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Alice in her cubicle with frustrated look on her face shaking her computer says, "Stupid software! Won't compile, eh??" Asok the Intern walks past Alice's cubicle as she tosses the computer screen over her cubicle wall. Asok the Intern on floor. Policeman writes on notepad. Dilbert stares down at Asok the Intern. Policeman says to Dilbert, "We call it 'code rage.' I'm seeing a lot of it lately."
Caption: "Chief Financial Officer" The moron sits between Dilbert and the Boss. The moron says, "I need one-sentence descriptions of each of your projects." Dilbert says, "You're planning to make critical budget decisions based on THAT? " The Moron says, "Yes." Wally stands behind Dilbert who sits at his computer. Wally says, "Wow. Five pages without using a period." Dilbert says, "Thank God for semi-colons."
Dilbert holds a diskette in front of his boss. Dilbert says, "I created a complex financial model for our company." The Boss says, "Let's see." Dilbert says, "It's dangerous if you don't understand it." The Boss says, "That's what they told Lindbergh.." The Boss says, "But that didn't stop him from inventing the lightbulb."
The boss gives Wally and Dilbert a piece of paper. The Boss says, "I did some financial modeling on my own." Wally says, "But you didn't know any of the assumptions that went into the original spread sheet." The Boss says, "That didn't stop me from developing a strategy." Dilbert says, "Our pay is based on the tax rate now."
The Boss points to a board that says, "Time Line." He says, "The project will take six months..." He continues, "Unless there are unforeseen problems." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "Question." Dilbert says to the Boss, "Your leadership has made me unmotivated." Dilbert asks, "Is that considered foreseen or unforeseen?" Dilbert continues, pointing at Wally, "And Wally is dysfunctional on many levels." Wally agrees, "I really am." Dilbert asks, "Was that foreseen? Or are you saying the schedule is random?" Dilbert turns to Alice and says, "He looks mad." Alice says, "I didn't see that coming."
The Boss, Wally, Dilbert, and others are in a meeting. Wally raises his hand and says, "Someone should take care of that problem!" Dilbert turns to Wally and says, "YOU should take care of it." Wally replies, "I can't do everything." Alice says, "You don't do anything." Asok adds, "Not a single thing." Wally says, "It's my job to angrily identify problems." The Boss, with his head in his hands, interjects, "Wally..." The Boss continues, "This is NOT your job!" Wally asks, "What?" Wally is up in arms as he says to the Boss, "Everything is so ambiguous here! Someone should take care of that problem!" Turning to Dilbert, Wally adds, "Is it just me, or is this meeting taking forever?"
The boss is sitting in a meeting between Wally and Dogbert and he says: "Mister Dogbert will be CEO of our financial subsidiary." Dogbert says: "My goal is one million victims in the first year." Dogbert says: "Then I'll do some cross-selling, which I prefer to call "bayonetting the survivors."
Dogbert investments: Dogbert and the boss are sitting in a meeting. Dogbert says to the boss: "For a 1% annual fee I will invest your money with a certified financial planner." Dogbert says: "He'll charge 1% per year to put your money in mutual funds that charge 1% per year." The boss asks: "Will I make any money?" Dogbert answers: " I don't see you doing any of the work."
Dilbert tells the Boss while handing him some documents: "My tests prove our product is defective." While the Boss is examining the documents, Dilbert says: "Customers expect delivery tomorrow." Handing the documents back to Dilbert, the Boss says: "Our corporate philosophy is 'Quality is our primary goal.'" Dilbert asks: "So... you want me to delay shipment until we fix the problems?" The Boss answers: "No." The Boss says: "I want you to ship now so we can book the revenue." Dilbert exclaims: "GAAA! That's the opposite of our corporate philosophy!!!" The Boss replies: "Now you know why there aren't any rich philosophers." Reclining on the couch at home with Dogbert, Dogbert tells Dilbert: "There used to be one, but he believed I was a Swiss bank."
Studying company financial information at his terminal, Dilbert exclaims: "Yikes! Our CEO is selling his stock!" At the Boss's office, the Boss reassures Dilbert: "Don't worry. It's routine diversification of his portfolio." Dilbert says: "Oh...I guess that's okay." Meanwhile the Boss stares at his computer screen and furiously works the keyboard as he thinks to himself: "Sell, sell, sell."