Search Results for "cameras record employees"
Share May 17, 1996's comic on:
The caption says, "'Due diligence' before the merger." Alice sits at a table with a man who says, "You must reveal your secrets so my company knows what it's buying." Alice points to some documents in a binder and says, "All of our projects are doomed. Most of the good employees left. Our customers are starting a class action suit . . ." The man says, "At least the building is worth something." Alice points to her throat and says, "If you feel a tickle, that's asbestos."
Share August 26, 1996's comic on:
Catbert stands on the Boss's desk and says, "Morale is low because the employees are underpaid." Catbert continues, "You can compensate by having more frequent performance reviews. They love feedback." Catbert clenches his teeth and thinks, "The hardest part is keeping a straight face." The Boss says, "Tell me again why I'd want morale to be high?"
Share September 07, 1996's comic on:
Dogbert sits on a desk. The Boss asks, "Can you program the routers to block employees from all fun Web sites?" Dogbert replies, "Why stop there? I can program the routers to block ALL useless activities." The Boss asks, "How long will that take?" Dogbert unplugs a cable and says, "Done. I've seen your business plan."
Share October 12, 1996's comic on:
Catbert sits at his desk thinking, "When I'm in a bad mood, I like to think of ways to humiliate the employees." Catbert thinks, "Hmm . . . How about an employee recognition program with a thoroughly worthless award." Catbert purrs. The Boss hands Dilbert a plaque and says, "It's pocket lint from a vice president's trousers. He was wearing them on the day he left for a better job."
Share October 29, 1996's comic on:
Catbert stands on his desk chair and types, "To: All Employees. The smell of popcorn in the office is unprofessional . . ." Wally and Alice read the e-mail message and Alice says, "He's banning popcorn! First it was tobacco, then perfume, now this . . . There's only one pollutant left." Catbert types, ". . . This brings me to the unpleasant subject of Wally . . ."
Share June 27, 1997's comic on:
The Boss, Wally, Dilbert and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "From now on, we'll nurture the passion of our rebellious employees and form strategies around them." Wally says, "We don't have any rebellious employees. The last one got fired for wearing culottes on casual day." The Boss says, "It was such a good idea in my head." Wally says, "We still have some sarcastic employees. Can you work with that?"
Share September 01, 1997's comic on:
Dilbert sits at his computer. A voice comes from the video conferencing camera on top of the monitor. "This is Dogbert the Network Systems Administrator, to all ignorant employees." Dogbert stands in front of a computer terminal. He says, "He who controls your information, controls you. I control your information." The Boss sits at his computer. Dogbert voice says, "The board of directors has appointed me Emperor for Life. Bring the pointy-haried boss to me." The Boss furiously presses a key on his keyboard and thinks, "Uh-oh! The 'escape' key isn't working!"
Share October 16, 1997's comic on:
Bill the Dinosaur says to Dogbert, "I don't understand why any intelligent investor would put money in a fund that has no track record." Dogbert says, "I try to steer clear of intelligent investors." A man comes up and hands Dogbert a bag of money. "Here's my life savings, " he says. The man says, "Do you want my name and address?" Dogbert holds the money and says, "No. I trust you."
Share November 07, 1997's comic on:
Catbert sits on The Boss's desk and says, "You don't need to reward employees." Catbert says, "Just torture them less. It will feel the same as a reward." The Boss says, "You may skip my staff meeting this week, Alice." Alice leans back, claps her hands together and says, "Thank you, thank you , thank you."
Share December 15, 1997's comic on:
The Boss says, "Dilbert, I hired some contract employees from North Elbonia to help on your project." Dilbert says, "North Elbonia is an evil totalitarian regime. My project will create top secret military technology to use against them." The Boss says, "Sure, but you have to weigh that against the fact that they're willing to work for free."