Whats Real Comic Strips - Page 6
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581 Results for Whats Real
View 51 - 60 results for whats real comic strips. Discover the best "Whats Real" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday March 30,
2013
Tags #road map, #strengthen core, #real work, #manage, #waste inspiration
Transcript
The Boss: we need to follow our startegy road map and strengthen our core to become the provider of choice. Dilbert: Do you mind if I go do some real work whole you stay here and mange your brains out? Dilbert: I don't want to waste all of you inspiration you just gave me. Alice: snort.
Friday January 11,
2008
Tags #design, #real world, #uninformed criticisms, #meeting, #boss, #business
Transcript
The Boss: This design will never work in the real world. Dilbert: That design is already widely used in the real world. I can come back later if you need time to concoct additional uninformed criticisms.
Friday June 11,
2010
Tags #favor, #excuse, #integration manager, #director of sustainability, #real, #matrix management, #neo
Transcript
Coworker says, "Wally, would you??" Wally says, "No. I'm doing something important for the brand integration manager." Coworker says, "Maybe after that you could?" Wally says, "Then I'm doing a rush job for the director of sustainability." Coworker says, "Are those even real people?" Wally says, "Welcome to Matrix management, Neo."
Tuesday October 12,
2010
Tags #consult, #customer data, #money, #privacy, #real name, #wag tail
Transcript
Dogbert Consults Dogbert says, "Your customer data is worth a fortune." Dogbert says, "I'll find you some buyers if you give me 25%." CEO says, "What about privacy?" Dogbert says, "That's not a problem. I never use my real name."
Wednesday March 02,
2011
Tags #farmers & farm workers, #work ethic, #manage issues, #align org. activities, #stakeholder, #real work, #farm
Transcript
Wally sys, "Should I continue to manage issues?" Wally says, "Or should I align organizational activities with stakeholder expectations?" The Boss says, "Which answer would cause you to do real work?" Wally says, "What is this, a farm?"
Sunday February 28,
2010
Tags #meeting, #accomplish, #week, #fantasy, #time magazine, #entrepreneurial, #real job, #motion to head, #powerpoint slides, #horror, #real life, #kill, #business
Transcript
The Boss says, "Dilbert, what did you accomplish this week?" Dilbert says, "I doubled my sales and made the cover of Time magazine." The Boss says, "What?" Dilbert says, "Oh. Whoops. Sorry." Dilbert says, "For a moment there I confused my entrepreneurial fantasty life with my real job." Dilbert says, "I run a parallel career in my mind. In that world, I'm the founder of a hot start-up."B<R>Dilbert says, "It keeps my brain from fully realizing the horror of my actual career and trying to kill the rest of my body." Dilbert says, "But to answer you original question, this week I made some powerpoint slides that have no particular use." Dilbert says, "GAAA!!! My brain is trying to kill the rest of my body!" The Boss says, "Moving on..."
Wednesday August 08,
2007
Tags #spreadsheet, #terrible job, #boos, #meeting, #office, #poorly conceived, #complexity of real world, #wrong cells, #numbers don't lie, #business
Transcript
The Boss: "Asok, according to my spreadsheet, you have been doing a terrible job." Asok: "Perhaps your spreadsheet is poorly conceived and does not capture the complexity of the real world." "And let's not forget the near certainty that your formulae are pointing to the wrong cells." The Boss: "Numbers don't lie."
Thursday September 27,
2007
Tags #generic management, #thing, #whats his name, #awrd, #avoiding minutiae
Transcript
The Boss: It's time for some generic management. "Did you talk to what's his name about the thing?" Alice: "Um...Yes." The Boss: "There should be some sort of award for avoiding minutiae."
Sunday June 12,
2005
Tags #tuesday off, #kids tonsils, #not suregon, #rare blood type, #donate blood, #moral supprt, #real winner, #immoral and sick, #cold on tuesday
Transcript
"I need Tuesday off because my son is having his tonsils removed." "Since when do you know how to remove tonsils?" "Um...I won't be performing the surgery myself." "Do you have a rare blood type that you need to donate?" "No. Actually, I was planning on sitting in the waiting room to give him moral support." "So your kid is immoral and sick? He sounds like a real winner." "What I mean is that I plan to have a cold on Tuesday." "Well, I can see where your kid gets it from."
Sunday March 30,
2003
Tags #blue jeans, #ceo tries average, #chauffer, #dressed as fox, #drove tractor, #fox hunt, #helicopter, #interns, #ironic, #real work, #roll sleeve, #like secretary
Transcript
The Boss addresses a meeting, "Our CEO will be joining us in a minute." The Boss continues, "As usual, he'll be making an awkward attempt to seem like 'just plain folk.'" The CEO enters. He points to the chair next to Wally and says, "Excuse me - is this ordinary chair available for an average guy like me?" The CEO rolls up his sleeves and says, "I'll roll up my sleeves and get to work. I'm not too good for real work." The CEO turns to Alice and says, "I have a secretary, but it's almost as if I work for her. Ha ha! It's ironic." The CEO says, "Last weekend I wore blue jeans and drove a tractor!" A driver approaches the CEO and says, "Sir, your helicopter is here to take you to your island fortress for the fox hunt." The CEO turns to the meeting and says, "Itty bitty fortress." The driver adds, "The interns are already in full fox costumes."