Search Results for "change seat"
Share January 23, 2000's comic on:
Wally, Catbet, Dilbert, Alice and Asok are in a meeting. Catbert says: "We're changing to a cash balance pension plan." Catbert says: "It will make the company much more competitive." Asok is sitting between an elder co-worker and Alice, Asok says: "Yippee!!! A cash balance plan is good for young employees!" The older employee stands up and says angrily to Asok: "Oh, yeah? Well it's not so good for me!" The older employee says: "I demand that you change it back!" Asok screams: "No!" The older employee throws himself on top of Asok who raises his arms in defense. The older employee says: "I'll snap you like a dried twig, you little zygote!" Asok says: "Ouch! Stop clubbing me with your artificial hip!!" Wally, Catbert and Dilbert watch the fight with no reaction. Wally says to Catbert and Dilbert: "On the plus side, they do seem more competitive."
Share November 01, 2002's comic on:
Headline: Dogbert the Attorney. Dogbert raises his hand and says, "Your honor, is it too late to change sides?" Dogbert continues, "After hearing the evidence, I want to punish my client." After a pause, Dogbert asks, "No?" The Boss glares at Dogbert. Dogbert continues, "I expect some awkward silences during the next break."
Share November 19, 2002's comic on:
Dilbert is tinkering with a machine. He says to Dogbert, "My invention will turn people into mindless sheep." Dogbert responds, "I'm curious how you'll know it works. I assume it's mostly a cosmetic change." Dilbert has been transformed into a sheep, but he doesn't know it. He continues to tinker with the machine and asks, "Dogbert, did you unplug it as I asked you?" Dogbert replies, "Couldn't be bothered."
Share November 23, 2002's comic on:
The Garbageman says to Dilbert, "You can reverse the sheep effect by signing up for a kickboxing class." The Garbageman continues, "The change will happen quickly, so be prepared." Dilbert responds, "Umm.. Okay." Dilbert is in the middle of a kickboxing class. He transforms back into a human, loses all of his wool, and finds himself naked. Dilbert thinks, "Suddenly I realize he meant 'wear pants.'"
Share August 04, 2003's comic on:
"Tina, we need some customer success stories for the web site." "The closest things we have are these complaint letters. Just change a few words." "Change 'kick' to 'kiss' and this one is done, albeit disturbingly."
Share March 26, 2004's comic on:
Ratbert: Wally is in the men's room. I've accepted a position as his seat filler. This is the proudest day of my life. I never ingrained that my career would work out so well, I want to scream to the world " look at name now" allyL false alarm. you're fired.
Share May 30, 1999's comic on:
The boss hands Alice a piece of paper. The boss says, "Alice make a few changes to this contract." Alice says, "Changes? This contract was signed months ago." The boss says, "It doesn't hurt to ask." Alice says, "You want me to ask for a sixty percent discount?" The boss says, "No one said it would be easy." Alice says, "You're asking me to be a clueless jerk in front of our primary vendor." Alice says, "Please don't ask me to do this." The boss says, "And ask if they'll change the part about "acts of God" to include poltergeists." The boss walks away and thinks, "That's why our vendors never try to steal our best employees."
Share September 26, 1999's comic on:
Caption: "Dogbert the consultant" Dogbert, Wally, The Boss and Alice are at a meeting. Dogbert presents a report. Dogbert says, "This is my final report." Dogbert says to The Boss, "I'm recommending big, big changes..." The Boss reads the report. Dogbert says, "Because I know you're too cowardly to implement them." Wally says, "So...It will be our fault if nothing improves." Dogbert says, "Exactly." The Boss is excitedly reading. The Boss says, "AAAGH!! We can't do all of this!" The Boss says, "Couldn't we just change the names of all our departments?" Dogbert says, "Those imbeciles! How dare they ignore my advice!" Wally says, "You're supposed to say that to us behind our backs later." Dogbert says, "I'm in a hurry."
Share January 08, 2005's comic on:
The Boss: Our differentiating value-added strategy is transformational change. "How was that? Does anyone feel different?" Alice: "My urge to hurl was increased a little bit." The Boss: "That's what change feels like."
Share January 13, 2005's comic on:
The boss: I must mark my terrtoy by insisting on a change to the prototype. The Boss: "Give it a wireless internet option." Dilbert: "It already had one." The Boss: "What doesn't it have?" Dilbert: "An idiot designing it."