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Dogbert stands on a chair and hands Dilbert a form. Dogbert says, "Here are the Dogbert tax forms. Pay promptly or you will be penalized." Dilbert says, "It's not fair!" Dilbert says, "You can't just levy your own taxes; what makes you think I'll pay?" Dogbert replies, "If not, I'll put you in my new prison." Dilbert says, "You mean, you built a prison with the taxes you've already collected?" Dogbert replies, "I think of it as 'infrastructure.'"
Dilbert and Dogbert stand in a parking lot. A man approaches their car and says, "Hey! Dilbert! Is that your nerdmobile?" The man laughs. Dilbert thinks, "It's my old high school nemesis, Chuck." Chuck says, "Maybe you'd like to race me in my Corvette." He laughs. Dilbert points to his car and says, "Actually, Chuck, if you had taken a science class you'd know this a 'Seebeck effect' power plant capable of 600 miles per hour." Dilbert continues, "Any idiot knows you can get massive power simply by using the sun to heat the junction of two dissimilar wires joined at both ends." Dilbert continues, "Apparently I'm faster AND smarter than you. And these tax forms show that I also earn more than you." Dogbert holds up the forms. Chuck says, "Here's a picture of my new girlfriend. She teaches aerobics." Dilbert says, "He's winning. Help me out here, Dogbert." Dogbert waves his paw and says, "Step aside." Dogbert tells Chuck, "I notice that your girlfriend has unusually large hands and a very pronounced Adam's apple." Chuck asks, "So?"
Dogbert and Ratbert sit on the hassock. Ratbert asks, "Why did you quit your job as company president?" Dogbert replies, "I made a fortune on my stock options and retirement payout." Dogbert says, "I'm going to turn my attention to philanthropy." Ratbert asks, "Is that the study of people named Phil?" Dogbert replies, "It's mostly about watching people beg and having buildings named after me."
The instructor asks, "Who will be first to brave the hot coals?" Dilbert, Alice and Wally stand together. The man pulls Wally out of the crowd and says, "You will teach the others by example." The instructor says as there is an explosion in the background, "Now, what you learn from Wally's example is: don't use alcohol-based after-shave."
Dogbert says to a salesperon in a store, "I'd like your biggest map of the world for my room." Dogbert says to the clerk, "I'd like this for free. In return, after I conquer the world I'll make you ambassador to France." The salesclerk says, "Does that require travel? I get air sick." Dogbert replies, "No problem. You'll have diplomatic immunity."
Dogbert and Ratbert look at a globe. Dogbert says, "After I conquer the world I'll have a city named after you, Ratbert." Dogbert continues, "But before I do that I'll change your name to Pittsburgh." Dogbert continues, "If you play your cards right I'll change your last name to 'Yoo Hoo' and have a beverage named after you too!" Ratbert yells, "Yes! I'm gonna be famous!"
Dilbert: The pheremone cologne is making women desire me physically but they can't reconcile it mentally. women: NNNO Dilbert: It isn't fair...I'll have to wash the cologne off... dilbert: Right after my aerobics class.
"From now on you'll be working full time on our takeover of DSN." "You must also identify any unnecessary jobs that can be cut after the takeover." "That would be the people who worked on the take-over." "Ooh, I broadcasted that move."
"Liz, I noticed you're not wearing a ring. Would you like to go for a pizza after the game?" "Oh, I do have a ring. It's so big I can't wear it. A team of eunuchs follows me around with it in a special van." "Flop-sweat time." "You're gullible. I like that."
Liz: We've been dating for a while and I find you oddly appealing... But I don't believe in getting physical until after Im married. wouldn't your husband get mad? LIZ: Sometimes it okay just to look sad and shut up.