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Dogbert places a fishbowl on a table and thinks, "I hope Dogbert doesn't get jealous of my new goldfish." Dilbert sits in his chair reading the newspaper. He hears a toilet flush. Dogbert asks, "Have you noticed that Goldie was looking a bit depressed?"
Ratbert and Dogbert walk outdoors. Dogbert says, "Ratbert, I'm looking for a Vice President for my ticket." Dogbert continues, "I need somebody who is so inept and simple-minded that I always look good in comparison." Ratbert says, "I don't understand." Dogbert says, "Okay, okay, you've got the job."
A woman says to another woman, "I don't know what we can do to meet more men." Dilbert walks up to the women and says, "Hi, my name is Dilbert." The woman says, "Get lost . . . I'm armed." As Dilbert walks away looking shocked, the woman says, "And the men we do meet all have that same stunned bunny look."
The Boss sits at his desk looking through a stack of documents and thinking, "Here's something else that's totally unimportant yet requires action." The Boss thinks, "I'll route it to a subordinate, thus inflating its perceived importance and destroying both morale and productivity." The Boss thinks, "What luck, I got two copies!"
The Boss says to an employee, "I'm using humor at work to ease tension and improve our creativity." The Boss slams the man's head into his keyboard and laughs. The Boss walks away leaving the man looking dazed. The Boss thinks, "That loosened him up."
The Boss hands a sign to Dilbert, Alice and Ted. The Boss says, "As part of my program to use more humor at work, I'm asking each of you to wear a 'kick me' sign." The Boss tapes a sign to Dilbert's back and says, "I'll check later to see if you're more relaxed and creative." Later, the Boss says to Alice, "You seem to be taking unfair advantage of the situation, Alice." Dilbert and two male co-workers stand covering their groins and looking like they are in pain.
Dilbert stands in front of the dresser wearing a belt with several pieces of electronic equipment attached to it. Dilbert says, "Let's see . . . I've got my cellular phone, my pager, palm computer, personal organizer, wireless modem . . ." Dilbert looks in the mirror and continues, "Yeah, I'd say I'm pretty much the envy of engineers everywhere . . . Looking good . . . Looking good . . ." Dogbert says, "Words escape me . . ." Dilbert takes something out of his belt and says, "Here, I'll fire up the old thesaurus."
Dilbert drives the car and Dogbert sits in the passenger seat. Dogbert asks, "Where are we now?" Dilbert replies, "I can't tell you. That's part of the experiment." Dogbert sits on the roof of the car and Dilbert holds a clipboard. Dilbert says, "I read in 'Reader's Digest' how a dog found his way home from a hundred miles away. I want to test your homing instinct." When Dilbert isn't looking, Dogbert drives away in the car. Dilbert says, "Okay, I think we're ready to begin . . ."
Dilbert and a woman sit at a table. Dilbert says, "I'm not looking for romance. No, I just want to be friends." The woman asks, "That's all? But why?" Dilbert replies, "Because you have a snout like a porpoise." Dilbert arrives at home wearing disheveled clothes and bent glasses. Dilbert tells Dogbert, "When you use reverse psychology, it's best to leave out unflattering references to other mammals."
Dogbert says to a store clerk, "I'm looking for a device that will allow me to take over the satellites of all the major broadcasters." The salesclerk winks as he says, "It would be illegal to sell something like that. But maybe you'd be interested in an electronic fishing lure instead." The salesman continues winking as he says, "Fish can't resist the 'Hijack 3000' lure. And it comes with its own stupid-looking hat!" Dogbert says, "Clever."