Executives Comic Strips - Page 6
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Character
135 Results for Executives
View 51 - 60 results for executives comic strips. Discover the best "Executives" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday October 13,
2012
Tags employees, executives, managers & supervisors, engineers, middleman, worse case scenario, business
Transcript
CEO: One of your engineers came to me with a suggestion. Boss: Gasp! CEO: The only reason I have middle managers is so this never happens. Dilbert: Hey, buddy. What are we talking about? CEO: Gaaa!!! Worst case scenario!
Saturday October 20,
2012
Tags business failures/bankruptcies, executives, wages, long tern survival, innovate ways, cannibalize, current prodcuts, lose a fortune, ceo's compensation, revenue dips, hovel, some ideas, money
Transcript
Dilbert: Our only hope for long-term survival is to innovate in ways that cannibalize our current products. The downside is that you'll lose a fortune in CEO compensation when our revenue dips in the short run. CEO: Thanks. I'll stop by your hovel later with some ideas for ruining your life, too.
Monday October 22,
2012
Tags executives, weapons, constructive criticsim, humble intern, eye lasers, stings, surprise, ceo, evil
Transcript
Asok: Would you accept some constructive criticism from a humble intern? CEO: Activating eye lasers! Asok: It stings for a few minutes, and then you surprise yourself with what you can get used to.
Thursday November 15,
2012
Tags executives, new strategy, nimble, meeting, business plan, business
Transcript
CEO: Our new strategy is to be nimble. Dilbert: Is that the same as saying our strategy is to have no strategy? CEO: Just do your job. Dilbert: Can I be nimble instead?
Saturday November 17,
2012
Tags executives, honesty, low margins, make money, extended warrantees, idiots, forgetful, take advantage
Transcript
CEO Investor Call CEO: Our margins are so low that we gave up trying to make money that way. Now we make all of our money selling extended warranties to idiots who will forget they bought them. Woot-woot! Guess what the margin on that is! Ha ha! Dilbert: It's okay. We don't let him connect to the outside.
Monday December 10,
2012
Tags brain parasite, eliminate redundancy, executives, lying, mergers & acquisitions, more choices
Transcript
Boss: Our CEO has promised that the merger will cause no layoffs. Dilbert: Is that because he's too incompetent to eliminate obvious redundancies or is he just lying? Boss: Can you give me more choices? Dilbert: A brain parasite is making him say stupid stuff?
Wednesday December 19,
2012
Tags executives, public opinion, feel engaged, meeting, appearences, business
Transcript
CEO: Before I make my decision, I'd like to ask for your opinions. It's supposed to make you feel "engaged." Dilbert: And you actually plan to listen to us? CEO: I'm hoping it will look that way on the outside.
Saturday December 29,
2012
Tags executives, managers & supervisors, reorganizing, overthinking, business
Transcript
CEO: I'm reorganizing the company and giving every manager a new job. Boss: Why? CEO: You're over-thinking it.
Sunday December 30,
2012
Tags delusional sociopath, executives, gardener, goat writing autobiograohy, hallucinations, hard work, intuition, magical thinking, non-fiction, vision, regrets
Transcript
Dogbert: I finished ghostwriting your autobiography. CEO: "I was ridiculously lucky. The End." I was hoping you'd include something about all of my hard work. Dogbert: You didn't work any harder than your gardener, and he lives in his truck. CEO: What about my vision and intuition? Dogbert: My first draft had a chapter on your hallucinations and magical thinking. But I covered that ground with the title: "I'm A Delusional Sociopath And You Can Too." CEO: I'm starting to regret paying you in advance.
Monday January 21,
2013
Tags executives, patents, patent applications, desiccated turnip
Transcript
CEO: Put my name above yours on all of your patent applications. Because your brain, without the genius of my leadership, would be like a desiccated turnip. All you are, and all you will ever be... Dilbet: Right... got it... name on patent...


