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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 05, 2003's comic on:


Tags #evil hr dircetor, #layoffs, #improve moral, #making tough deciosn, #feel more optimistic, #your fired

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Headline: Catbert: Evil H.R. Director. Catbert is sitting behind his desk, an employee is standing before him. Catbert says, "I'm reminding everyone that layoffs can improve morale." Catbert continues, "Layoffs prove that management is capable of making tough decisions to turn things around!" The employee responds, "You're right! I do feel more optimistic now!" Catbert adds, "Secondly, you're fired."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 23, 2003's comic on:


Tags #black shoes, #cubicle, #days of our lives, #feel oddly drawn, #life has purpose, #mind altering day

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Who's today's guest cartoonist? Dilbert: This isn't my cubicle. Wally: Your horoscope says you'll have a "Mind altering" day Dilbert: I feel oddly drawn to watch "days of our lives" Wally: You look oddly drawn Dilbert: Im going to go to the mall and try on black shoes! Wally: wow! your life finally has a purpose * Answer: GO TO DILBERT.COM

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 24, 2004's comic on:


Tags #take risks, #employees afraid, #train them, #stitch goals, #punishing for failure, #raise morale, #stopped complaints

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Catbert: "According to this report, our employees are afraid to take risks." The Boss: "We can train them to take risks by giving them stretch goals and punishing them for failing!" Catbert: "We did that to raise morale." The Boss: "It stopped all the complaining, didn't it?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 24, 2004's comic on:


Tags #career day, #container, #cubicle, #bleak oppressiveness, #warp spine, #feel joy, #bochure, #kids school

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Career Day "When you grow up you'll be put in a container called a cubicle." "The bleak oppressiveness will warp your spine and destroy your capacity to feel joy." "Luckily, you'll have a boss like me to motivate you with something called fear." "May I see a brochure?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 02, 2012's comic on:


Tags #big business, #executives, #profits down, #increased compensation, #incentive, #feel underpaid

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CEO: Profits are way down, but don't worry your little heads about it. The board increased my annual compensation to $60 million. Now I finally have an incentive to do a good job! Un-oh. I'd better hurry because I'm already starting to feel underpaid again.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 18, 1999's comic on:


Tags #feng shui consultant, #one in your vent, #rubber bands, #spirits, #trousers, #evil soirits, #koi pond, #feel any luckier

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Caption: "The Feng Shui Consultant" Dogbert stands on the boss' desk and says, "This office is swarming with evil spirits" The Boss says, "It is?" Dogbert says, "There's one in your vent! Ooh - he ducked back in before you saw him." Dogbert says, "Put Rubber bands around your pant legs to keep the spirits out of your trousers." Dogbert says, "I figure the evil spirits will mount - a rear assault through that window." Dogbert screams. Dogbert's ears fly up. Dogbert says, "It's gone now." The boss says, "What did you see?!" Dogbert says, "It's gone now." The boss hides under his desk. Dogbert wags his tail and says, "Your only hope is to turn your secretary's cubicle intoa koi pond." Dilbert stnad by Carol's cubicle which is now filled with water and a leaping fish. Carol sits in the water wearing a scuba mask. Dilbert says, "Do you feel any luckier?" Carol curses.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 08, 2005's comic on:


Tags #transformational change, #feel different, #nauseas felling, #going to hurl, #change feels like

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The Boss: Our differentiating value-added strategy is transformational change. "How was that? Does anyone feel different?" Alice: "My urge to hurl was increased a little bit." The Boss: "That's what change feels like."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 12, 2005's comic on:


Tags #feel guilty, #scam, #money, #smarter, #arrogance, #good system

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Dilbert: Do you ever feel guilty for scamming innocent people out of their money? Dogbert: "No." "I only scam people who would do the same to me if they were just smarter." Dilbert: "So you use arrogance to cancel guilt?" Dogbert: "It's a good system."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 27, 2005's comic on:


Tags #scathing letter, #coulmnist, #dongle, #vebal superiority, #feel alive, #dear nutbag

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Carol: I just fired off a scathing letter to a columnist for misusing the word "dongle". Im intoxicated with the feeling of verbal superiority. My sad life has meaning , I feel alive! The columnist: Dear Nutbag, Thanks for the input, Heres a link yo a dictionary, I await your apology

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 31, 2005's comic on:


Tags #liar, #habitual liar, #died, #feel great, #head is skull, #attached to body, #yoga

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The Habitual Liar Alice: "I thought you died." Liar: "No. I feel great!" Alice: "I'm sure you're dead. Your head is a skull." Liar : "I cut back on carbs." Alice: "Your head isnt' even attatched to your body." Liar"I take yoga."