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Ted, who has the letter 'R' painted on his chest, says to Wally, "Today is my last day. I'm saying my farewells." Wally looks at Ted as Ted says, "We've never talked, but I was working my way down the row and here you are." Ted says, "So... Let's stay in touch." Wally says, "Don't be a stranger."
Holding a binder in his hands, Wally thinks, "I hate working for tips." A female employee says, "No, I ordered the R.F.P." Wally says to the employee, "Maybe you were thinking R.F.P. but you said spec binder, you arrogant cow!" The employee grimaces as she holds the binder and Wally thinks, "With any luck, she'll say, 'You had me at cow'."
CATBERT: EVIL H.R. DIRECTOR: A man sitting across the desk from Catbert says, "... And I have five years experience as a dot-com president." The man listens as Catbert says, "You're in luck. We need someone who can burn through twenty million dollars without making a profit." Catbert grins widely as the man says, "Really? The last nine interviewers said the same thing but they were joking."
Asok the Intern sits at the conference table between the Boss and Dilbert. Asok says, "Per marketing's request, I did an O.R.D. for the B.G.G. that resulted in a Q.R.B." Dilbert and Alice listen as Asok continues, "Then I discovered that marketing uses those acronyms for different things." Asok says, "Their version doesn't require nudity, just to pick one example." The Boss puts his hands to his face in frustration.
The Boss hands a piece of paper to Carol and says, "Carol, take this list of key employees to Catbert." Carol looks at the list and says, "I don't see my name on here. Should I write it in?" The Boss responds, "Um.. no. You're not a key employee." Carol stands up and screams, "What?! Are you insane?!! If I'M not key, who is?" She continues, "Do you think this list can walk to the H.R. department on its own?" The Boss responds, "Well, I could put it in an interoffice envelope and mail it." He continues, "Basically, you have the same job as an envelope." Carol hands Catbert the list. Catbert asks, "Why do I need to downsize these employees?" To which Carol answers, "Because they're funKEY, just like it says."
Headline: Catbert: Evil H.R. Director. Catbert is standing on The Boss' desk. Catbert reports, "The average performance evaluation for your group is too high." The Boss asks, "Do you want me to lower their ratings or their actual performance?" Catbert responds, "Whatever." Dilbert is sitting at his computer. The Boss is standing behind him with one arm reached out towards the back of Dilbert's head. Dilbert says, "This is starting to affect my performance." The Boss replies, "Why? I'm not touching you."
Headline: Catbert: Evil H.R. Director. Catbert says to Asok, "We're almost out of kitty litter." Catbert continues, "Gather all the resumes we got this week and run them through the shredder." Asok asks, "Shouldn't we be matching these with our openings?" Catbert responds, "That's what we're doing."
Headline: Asok Works in H.R. Catbert says to Asok, "Asok I want you to handle all the harassment complaints." Asok records Wally's complaints. Wally says, "And as I left the room I could feel Alice's eyes checking out my caboose." Asok says, "So... you have psychic powers?" Wally responds, "My eyes are up here, pal."
Headline: Asok works in H.R. Catbert says to Asok, "If we eliminate vacation days and increase sick days..." Catbert continues, "Would the employees fall for our trap and make themselves sick to get days off?" Asok exclaims, "What?!!" Catbert says, "You're in H.R. now. It's okay to be evil." Asok replies, "Evil, right."
Tina says to Dilbert, "I'm signing up volunteers to serve food to the homeless on Christmas day." Dilbert responds, "How do you know in advance that they'll be extra hungry on that one day?" Tina responds, "Our P.R. firm makes sure they don't get fed for two days before the news crews arrive."