Director Of Human Resources Comic Strips - Page 6
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512 Results for Director Of Human Resources
View 51 - 60 results for director of human resources comic strips. Discover the best "Director Of Human Resources" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday April 11,
1996
Tags vending machine, stole money, sentenced to death, director human resources, desensitized, tragic news, execution is scheduled
Transcript
Dilbert arrives at home carrying a briefcase. Dogbert sits on the couch reading the newspaper. Dilbert says to Dogbert, "Today was a bad day. First the vending machine stole my money . . ." Dilbert continues, ". . . And by the end of the day I had been sentenced to death by the director of human resources . . ." Dogbert reads and hums as he ignores Dilbert. Still reading the paper, Dogbert says, "I've become totally desensitized to tragic news!" Dilbert says, "The execution is scheduled for tomorrow. I should call in sick."
Top Dilbert Searches
marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Tuesday April 16,
1996
Tags specially trained, wasted resources, project, behind schedule, manager, done playing around
Transcript
The night shift manager brings a dog into Alice's cubicle and says to Alice, "This dog is specially trained to detect wasted resources." As the dog begins sniffing, the night manager continues, "He'll help me find out why your project is behind schedule even after adding me as manager." The dog holds an arrow with his tail and points it at the night manager. The manager says, "We'll begin as soon as he's done playing around."
Monday April 29,
1996
Tags Catbert, hr director, employee oreinetation, glimmer, mandatory training video
Transcript
Catbert stands behind Wally's desk and says, "I've come to give you 'employee orientation,' Wally." Wally says, "But I've worked here for years." Catbert says, "You still have a glimmer of hope. You'll have to watch this mandatory training video." Wally sits in front of a television and VCR. The video begins, "So, you still have hope . . ." Catbert massages Wally's temples and says, "Relax . . . Let it go."
Tuesday May 07,
1996
Tags cafeteria, Catbert, human resources, labeling entrees, life threatening, red lump, health care, evil director, business
Transcript
The caption says, "Catbert, the evil Director of Human Resources." Catbert, Wally, Dilbert and Alice sit at a conference table. Catbert says, "We're moving to 'cafeteria style' benefits." Catbert continues, "Under this system, if you need health care, you wander through the cafeteria asking 'Does anybody know what this red lump is?'" Alice asks, "What if it's a life-threatening problem?" Catbert replies, "That reminds me, the cafeteria won't be labeling the entrees anymore."
Friday June 28,
1996
Tags day care facility, free range day care, roam free, economical, powerpoint lsides
Transcript
The Boss and Dogbert sit at a table. Dogbert shows the Boss a document and says, "Here's my final plan for the company's day care facility." Dogbert continues, "I call it free range day care. The children are allowed to roam free among the cubicles. It's very economical." Two small children stand in Wally's cubicle. The boy says, "I don't believe he's really an evil troll." The girl says, "Look at the 'Powerpoint' slides he's making. It's not human."
Saturday July 13,
1996
Tags evil director, mandatory blood test, take drugs, stealing time, test, general health
Transcript
Catbert peers over the wall and says, "Wally, it's time for your mandatory blood test." Wally says, "I don't take drugs." Catbert, who is holding a syringe, replies, "I'm testing to see if you're stealing time from the company." Wally asks, "Time? How can you test for that?" Catbert replies, "We test your general health. If it's good, you're not working enough hours. You thief."
Monday July 15,
1996
Tags Catbert, evil director, human resources, enjoying job, temporary, emplotyee manual, job satisfaction, stealing company, admisiion, fearing sheiks pain, business
Transcript
Wally sits across from Catbert's desk. Catbert says, "According to my sources, you've been enjoying your job, Wally." Wally replies, "It was temporary. I don't know what got into me . . ." Catbert says, "Please refer to page one of the employee manual." Wally reads the manual, "Job satisfaction is the same as stealing from the company." Catbert says, "I'll have to charge you for admission unless I start hearing some shrieks of pain."
Wednesday August 07,
1996
Tags cat likes petting, Catbert, company resources, evil, hr director, pet cat, soft furry belly, ugly incident
Transcript
Catbert says to Tina, "It has come to my attention that you used company resources to send e-mail to your boyfriend." Catbert continues, "I'm willing to overlook this ugly incident in exchange for five minutes of quality petting on my soft, furry belly." Tina pets Catbert's stomach and says, "This seems so wrong." Catbert says, "Try using both hands."
Monday August 12,
1996
Tags Catbert, evil hr director, big layoffs coming, secret, cats don't keep secrets
Transcript
Catbert peers over the wall and says, "Hey, Wally . . . Big layoffs coming." Catbert continues, "I've seen the list. I know more about your future than you do. But it's a secret." Catbert says, "Sadly, cats don't keep secrets very well." Ted says to Wally, "Nice chair."
Sunday August 18,
1996
Tags getting stupid, increasing geometrically, slow trickle, gushing, firehouse, teacup, crossroads in history, functionally stupid, leader, vision, fog, human incompetence
Transcript
Dilbert and Dogbert walk down the sidewalk. Dogbert says, "People are getting stupider every day, relatively speaking." Dogbert continues, "The complexity of the world is increasing geometrically." Dogbert continues, "But your ability to learn is at the same slow trickle it has always been." Dogbert climbs onto a rock and continues, "Information is gushing toward your brain like a firehose aimed at a teacup." Dogbert stands on the rock and continues, "You're at a crossroads in history. Even the smartest among you has become 'functionally stupid.'" Dogbert continues, "Your only hope is to choose a leader whose vision can penetrate the thick fog of human incompetence." Dogbert raises his paws and shouts, "Dogbert for Supreme Ruler of Earth!!" Dilbert sits on a rock and asks, "Do you want my opinion?" Dogbert says, "What are the odds of that?"