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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 04, 1989's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #coffee, #third-degree

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Dilbert walks away from the coffee machine holding a cup of coffee. Dilbert says, "Now for the hard part: getting back to my desk without third-degree wrist burns." Dilbert screams. Dilbert stands outside his cubicle rubbing his wrist after spilling the coffee on the floor. Dilbert says, "I don't care for the taste, but it DOES keep me alert."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 12, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #portion, #dog, #license, #test, #natural, #enemies

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A man behind a counter at the Department of Dogs says to Dogbert, "I'm sorry, but it seems you've failed the written portion of the dog license test." Dogbert replies, "Impossible!" The clerk says, "For example, this question on 'natural enemies': the correct answer is 'mailman.' You wrote in 'fax machine.'" Dilbert asks Dogbert, "How'd it go?" Dogbert replies, "The 'Department of Dogs' does not keep up with emerging trends."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 09, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #bank, #ethel, #hand, #combat, #serious, #automated, #teller, #machine, #encouraging

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Dilbert stands at a teller window at the Bank of Ethel. The teller says, "I cannot allow this withdrawal . . ." The woman continues, "Unless you defeat me in hand to hand combat." Dilbert arrives at home with a bandage on his head and his arm in a sling. Dilbert tells Dogbert, "They seem pretty serious about encouraging the use of their automated teller machines."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 12, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #sheep, #rancher, #worked, #asleep, #count, #sleep study, #Wally

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Dilbert and Wally stand in front of the coffee machine. Wally says, "I was a sheep rancher before I worked here." Dilbert asks, "How many sheep did you have?" Wally says, "I'm not sure . . ." Wally continues, "Every time I tried to count them, I feel asleep."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 06, 1991's comic on:


Tags #pregnancy & child birth, #the boss, #alice, #xerox, #birth, #job, #special, #treatment

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The Boss sits at his desk and says, "Alice, I noticed you gave birth by the Xerox machine this morning . . ." The Boss continues, "We don't have a maternity leave policy here, but if you need some time, I'm sure we can find somebody less fertile to fill your job." Alice replies, "Thank you, sir, but I don't expect any special treatment." Alice is breast feeding a baby under her shirt.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 14, 1995's comic on:


Tags #nest paper towels, #call 911, #never know, #would have worked

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Dilbert is standing in front of the copying machine. Reaching inside the copier, a man says, "Here's the problem. We've got a whole nest of paper trolls." The man yells as he is being pulled into the machine, "AAIIEE!" Dilbert thinks, "If I call 911 now I'll never know if the lower paper tray would have worked."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 27, 1989's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #dream, #hillbillies, #lint, #lint farm, #stranger than fiction

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Dilbert joins Dogbert at the breakfast table. He says, "I had the weirdest dream last night . . ." Dogbert replies, "You probably think I want to hear all about it." Dilbert says, "I was kidnapped by hillbillies and forced to produce pocket lint on their illegal lint farm." Dilbert pictures himself hanging from the ceiling with tubes connected to his pockets. Dilbert continues, "They fed me only flannel and water, and mined my pockets twice a day." Dilbert is hooked up to a machine. Dilbert says, "Thank God it was only a dream . . ." Dogbert says, "Only a dream? Maybe you should check your pockets." Dilbert puts his hands in his pockets and screams, "Lint!!" Dogbert looks at the reader and says, "Stranger than fiction."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 07, 1990's comic on:


Tags #bob, #bob's classy clothes, #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #retail, #salesman, #shrink, #washer

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Dilbert walks into "Bob's Classy Clothes." Dilbert wears a pair of huge pants. He asks the salesperson, ". . . And you're quite certain these will shrink to fit?" The salesman replies, "You have my word as a retail salesman." Dilbert walks out of the store with a shopping bag. Dilbert shows Dogbert the pants. Dogbert says, "You were taken." Dilbert replies, "No, they shrink in the wash." Dilbert stands in front of the washing machine. Dogbert asks, "Will they fit now?" Dilbert replies, "Like a glove . . ." Dilbert holds the shrunken pants on his hand. He thinks, "Like a glove with two fingers."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 02, 1996's comic on:


Tags #help shipping dept, #fiscal year, #no inventory

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The Boss, Alice and Dilbert stand next to the coffee machine. The Boss says, "I need everybody to help in the shipping department today." The Boss continues, "Every product that ships before the end of the month gets counted as revenue for the fiscal year. Unfortunately, we don't have inventory." Dilbert, Alice and Wally each have an open box in front of them. The Boss continues, "So we'll ship whatever is lying around, book it as revenue and sort it out later." Wally reaches into his mouth and says, "This one's getting gum."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 15, 1997's comic on:


Tags #software license, #rumble, #prepare for assimilation

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Dogbert and Dilbert sit on the armrest of the couch. Dogbert says, ". . . So you didn't read the software license and you inadvertently agreed to be Bill Gates' towel boy in his huge new house. When do we move?" They hear a rumbling noise and the house shakes. A machine crashes through the wall and says, "Prepare for assimilation." Dilbert says, "The house has come for me."