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Dilbert walks down the hall thinking, "Sometimes I feel like a kid in an adult's body, hoping nobody notices." Dilbert thinks, "It's as if I stopped maturing and just started faking it after age fourteen." Dilbert passes a woman and thinks, "I'll bet women never feel that way." The woman thinks, "Cooties."
Dilbert pushes a shopping cart through a grocery store. A clerk says, "Hold it right there, fella!" Dilbert turns around and says, "Uh-oh . . . You must have seen me eat that grape in aisle 'B.'" The clerk responds, "I just want to make sure you pay for it." Dilbert lies on the scale at the cash register. The clerk says, "Looks like 192 pounds. What were you before you came in?" Dilbert replies, "Happy."
Dilbert says, "They were rude to me at the bank again, Dogbert." Dilbert points to the door and says, "I've had enough . . . Sic 'em, boy!!" Dogbert walks into the bank. Dogbert tells a woman, "Hi. I'm David Packard; billionaire founder of Hewlett-Packard." Dogbert sits at the woman's desk and continues, ". . . And I'd like to put all of my money into one of your non-interest bearing accounts." The woman replies, "You're not David Packard. You're just a dreadful little dog with glasses." The woman says, "Then again . . . I've never seen a picture of David Packard . . . I'd better open the account." Dogbert says, "Very good. Now give me fifty push-ups or I'll take my business elsewhere."
Dilbert stands at a counter talking to a police officer. Dilbert, who has a bump on his head, says, "I was mugged, but I got a good look at him." The officer says, "I'll get a police artist." Dilbert and the police artist sit at a table. The artist sketches as Dilbert says, ". . . A big head, and kind of a frightened expression . . ." Dilbert looks at the drawing and says, "Perfect. Looks just like me. Now let's do the mugger. He was sort of off to the left here."
Dilbert and Dogbert sit outdoors. Dilbert says, "Okay then, suppose you had everything you wanted. What would you do?" Dogbert answers, "Gloat. Make everybody else feel like failures. Live a garish and decadent life." Dilbert asks, "And when that gets boring?" Dogbert replies, "Maybe start my own perfume company."
A man stands behind Dilbert's desk and says, "Dilbert, the Boss would like to talk to you." Dilbert enters the Boss's office and asks, "You wanted me?" The Boss says, "Ah, Dilbert, come in." The Boss says, "I'm taking two weeks of vacation and I need competent leadership while I'm gone." Dilbert thinks, "At last he's giving me an assignment with responsibility." The Boss says, "That's why I got this talking sock monkey. Pull the string twice a day and do what he says."
Dilbert sits in his chair reading the newspaper and Dogbert stands on the hassock. Dogbert asks, "Do you ever feel like doing something really strange?" Dogbert continues, "Sometimes I get the urge to break into the post office at night and lick all the stamps." Dilbert says, "Well . . . That's not TOO strange." Dogbert continues, "Then I would see how long I can stick to the wall by my tongue."
Dogbert sits outdoors thinking, "Sometimes I feel like I'm just an actor on the cosmic stage of life." Dogbert thinks, "Maybe I'm Dustin Hoffman in a doggie costume." Dogbert thinks, "I better find a mirror and check my fur for a zipper."
Dilbert sits at his desk. Dogbert says, "God spoke to me today. He appointed me ruler of all creatures on earth." Dilbert replies, "God did NOT speak to you." Dogbert says as he walks away, "It was worth a shot."
Dilbert drives his car and thinks, "Uh-oh . . . Toll booth ahead. Turn down the radio . . . Get exact change ready . . ." Dilbert stops at the tooth booth and says to the toll collector, "Good morning!" Dilbert drives away thinking, "I wonder if it's normal to want the toll-taker to like me."