Buy Whatever Comic Strips - Page 6

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

373 Results for Buy Whatever

View 51 - 60 results for buy whatever comic strips. Discover the best "Buy Whatever" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #buy put options, #engineers order, #management approval, #stock, #dogcart the consultant

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Dogbert and Wally sit at a conference table. Dogbert says, "I recommend letting the engineers order their own supplies without management approval." Wally yells, "Yes!!! I'm rich!! Ha ha ha ha ha!!!" Dogbert continues, "And I recommend buying 'Put' options in your stock." Wally stands and says, "Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #individual cubicles, #new system, #public schools, #hoteling, #getting tips, #cubicle, #computer, #chair, #roll of note, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss stands next to an overhead projector. He points to the diagram on the screen and says, "We're taking away your individual cubicles. In the new system, you'll sign up for whatever cube is open that day." Sally and Wally are seated at a conference table. The Boss continues, "It's based on the model of public restrooms. But I call it 'Hoteling' because it increases my chances of getting tips." The Boss approaches Dilbert with a roll of note paper that looks like toilet paper and says, "Each cubicle will have a computer, a chair, and a roll of note paper . . . Take one and pass it around."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #excellence in teaming, #nearly ready, #complete buy in, #make decsions, #squirrel migration patterns

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Dilbert and another worker sit at a conference table. The worker says, "I'm happy to report that the 'Excellence in Teaming' read-out is nearly ready." The worker continues, "It's taken forty people from a dozen departments to complete the study. We finally got complete buy-in." Dilbert asks, "Is that the study of why we can't make decisions?" The worker responds, "Originally. But it evolved into more of a discussion of squirrel migration patterns."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #decide to buy, #recommend position

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at a conference table with the Boss and Dogbert. Dogbert says, "I promise that if I decide to buy your company I'll gladly recommend a position for each of you." Wally, who is also sitting at the table, asks, "Really? You'd make sure we all got jobs?" Dogbert answers, "No, but I'll recommend a 'position.'" Dilbert and the Boss look shocked.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #no surpirses, #hideous thing, #scares me, #auditor, #sound

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert introduces the Grim Reaper to the Boss. Dogbert says, "My consultant will audit your company to make sure there are no surprises before I buy it." The Boss looks shocked. Dogbert sits on the edge of the desk while the Grim Reaper looks through a stack of documents. Dogbert says to the Boss, "I use him because he's seen such hideous things that nothing scares him." The Grim Reaper looks at a document and says, "Erk." The Grim Reaper throws documents into the air and shouts, "AAAAAEEII!! OOOUWAA WAA!!" Dogbert says to the Boss, "That's not the sound you want from your auditor."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #stock, #shares, #timely leaks, #media, #value plunged, #sell now, #fair share price, #want copy, #Entertainment

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert sits at a conference table with the Boss and three other managers. Dogbert says, "Your stock was $30 per share when I offered to buy the company, but thanks to some timely leaks to the media your value has plunged." Dogbert continues, "However, if you sell right now I'll pay the full $30 for your stock." The Boss says, "I recommend we do it." A manager hands the signed contract back to Dogbert and says, "Done. $30 per share is more than fair." Dogbert replies, "Yeah, 'per share' would have been fair. Anybody want a copy?" The Boss looks shocked.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #destroying prodcutivity, #hire contract employees, #constractors, #humilaition

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert sits at the Boss's desk. Dilbert and Alice stand in front of him. Dilbert says, "The rumors are destroying our productivity. We can't work with all this uncertainty." Dogbert answers, "I plan to buy proven technology and hire contract employees. You'll be gophers for the contractors until you resign in disgust and humiliation." Dilbert and Alice look scared. Dilbert asks, "Is there any way to get back to uncertainty?" Dogbert answers, "I'll see what I can do."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #elbonians, #afford, #just mud, #couch shopping network, #manage resources, #sold country, #little jars, #molten lava, #earths core

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits in his cubicle. He asks Dogbert, "How could the Elbonians afford to buy this company? Their whole country is just mud." Dogbert imagines a television screen showing an Elbonian holding a container with the figure "$119.95" above him. Dogbert answers, "They packaged the mud and sold it as a cosmetic on the 'Couch Shopping Network.' They made trillions." Hugging his knees to his chest, Dilbert comments, "At least they know how to manage resources." Dogbert replies, "They sold their entire country in little jars. Most Elbonians perished in molten lava at the Earth's core."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dogbert show, #gettung givernment back, #buy liquor, #buy cigarettes, #buy firearms, #drive thru, #gets rid of people

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert sits on his pillow thinking, "'Corn starch' . . ." Dogbert thinks, "Stores sell it, but who buys it?" Dogbert thinks, "Who irons corn anyway?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #retiring, #media, #vast weath, #property, #agree to be puppet, #kermit, #muppet, #lease, #Entertainment

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits on the couch reading with one knee bent. Dogbert stands on the cushion next to him. Dogbert says, "I'm retiring from my media empire and putting my vast wealth into real estate." Dogbert continues, "My plan is to buy all the property on earth and evict everybody who doesn't agree to be my puppet." Dilbert asks, "Can I be Kermit?" Dogbert hands Dilbert a document and says, "That's a 'Muppet.' It's all spelled out in your lease."