Hate The Messenger Comic Strips - Page 6
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273 Results for Hate The Messenger
View 51 - 60 results for hate the messenger comic strips. Discover the best "Hate The Messenger" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday April 29,
2001
Tags slump, make changes, management style, paternal, new management style, we hate employees, volunteer, nineties, kick off, kick intern, bent over
Transcript
The boss addressing Wally and Dilbert says, "Our industry is in a slump. We need to make changes." Pointing to a slide of Asok being handed an ice-cream cone, the boss says, "Our current mangement style could be described as paternal." Pointing to a slide of a man getting kicked, the boss says, "Our new management style doesn't have a name yet." Asok, waving his arm, says, "Ooh ooh! I have a suggestion." Asok continues, "The new management style could be called 'We hate our employees.'" The boss says, "Not bad." The boss says, "I need a volunteer to help with the 'Back to the nineties' kick-off." Asok bends over preparing to be kicked as he asks, "How is this like the nineties?" The boss, about to kick, says, "Stop wiggling."
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Sunday July 08,
2001
Tags layoffs, fly on wall, poof, wally as fly, rational budget decions, who do we hate, fly eating donut, mean, board of directors
Transcript
Dilbert and Wally stand in the hallway looking into the conference room where the Boss is having a meeting. Dilbert says, "They must be talking about the layoffs." Wally says, "I'd like to be a fly on that wall." Suddenly, "Poof!" and Wally is turned into a fly. Wally is seen in fly form, with his head on a fly's body. He says, "Great...the one time I get my wish..." Wally flies into the room as the Boss says, "Let's focus on our priorities and make rational budget decisions." The whole room erupts in laughter: "Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!" The Boss continues speaking as Wally flies in close to his coffee and donut. The Boss says, "Back to reality. I'll fire Ted; he creeps me out. Who else do we hate?" Wally lands on the donut as the Boss says, "Hey, my donut is gettting eaten by the world's ugliest fly!" Wally says, "Bonanza!"
Sunday May 26,
2013
Tags cheeseburger, dead man walking, deception, dried apricot, heart, inventions, medical diagnosis, program to hate, neutrino sensor
Transcript
Wally: I programmed our robot to make medical diagnoses. It can scan your body using its neutrino sensor. Robot, please demonstrate. Robot: Dead man walking! Boss: What? Robot: Your brain is the size of a dried apricot. Your heart is more cheeseburger than human tissue. You will be dead in eleven days, six hours, and nineteen minutes. Boss: Gaaa!!! Robot: Why did you program me to hate people? Wally: It was easier than inventing a neutrino sensor.
Tuesday December 10,
2013
Tags obstinacy, public speaking, thinking, vet ideas, peers, hate ideas
Transcript
Dilbert: I've been asked to vet my idea with my peers. To save time, I am willing to stipulate that you hate all ideas that are not your own. All in favor? Alice: I hate this idea, too.
Saturday February 28,
2015
Dogbert The Product Designer
Tags design, evil, frustration, product designer, torture, hate people, styrofoam debris, invisible buttons
Transcript
Dogbert: I decided to become a product designer because I hate people. I will fill every package with styrofoam debris and affix hard-to-remove stickers all over the cases. I'll make the buttons invisible by making them black on a black surface. Ha ha ha! Dilbert: I've always wondered how this stuff happens.
Tuesday December 22,
2015
I Used To Have A Nemesis
Friday April 22,
2016
Elbonian Messenger
Tags secret, security, national security, information, human error, spying, encryption, technology, trust, espionage
Transcript
Elbonian: I am the totally legitimate Elbonian bicycle messenger you called to deliver your encryption-breaking software. Boss: Hmmm... that's exactly what a terrorist would say. Elbonian: No I wouldn't. Boss: Just checking. Here's the flash drive.
Monday May 16,
2016
Coworkers Hate Wally For Some Reason
Tags laziness, work ethic, excuses, ego, conceited, productivity
Transcript
Wally: My co-workers don't take me seriously because I'm so good looking. And I think they hate me for my brilliant mind. All I know is that they hate me. So if I seem unproductive, it's because of my beauty and brilliance.
Monday August 15,
2016
Asok Learns To Rank Priorities
Tags priorities, Advice, hate, misanthrope, misanthropy, organization
Transcript
Asok: I'm overworked because I don't know how to set priorities. Alice: Try ranking your tasks by how much you hate the people who asked for your help. Asok: What if I don't hate anyone? Alice: That problem solves itself over time.
Wednesday March 20,
2019
Birds Cause Hurricanes
Tags boss, ceo, research, nonsense, hurricans, birds, noted, polar bears, hate, snow
Transcript
CEO: I don't know enough about climate change to sound smart when people talk about it. Boss: Try doing your own research. That's how I learned that hurricanes are caused by birds. CEO: Write that down for me. Boss: And did you know polar bear hate snow?