2008 Comic Strips - Page 6
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Character
Thursday February 28,
2008
Tags #approval policy, #coffee supplies, #disobedience, #fire, #hatred, #new informational services, #effigies
Transcript
Man: I realize you don't like the new information services approval policy. But I would appreciate it if you didn't build effigies of me out of coffee supplies." "Seriously. It's creeping me out." Alice: Heh heh heh!"
Friday February 29,
2008
Tags #300 iq, #computer, #convincing people, #desk, #evil director, #human resources, #nobel prize, #track record, #unix, #technology, #business
Transcript
Catbert, the evil director of human resources, posts a job opening. Requirements: Candidate must have an I.Q. of 300, two centuries of unix experience and a track record of winning nobel prizes. "90% of my job is convincing people they don't deserve theirs."
Saturday March 01,
2008
Tags #300 iq, #immortality drug, #impossible requirements, #job interview, #nobel peace prize, #time machine, #too old, #two centuires, #unix
Transcript
Old Man;I have all of the job requirements you're looking for." "I have an I.Q. of 300 several nobel prizes, and two centuries of unix experience, thanks to the time machine and immortality drug I invented. Catbert: That's a lot of words for 'too old.'"
Monday March 03,
2008
Tags #borrow pen, #company like family, #culture, #search computer, #sign docuemnt, #test for dugs, #trust and respect, #manipulate
Transcript
CatBert: This company is like a family. Our culture is based on trust and respect. Now sign this document that says we can test you for drugs and search your computer and your office. Man: Can I borrow your pen? Catbert: Do I look like Bill and Melinda Gates?"
Tuesday March 04,
2008
Tags #code monkey, #dreams, #evil director, #less work, #software simian, #architect, #engineering
Transcript
Catbert: Evil director of human resources Wally: I'd like to change my job title to something with 'architect' in it. My dream is to do less work while allegedly being more valuable. Catbert: The best I can do is 'code monkey. Wally: How about 'software simian'?"
Wednesday March 05,
2008
Tags #woman, #confides, #sad story, #piano fell on head, #dilbert laughs, #killed brother
Transcript
Woman: I used to have a brother, but a piano fell on his head. Dilbert: Hee hee!" Dilbert: Sometimes I laugh at the wrong times.
Thursday March 06,
2008
Tags #anger, #emailed payroll, #pay discrepncy, #punches screen, #quiet, #secret, #smashes computer, #report
Transcript
The Boss: Carol, I e-mailed you the department payroll report to reformat. Don't let anyone see it because they might... BAM! Exactly. They might do that.
Friday March 07,
2008
Tags #renounced addcition, #internet, #giving advice, #wifi booster, #signal booster, #technology
Transcript
Ratbert: You'd be happier if you renounced your addiction to the internet and lived for the moment. Dilbert: Are you referring to the moment when there's a rat on my bed giving me bad advice? RatBert: How about now?" Dilbert: Perfect. Don't chew on the wi-fi signal booster.
Saturday March 08,
2008
Tags #jesus, #introduces, #new employee, #team leader, #enjoy retirement, #coffee stain
Transcript
The Boss: Wally, this is your new team leader. He spells his name like Jesus but it's pronounced Hay-Soos. If you do what Jesus would do, you can enjoy your retirement. Wally: I have a coffee stain that looks just like you. Jesus: I get that a lot."
Monday March 10,
2008
Tags #breakroom, #coffee into wine, #hay-soos, #jesus, #miracle, #new employee, #special powers, #hair, #bald
Transcript
Pronounced Hay-soos Wally: With a name like Jesus, I can't promise I won't mock you. Foop! Jesus: baldness be gone. Wally: I'm not lazy...and I can see! Jesus: Don't spill your wine."