Market Segment Comic Strips - Page 6
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145 Results for Market Segment
View 51 - 60 results for market segment comic strips. Discover the best "Market Segment" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday July 02,
2007
Tags strategic asset, market share, fire yourself, accountabilty
Transcript
The Boss: Human resources is a company's most important strategic asset. "That means it's your fault we're losing market share. Maybe you should fire yourself." "Strategic assets don't like accountability."
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Tuesday July 03,
2007
Tags compensation, different classes, segment, paid, relatively unimportant segment
Transcript
CatBert: I decided to segment the compensation of different classes of employees. "You'll be in the segment that gets paid the same no matter what you do." "I call your segment the 'relatively unimportant' segment." Tina: "Catchy."
Sunday July 09,
2000
Tags dna, feed her, human genome, human simulations, invented, mapped and decoded, market application, on computer watch, punish her, samples, software, software simulation, engineering
Transcript
Asok points to his diagram as he explains to the group, "My software will create human simulations from DNA samples." The Boss asks Asok, "What's the market application?" Asok answers, "Well...there are many various applications." The Boss says to Asok, "Name one." Asok begins to explain, "Well...someday the entire human genome will be mapped and decoded." Asok continues, "You could take a hair sample from a woman who refuses to date you..." Asok continues to explain, "and create a software simulation of her to keep in your computer watch." Asok says, "You could have one button to feed her and one button to punish her." Wally replies, "I'd buy it." The Boss asks Asok, "Can you add a button?"
Wednesday August 29,
2012
Tags managers & supervisors, prosperity, intuition, market research, success rate, binary choices, tiny manager, made of copper, business
Transcript
Boss: From now on, I'm going to rely on my intuition instead of market research. Dilbert: If guessing can bring your success rate up to 50% for binary choices, I'm all for it. Hey, look! I found a tiny manager made of copper in my pocket!
Tuesday September 18,
2012
Tags business ethics, interviews, career goals, 80 hours a week, below - market, compensation
Transcript
Job interview Interviewee: But enough about me. How can I help you achieve your career goals? Boss: You could work 80 hours a week for below-market compensation. Interviewee: I did not see that coming. Boss: Good. I need employees who can't see it coming. You're hired.
Wednesday April 17,
2013
Tags deception, stock market, hedge fund compnay, investment fund, misleading claims, 3 week period, money
Transcript
Dogbert: The best way to evaluate an investment fund is to look at its misleading claims of past performance. The Dogbert Hedge Fund beat the market average for a three-week period... that one time. Boss: Can you do that again? Dogbert: It depends on what you mean by "that." ----
Saturday November 29,
2008
Tags budget cut, health, bleak, public, poorly made prodcuts, elevant, organs, still healthy, black market
Transcript
After Budget cuts The boss: It might seem bleak now, but things will turn around... As soon as the public starts loving poorly made products that are relevant to a bygone era. In the meantime, who has organs that are still healthy enough to sell on the black market?
Saturday September 11,
2010
Tags frankenstein, human resources, focus group, scared, angry, fire marshal, economy, job market, business
Transcript
Catbert says, "We need someone to run focus groups about our existing products." Frankenstein says, "What is a focus group?" Catbert says, "In our case, it's like mob of angry villagers armed with sharp pens." Catbert says, "And you'd also be the fire marshal for the floor. Are you in?" Catbert says, "Yeah. It's a tough job market."
Thursday December 09,
2010
Tags tv newsroom, switches off brain, abilities, science segment, film celebrities, rational decisions
Transcript
TV Newsroom Dilbert says, "I invented a drug that switches off the brain's ability to make rational decisions." Dilbert says, "I think it would make a good story for your science segment." Man says, "Or we could drug-dart celebrities and film what happens." Dilbert says, "For science, right?"
Friday February 13,
2009
Tags walking, guard, job, transfer, market, economy, stealing, business, Sports
Transcript
Catbert says, "You can have your old job back, but your compensation will reflect the new market reality." Catbert says, "You'll get a small base salary plus anything you can sneak past the guard in the lobby." Dilbert thinks, "These aren't the droids you're looking for."