Anti Light Comic Strips - Page 6
155 Results for Anti Light
View 51 - 60 results for anti-light comic strips. Discover the best "Anti Light" comics from Dilbert.com.
Dilbert: Whats in the jar? The Boss: Its the soul of the Willy Mail Boy. If you shake it real hard and hold it up to the light you can see it. Dilbert: The union didn't do to well at the old bargaining table this year. willy: These aren't our glory years.
The Boss points to a diagram and says, "Problem: our product development process requires buy-in from managers who'd be happier if we all died." As he puts a new transparency on the overhead projector, the Boss says, "My solution is to create executive oversight groups who don't understand the issues and don't have time to meet." Wally and Dilbert watch as the Boss looks into the light and yells, "I'm . . . I'm blind!" Dilbert says, "You looked directly at the bulb again."
Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table. Both of them look like they have been burned in a fire. Dilbert says, "My status report is a bit light this week because I'm having an e-mail flame war with Wally." Dilbert continues angrily, "Wally refuses to admit my technical superiority or his simian ancestry. It is my obligation to set him straight." Wally shakes his fist at Dilbert and shouts, "NEVER!!" Dilbert says, "I'm thinking this somehow elevates my rank in the herd and improves my mating possibilities." Wally says, "We're victims of hormones."
Dogbert points to a sign that says, "Dogbert explains leadership." Dogbert points to a man who is wearing an untucked shirt and staring blankly ahead. Dogbert says, "Leaders start their careers as morons." The caption says, "They are drawn to meetings like moths to a porch light. The moron walks toward a conference room. Dogbert points to a diagram of a human body. He says, "The successful moron will have a very high bladder-to-brain ratio." The caption says, "They prevail in all decisions because they are impervious to logic or coffee." Dilbert sits at a conference table with the moron and another man. The moron says, "Let's do it my way!" The other man says, "Okay!" The caption says, "These qualities are perceived as leadership." The moron pours coffee on himself. The Boss tells the moron, "You're promoted!" The caption says, "After several promotions their job tends to match their talents." The moron tells Dilbert, "I award you this award." Dogbert says, "Conclusion: leadership is nature's way of removing morons from the productive flow."
Dilbert and Wally are in the copier room. Dilbert stands behind Wally thinking, "Lacking clerical support, the highly trained, highly paid professionals line up at the copier." Dilbert continues thinking, "Their amazing analytical skills are squandered in this mindless task." Wally says, "No . . . It looks like the 'toner' light doesn't turn off if you wait." Dilbert says, "Let's give it another five minutes."
The Boss walks by and Dilbert says to him, "Please don't promise the product manager more than we can deliver." The product manager says to the Boss, "We need a totally new software interface in one month." The Boss replies, "You got it!" The woman continues, "And rewrite the operating system so we dominate the industry." The Boss says, "Concurrent development. Check." The woman thinks, "Suddenly I feel omnipotent." She stands up and says, "I want all new hardware, anti-gravity packaging, holographic agents . . ." The Boss yawns. The manager asks, "Can your team really do that in a month?" The Boss replies, "Let me get their reaction." The Boss shows Wally a document. Wally screams and his skull pops out of his mouth. Wally lies on the floor twitching. The Boss says, "Pessimism will not look good on your permformance review."
Dilbert, Wally, Alice and the Boss sit at a conference table. Dilbert says, "The project status is 'yellow light.'" Dilbert continues, "In user tests we found that the product locks up every twelve seconds. The interface is incomprehensible and the manual is pure fiction." Dilbert continues, "I think it's clear what we need to do . . ." The Boss asks, "Ship it and hope somebody writes a 'Dummies' book about it?"
The caption says, "Saint Dogbert enters the Land of Cubicles searching for the demons of stupidity." Dogbert walks down the hall wearing a bishop's miter and holding a scepter. The caption says, "Suddenly he finds an over-promoted computer guru spouting useless database concepts." A man sits at a conference table with two glassy-eyed co-workers. The man says, "You'd be fools to ignore the boolean anti-binary least-square approach." The caption says, "The monster is dispatched to the dark world by the sight of its most feared object." Dogbert stands on the conference table holding a document in front of the man. Dogbert says, "Look! Actual code!" The man's head melts into his shirt and a co-worker says, "Cool!"
Tags #anti rust, #bald, #big field, #butterfly turned opera singer, #car dealer, #data compression, #dream analysts, #extended warranty, #new algorythm, #running against wind, #sealant, #serious money
Someone reaches for a door labeled "Dogbert's Dream Analysis." Dogbert and a man sit at a conference table. The man says, "I was in a big field full of tofu and carburetors." Dogbert says, "It means you're a gullible moron. That's $25 please." A woman tells Dogbert, "Then I was running, running, running against the wind." Dogbert replies, "That means you're ugly." Wally tells Dogbert, "Then the butterfly turned into an opera singer." Dogbert says, "That means you're bald." Dilbert tells Dogbert, "Suddenly I saw a new algorythm for data compression." Dogbert replies, "It means you're boring." The Boss tells Dogbert, "Then I told the car dealer I wanted the anti-rust sealant, the extended warranty and the lease option." The Boss asks, "What do you think it means?" Dogbert replies, "It means I'm going to make some serious money today."
The Boss enters the office kitchen and reaches for the coffeepot. He thinks, "He slips in like a panther to take the last cup of coffee and not make more." A devil carrying a spoon appears and shouts, "I am Phil, the Prince of Insufficient Light! I darn you to heck!!!" The Boss looks surprised and says, "Phil?" Phil says to the Boss, "You were always mom's golden boy." The Boss looks in the refrigerator and says, "Somebody brought potato salad. Give me your spoon."