Captain Speaking Comic Strips - Page 6
87 Results for Captain Speaking
View 51 - 60 results for captain speaking comic strips. Discover the best "Captain Speaking" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share August 16, 2012's comic on:
CEO: Google has offered to buy our company for $100 million just to get our engineers. I agreed to the deal because I'm a modern day slave trader who believes engineers are property and the rest of you have no economic value. Who wrote my speech? Employee: Someone with no economic value.
Share February 10, 2010's comic on:
Dilbert says, "Our device will create enough pressure to gently push our boss's carcass out of the ductwork." FOOM! Captain says, "This is Captain Sullenberger. Don't worry about the wing; I see a koi pond down there."
Share May 15, 2010's comic on:
Ratbert's customer support Ratbert says, "You're speaking to a powerless rodent." Ratbert says, "My job is to prevent you from getting to anyone who is authorized to give refunds." Ratbert says, "I'd like to begin by asking you some creepy personal questions."
Share July 09, 2010's comic on:
Share January 16, 2009's comic on:
Dilbert says, "I have no project of my own, so I wander the cubicles offering unsolicited advice." Dilbert says, "Speaking of which, you should put a little extra thought into your cooling system design. It looks monkey-made." Dilbert says, "I'm discovering that honest and helpful are a bad combination."
Share May 28, 2009's comic on:
The boss says, "Find out how many engineers our competitors have so we can justify having that many." Dilbert says, "Sure, I'll spend a few hours comparing our apples to their oranges." The boss says, "Why does your cooperation sound like insubordination?" Dilbert says, "Aye-aye, captain!"
Share March 16, 2008's comic on:
The Boss: My management philosophy is 'measure' twice, cut once. Dilbert: That only makes sense in a narrow, and generally archaic, set of conditions. In software development, the item being cut, metaphorically speaking, is often plentiful and inexpensive. In many cases, the cost of measuring incorrectly is low compared to the time wasted doing two measurements before every action. Your philosophy is better suited for rock carving than web design. Do you have any wise sayings that involve churning your own butter, or putting saddles on dinosaurs?" The Boss: Don't bite the hand that feeds you. Dilbert: I have direct deposit."
Share August 22, 2010's comic on:
Dilbert says, "The status of my project is that apparently I died and became a ghost." Dilbert says, "I don?t remember dying, but the evidence of my untimely demise is clear." Dilbert says, "In the past week, no one has returned my phone calls or replied to my emails." Dilbert says, "When I try to print a document, I get nothing but error messages." Dilbert says, "Now all of you are looking at your phones and reading materials as if no one is speaking to you." Dilbert says, "I will now test my ghost theory by running through a living person." Dilbert says, "BOOOO!!!" Dilbert says, "Good news. I'm alive but unworthy of attention." Dogbert says, "I'm trying to watch a show."
Share July 08, 2001's comic on:
Dilbert and Wally stand in the hallway looking into the conference room where the Boss is having a meeting. Dilbert says, "They must be talking about the layoffs." Wally says, "I'd like to be a fly on that wall." Suddenly, "Poof!" and Wally is turned into a fly. Wally is seen in fly form, with his head on a fly's body. He says, "Great...the one time I get my wish..." Wally flies into the room as the Boss says, "Let's focus on our priorities and make rational budget decisions." The whole room erupts in laughter: "Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!" The Boss continues speaking as Wally flies in close to his coffee and donut. The Boss says, "Back to reality. I'll fire Ted; he creeps me out. Who else do we hate?" Wally lands on the donut as the Boss says, "Hey, my donut is gettting eaten by the world's ugliest fly!" Wally says, "Bonanza!"
Share September 22, 2013's comic on:
Dilbert: I'm panicked about my presentation tomorrow. Wally: Relax. What's the worst that could happen? Dilbert: Well, I could embarrass myself in a career-ending way. Wally: Oh. I didn't think about that one. It might be so bad that you can't even get a recommendation for a future job. Then you'd have an emotional meltdown followed by substance abuse, untreated health issues, and a lonely death. And it could all happen because of something as trivial as a typo on one of your slides. I guess I can add "comforting" to my list of things I'm no good at.