Barely Knew Comic Strips - Page 6

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View 51 - 60 results for barely knew comic strips. Discover the best "Barely Knew" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #company lawyer, #contract, #reasonable man, #interpretation, #squash, #bug

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"Company Lawyer." "This contract would be subject to a 'reasonable man' interpretation." "Where is this guy? I'll squash him like a bug!" "Okay, moving on..." "It's you! I knew it!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"The trouble started when you insisted on giving inspirational names to the conference rooms." "I scheduled a project meeting for the 'Quality' room and no one knew where to go." "Some people ended up in the 'Teamwork' room while others went to the 'Excellence' room." "By the time we sorted it all out, someone else was scheduled to use our conference room." "Then it took three weeks to schedule another meeting when everyone could make it." "But half of the team went to the 'Action' room and sat there while we waited for them in the 'Good Planning' room." "I thought this was the budget meeting."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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I'm too busy to learn anything about the projects I'm managing. "I barely have enough time to make critical decisions about them." "Maybe you're lazy and stupid." "Let's go down to the pond and throw rocks at the ducks."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #outsourcing, #language, #time zone, #time, #fatigue, #confusion

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"After seeing the Elbonian mp3 player prototype I scheduled a conference call." "Because of the time difference, the call was at 3 AM. I was groggy and they barely speak any English, but I think we got everything worked out." "He was right. It does look better with the speakers."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Do you mind if I spout obvious generalities about information?" "If you have too much information, and it's not organized in any useful way, then it can't help you make decisions." "Are you a consultant or mildly retarded?" "I wish I knew."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"They're filming a movie downtown. I just saw Brad Pitt!" "That's nothing." "I once used too much fake tanning spray and the next thing I knew, Brad and Angelina adopted me." "You're saying Angelina Jolie is your mom?" "Until I talked her out of bottle feeding."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #job interview, #bed news, #upset, #hire someone, #hates boss, #set up, #cruel

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Job Interview The Boss says, "Would you tell me bad news even if you knew it would upset me?" A man says, "Yes, I would." The Boss says, "Why would I hire someone who hates me?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bored, #boredom, #death & dying, #meeting, #canary, #boring meetings, #die of boredom, #before humans, #business

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The boss: I got a canary to warn us when our meetings are too boring. Canaries die of boredom before humans so... Dilbert: I guess he knew that.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #marketing, #harmful, #product, #military, #injury, #excited, #violence, #business

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Marketing Man says, "How do we market a product that is known to trigger dispondency and self-mutilation?" Woman says, "So?It has a military application?" Soldier says, "I thought it was just software, but before I knew it I was stabbing myself." General says, "Get me a trillion of there."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #matrix management, #neo, #earbuds, #ipod, #computer, #powerpoint, #die, #scared, #technology

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Wally says, "This is where you jack into matrix management, Neo." Wally says, "Insert these iPod ear buds and fire up PowerPoint. The reality you once knew is gone." Wally says, "One more thing: If your computer dies during powerpoint, your career dies in the real world."