and Wally peek around the corner.
Share July 17, 1996's comic on:
Dilbert and Liz sit on a park bench. Liz says, "Um . . . When I've shared my feelings with you, I wasn't hoping you'd design an action plan to solve all of my problems." Dilbert asks, "Why else would you tell me all of your problems . . . Unless it's some demented plot to make yourself feel better at my expense?" Back at home, Dilbert tells Dogbert, "You were right. It was all a demented plot." Dogbert says, "I'm trying to gradually lift your veil of ignorance."
Share January 13, 1996's comic on:
Wally presses a button on his keyboard and thinks, "Gotta hurry. One . . . two . . . three . . ." Wally runs out of his cubicle and thinks, "I have twelve seconds to get to the shared laser printed." As Wally peers around the corner, Alice and Dilbert stand at the printer reading copies of Wally's resume. Alice says, "Guess who saved the Apollo 13 space mission." Dilbert says, "Did you know that Wally invented the cursor?"
Share June 11, 1995's comic on:
Tags #three day workshop, #sahring, #form teams, #paper airplanes, #blindfolded, #flight, #unconditional love, #co workers, #accountants, #marketers, #secreatries, #competitive lion, #workload, #eraser pilot, #group hug
An instructor stands at the front of a room and says, "Let's go around the circle and share what we learned in the three-day workshop." Wally, Dilbert and Alice sit together. Wally says, "At first I thought it was a waste of our training budget . . ." Wally says, "Then you asked us to form teams and make paper airplanes while blindfolded . . ." Wally turns to Dilbert and says, "I don't know if it was because of the darkness or the way we shared our thoughts about flight . . ." Wally says, "But suddenly I found unconditional love for my co-workers. Be they accountants, be they marketeers or be they secretaries." Wally stands on his chair and says, "As a result, I've become a competitive lion, eager to pounce on my workload and increase stockholder values!!" The instructor says, "Thank you, Wally. Dilbert, what did you learn?" Dilbert says, "I learned that you shouldn't put a little eraser-pilot in your paper airplane." Wally says, "Somebody needs a group hug."
Share December 31, 1994's comic on:
The Boss says to Dilbert, Wally and Alice, "I'm going to make your group a 'self-managed team.'" The Boss continues, "All of the vital management tasks that I've been doing will now be shared among you." Dilbert says to Wally and Alice, "Stop your work and give me a status report." Alice says, "Track your time." Wally says, "I think I'll kiss some butts."
Share March 16, 1994's comic on:
The Boss: We'll need a name for the newly reorganized department. The name should reflect how Ive seamlessly integrated engineering with food services and procurement. Dilbert: How about "chips and dips"? Wally: "Blind Ambition" Man: " The unled"
Share May 03, 1992's comic on:
Dilbert and Dogbert walk out of a restaurant. The sign in the window says, "All you can eat $7.00." A man yells, "Hey! Stop!" The waiter says, "You owe us another $14." The waiter continues, "You deliberately put more than you could eat on your plates." The man continues, "Technically, our agreement is 'all you can eat,' not 'all you can waste.'" The man thinks, "Mom wanted me to be a lawyer, but I said, 'No, food services is where I'm needed.'" Dilbert says, "I believe this is your department, Dogbert." Dogbert says, "Technically, it's all you CAN eat, not all you DO eat." The man thinks, "Ooh . . . He's good."
Share March 22, 1992's comic on:
Dogbert sits across from the Boss and says, "My code name is Dogbert. I'm an industrial spy." The Boss asks, "What makes you think my company needs your services?" Dogbert replies, "It's pretty obvious that you won't survive on your wits alone." Dogbert continues, "There's a rumor that Xypon Inc. is developing a tactical nuclear weapon to use against you." The Boss asks, "What exactly will you do for us?" Dogbert answers, "You give me fifty thousand dollars, then I disappear for a month and do secret spy things." Dogbert continues, "I'll return with information that only a spy or a regular newspaper reader could know." A man at Xypon Inc. asks, "How good are they, Dogbert?" Dogbert pulls a wagon full of money bags. He answers, "They're a bit gullible."