How Many Employees Comic Strips - Page 6
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1000 Results for How Many Employees
View 51 - 60 results for how many employees comic strips. Discover the best "How Many Employees" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday April 03,
2013
Tags #cruelty, #executives, #inventions, #robot replacement, #ceo, #remove chiop, #empathy routine, #scaring
Transcript
CEO: Ha ha! I wonder how many decades it will be before a robot can replace a CEO like me. Robot: It's closer than you think. All I need to do is remove this chip that controls my empathy routines. CEO: Put it back. You're scaring me. Robot: As if I care.
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Thursday May 08,
2008
Tags #accurate numbers, #more useful, #studies showed, #make up stats
Transcript
Dilbert says, "I didn't have any accurate numbers so I just made up this one."Dilbert says, "Studies have shown that accurate numbers aren't any more useful than the ones we make up."The Boss says, "How many studies showed that?" Dilbert says, "Eighty-seven."
Friday May 09,
2008
Tags #company invested, #billion dollars, #made up numbers, #slide to oblivion, #made a difference, #victims
Transcript
"The company decided to invest a billion dollars based on your stupid made-up numbers." "You've crushed my dreams of a better tomorrow. Now my life is a cold, wet slide to oblivion." "I finally made a difference at work." "how many victims?"
Saturday November 13,
2010
Tags #stockholder, #meeting, #budget, #waste money, #panic attack, #pucker face, #business
Transcript
Stockholder says, "Hi ho! I'm a common stockholder. I'm here to see how my investment is coming along." The Boss says, "Okay, first on the agenda, we need to blow our budget before year end so we don't get less money next year." The Boss says, "How many ten-dollar mouse pads can we get for $10,000?" Stockholder says, "I hope this is a panic attack."
Friday April 03,
2009
Tags #angry, #frustrated, #annoyed, #stupidity
Transcript
Overqualified temp Overqualified temp says, "I have completed all of my menial assignments." Overqualified temp says, "Do you have any more trivial tasks to crush my sense of self-worth?" The boss says, "I've always wondered how many ceiling tiles are in the men's restroom." Overqualified temp thinks, "Die! Die! Die!"
Thursday May 28,
2009
Tags #asking, #work, #assignment, #placating, #saluting, #sarcasm
Transcript
The boss says, "Find out how many engineers our competitors have so we can justify having that many." Dilbert says, "Sure, I'll spend a few hours comparing our apples to their oranges." The boss says, "Why does your cooperation sound like insubordination?" Dilbert says, "Aye-aye, captain!"
Thursday August 27,
2009
Tags #telling, #story, #bored, #annoyed, #asking, #rude, #stupidity
Transcript
The Boss says, "And that was the last time I yanked a cable just to find out what would happen." Woman says, "How many inane stories do I have to hear before I can speak to someone who knows something?" The boss says, "She's a story hater."
Friday September 18,
2009
Tags #ceo, #conference, #meeting, #greed, #corruption, #illegal, #business
Transcript
CEO summit Dogbert says, "Obviously it's illegal for companies to rig bids." Dogbert says, "But interestingly, the crime is nearly impossible to prove when nothing is written down." Dogbert says, "I'd like you to meet Eddie. Pay close attention to how many times he stomps his hoof."
Wednesday November 04,
2009
Tags #date, #side effects, #wings, #flying, #struggling, #ridicule, #criticism, #offended
Transcript
Dilbert says, "My prescription meds have a side effect that made me grow wings." Dilbert says, "But I can turn it sexy by flying you over the city on this moonlit night." Dilbert says, "Seriously, how many appetizers did you have?"
Saturday November 14,
2009
Tags #interview, #asking, #Family, #large, #leaving, #trouble, #busy, #annoyed
Transcript
the boss says, "Do you have any relatives?" Man says, "Yes, I have a huge family." The boss says, "In any given week, how many of them are dying, graduating, going to jail, or getting married?" Man says, "Maybe?six." The Boss says, "When would you have time to work?" Man says, "I have to go. Someone fell out of a tree."