Value Added Support Comic Strips - Page 6
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349 Results for Value Added Support
View 51 - 60 results for value added support comic strips. Discover the best "Value Added Support" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday July 10,
1996
Tags engineer up, management support, meeting, boss ego, master at work, promised customer, full management support, sales meeting, business
Transcript
Dilbert says to the Boss, "I need your full management support in this meeting with sales." The Boss replies, "Just watch the master at work." A man says to the Boss, "I promised a customer a product that we don't make. You need to engineer-up a thousand units by early next week." The Boss asks, "Is Thursday okay?" As they walk away, the Boss says to Dilbert, "Wait until he finds out that Thursday isn't 'early next week.' Hee hee!"
Saturday July 20,
1996
Tags update objectives, need targets, hard work, support management, picture
Transcript
Alice sits at her desk. The Boss says, "It's time for me to update your objectives, Alice." The Boss continues, "We need targets that can only be achieved by amazingly hard work plus the constant support of management." The Boss says, "I'm busy, so you'll have to write them yourself." Alice asks, "What's wrong with this picture?"
Thursday October 03,
1996
Tags document, job process, requirements, anticipate, shifting political winds, relevant buzzwords, achieve, importance, adding value, process design
Transcript
Dilbert sits at a table using a laptop. Dilbert tells the man across the table, "I need to document your job processes to satisfy our ISO 9000 requirements." The man replies, "Okay." The man says, "I try to anticipate the shifting political winds. Then I wrap myself in the relevant buzzwords and try to achieve importance without adding value." Dilbert asks, "What's your job title?" The man replies, "Director of ISO 9000 Quality Process Design."
Monday December 09,
1996
Tags unpaid overtime, immoral, quality of life, designed stockholder value, human resources, business
Transcript
Catbert sits on his desk. Alice says to him, "The mandatory upaid overtime is immoral. It's destroying the quality of my life." Catbert replies, "Alice, Alice, Alice . . . Companies are designed to maximize stockholder value, not employee happiness." Alice says, "Maybe the head of Human Resources should be a human." Catbert replies, "Privately I refer to myself as the Director of Disgruntled Cat Toys."
Tuesday December 17,
1996
Tags computer support, elbonian data base, expensive consultant, five hundred dollars, meeting, business
Transcript
The Boss, Alice, Ratbert, Wally and Dilbert sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "We're going to replace our computer support systems with the Elbonian database product." The Boss gestures toward Ratbert and continues, "It's risky, but don't worry. I've hired an outrageously expensive consultant who has never done this before." Ratbert says to Wally, "I earned five hundred dollars just coming to this meeting. How's YOUR day going?" Wally replies, "It won't make my top ten."
Saturday December 27,
1997
Tags wally the role model, art sarcasm, bosses own word, disciplined for insubordination, lips, resources, adding value, would be delighted
Transcript
Wally says to Asok, "There's an art to sarcasm, Asok." Wally says, "If you use your boss's own words, you can't be disciplined for insubordination." Wally points to his puckered lips and says, "And do this with your lips." At a meeting, Asok puckers his lips and says to The Boss, "Today I focused my resources on adding value to the product process. Our shareholders would be delighted to know that."
Sunday June 06,
1993
Tags Dilbert, the boss, performance, review, process, accomplishments, cash, value, empowerment, match, motivational
Transcript
The Boss tells Dilbert, "It's time for your annual performance review." The Boss continues, "The process is the same as usual." The Boss continues, "Make your accomplishments fit the trendy categories on this form." Dilbert reads, "'1. Estimate the cash value of the empowerment you displayed this year. Cite examples.'" The Boss says, "Try to make your accomplishments match the raise I've already decided for you." Dilbert asks, "Why don't you just tell me what you've decided?" The Boss responds, "What - and ruin the motivational value of the process??" The Boss thinks as he walks away, "How did I get stuck with all the cynical employees?"
Tuesday June 30,
1998
Tags dogebrts tech support, email, tech support guy, classical music, mister radio
Transcript
Caption: Dogbert's Tech Support Tech Support guy talking on phone with Dogbert. Tech Support guy says, "I don't know how to use my e-mail." While sitting at his computer, responds, "You need to upgrade your I.Q. a few points. Try listening to classical music." Tech Support guy stares at radio with arms folded and thinks, "My old nemesis, Mister radio, we meet again."
Wednesday July 01,
1998
Tags dogberts tech support, software, cat scan machine, break room, insert head, trickster dogbert, prnak, cowoorker, labor market, engineering
Transcript
Caption: Dogbert's Tech Support Dogbert on phone with Tech Support guy. Dogbert sitting at computer terminal with hand on mouse. Dogbert says, "Our software is perfect. The problem must be with you." Tech Support guy on phone with Dogbert. Dogbert continues, "Go to the cat scan machine in the break room and insert your head. I'll monitor you from here." Wally watches as Tech Support guy inserts his head into microwave. Tech Support guy says, "Do you see the problem?" Wally says, "I blame the tight labor market."
Thursday July 02,
1998
Tags dogcarts tech support, abuse, slow internet, records, porn, caused by porn
Transcript
Caption: Dogbert's Tech Support Dogbert at computer terminal speaking to employee on the phone. Dogbert says, "How may I abuse you today?" Employee responds, "The Internet is slow. What causes that?" Employee sitting at his terminal speaking to Dogbert on the phone. Dogbert says, "That can only be caused by you looking at porn." Dogbert says, "I'll need your name for our records." Dogbert hears a "Click" on the line.