Competitors Die Trying Comic Strips - Page 6

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423 Results for Competitors Die Trying

View 51 - 60 results for competitors die trying comic strips. Discover the best "Competitors Die Trying" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 01, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #hospital, #doctor, #computer, #bed, #flu

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Dilbert sits on an examining table wearing only his underwear. He asks, "Is it the flu?" The doctor looks at a chart and says, "Hmm . . ." The doctor says, "I had the computer run an economic report on the market value of your organs." The doctor continues, "I could make thousands of dollars by selling your parts for transplants." The doctor continues, "Of course, this is all moot unless you die in my office while under my care." The doctor says, "But if I let you die from the flu then my malpractice insurance will go up again." The doctor continues, "But if you live I can continue to bill you for unnecessary tests." The doctor continues, "There's a slight economic advantage to keeping you alive . . . If you leave three pints of blood and do me a little favor." Back at home, Dilbert lies face down on the bed. He tells Dogbert, "Then I had to wax his Jeep with my clothes." Dogbert replies, "Apparently he didn't know what kind of fabrics you wear."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 09, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #zimbu the monkey

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Dilbert and Zimbu the Monkey sit across from the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "I've got to cut staff in engineering. I'm trying to determine which one of you is more valuable to keep." The Boss says, "I've been hearing good things about Zimbu the Monkey. Which one of you is Zimbu the Monkey?" Dilbert and Zimbu both raise their hands. Dilbert thinks, "This is not the proudest moment of my professional career."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 30, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #conquer, #building, #Religion, #life, #calculate, #spreadsheet, #law, #students, #zero, #bar

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Dogbert stands on a desk chair. Dogbert tells Dilbert, "I can't decide if it would be better to conquer the world by building an army or starting a religion." Dilbert asks, "Which one would have the least loss of life?" Dogbert replies, "That's what I'm trying to calculate on this spreadsheet." Dilbert asks, "Why are you counting law students as two-tenths of a person?" Dogbert replies, "It doesn't drop to zero until they pass the bar."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 28, 1994's comic on:


Tags #another war, #elbonia, #france, #french embassy, #french stopped bomb, #goading, #nothing worth destroying, #scarp metal

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Dilbert: "...The French stopped bombing Elbonia when they realized there was nothing worth destroying." "Ironically, the GNP of Elbonia tripled by selling the bomb fragments for scrap. When I left they were trying to goad France into another war." "French Embassy" Elbonian: "You call this swill champagne?? If we drank this we'd have to eat snails to get the taste out of our mouths too!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 15, 1994's comic on:


Tags #trying to please, #fool, #better please, #crush you, #selfish dogbert, #justa thought, #others, #threatened

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Dilbert: "I can't live my life trying to please others." Dogbert: "I think I can speak for all others when I say, 'Fool! You'd better please us or we'll crush you!'" Dilbert: "It was just a thought." Dogbert: "We 'others' don't like to be threatened."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 05, 1994's comic on:


Tags #technical degree, #obsolete, #5 years, #doohickey

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Dogbert: "According to this, a technical degree becomes obsolete in five years." Dilbert: "Do you mind? I'm trying to get some work done on the...uh..." Dogbert: "Uh-oh." Dilbert: "Doohickey."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 11, 1994's comic on:


Tags #no raise, #engineers wuit, #the goal, #reduce headcount, #smart people leave, #organize pot luck

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Dilbert: "I'm telling you - if nobody gets a raise, half the engineers will quit!" The Boss: "That's the goal. We're trying to reduce headcount by fifty percent." Dilbert: "But all the smart people will leave!" Dilbert: "Would you mind organizing a goodbye potluck lunch for them?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 25, 1994's comic on:


Tags #unnatural, #have girlfirend, #star trek comaprison, #falls in love, #girl dies, #shooting star, #panic, #weird, #overthinking

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Dilbert: "It seems almost unnatural for me to have an actual girlfriend." LIZ: "Why?" Dilbert: "It's like when the captain on 'Star Trek' falls in love, and you know the woman will die in an unlikely accident." "Hey! We just saw our first shooting star!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 30, 1994's comic on:


Tags #exaggerating accomplishments, #failing, #monkey, #more humiliating, #stupid monkey, #typical, #zimbu, #animals

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The Boss: Our CEO cancelled his visit, He's sending his top aid, ZIMBU the monkey in his place. Dilbert: Isn't that typical? I spent a week exaggerating my accomplishments for this now he sends a stupid monkey! what could be more humiliating than trying to suck up to a monkey? Monkey: Failing at it?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 12, 1994's comic on:


Tags #still single, #shower, #recoup money, #wedding gifts, #baby showers, #bitter, #election hut, #registered

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"Wally, you're invited to a 'Still Single' shower in my honor." "I'm trying to recoup all the money I've blown on wedding gifts and baby showers." "Someone's feeling a little bitter today." "I have a pattern registered at 'Electron Hut'."