Hear Your Idiots Comic Strips - Page 6

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

372 Results for Hear Your Idiots

View 51 - 60 results for hear your idiots comic strips. Discover the best "Hear Your Idiots" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #stick to script, #act sincere, #forgive you, #worng, #sell key boards, #morons, #dumber than squirrels, #good writing

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss stands in front of a camera and Dogbert sits in a director's chair. Dogbert hands the Boss a script and says, "Stick to the script. Act sincere and beg your customers to forgive you." The Boss looks into the camera and reads, "It was wrong for us to sell keyboards with no 'Q.' We're sorry. We're morons." Dilbert and Dogbert sit on the couch watching the Boss's television commercial. In the advertisement, the Boss says, "We're dumber than squirrels. We hear voices and do what they command. I have broccoli in my socks." Dilbert says, "Good writing." Dogbert responds, "Thanks."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #urgent message, #disregard, #healthy compnay, #herd stampedes, #resume, #voicemail

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits in his cubicle holding the phone. The voice on the phone says, "To hear your urgent voice mail message press one . . . " A voice on the phone says, "This urgent message is to all employees. Please disregard the rumors of a merger with a healthy company." Dilbert looks out of his cubicle and sees co-workers running in every direction. One man yells, "Resume!" Another cries, "Where's my interview suit??!!" Dilbert thinks, "Now spooked, the herd stampedes."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #pursue goal, #world domination, #talk radio host, #unique conservative view, #deserve mockery, #flawed view, #intelligent questions

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert says to Dilbert who is sitting at his desk, "I think the best way to pursue my goal of world domination is to become a talk radio host." Dogbert continues, "I'll promote my unique conservative viewpoint that people are idiots who deserve to be mocked." Dilbert asks, "Won't people show your viewpoint to be flawed by virtue of their intelligent questions?" Dogbert asks, "Like that one?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mandatory training, #business ethics, #save money, #training, #decorate offcie, #taken training, #common sense

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss asks Dilbert, "Have you taken the mandatory training for business ethics?" Dilbert answers, "No. But if you SAY I did then you'll save some money on training which you can spend to decorate your office." The Boss says, "Luckily, I haven't taken the training myself." Dilbert says, "I hear it's mostly common sense anyway."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #benchmark, #world class companies, #compare, #verbs, #nouns, #assign, #engineers, #field research, #pointy haired idioits

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Alice, "Alice, I want you to benchmark these world-class companies. Find out how we compare." Alice responds, "I'm betting they don't make verbs out of nouns. And I'll bet they don't assign engineers to do field research." Alice talks on the phone in her office. She asks, "Do you guys have any pointy-haired idiots running your place? . . . Would you like one?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dehumanization, #weekly status, #doubt exostence, #invisible, #pager buzzing, #batteries

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert, Wally and the Boss sit at a conference table. Dilbert says, "My status for the week is that the ongoing dehumanization from my job has caused me to doubt my existence." As he waves his hands in front of Wally's face Dilbert continues, "There is reason to believe I am becoming invisible." The Boss asks Wally, "Do I hear your pager buzzing, Wally?" Wally replies, "I doubt it; I don't keep batteries in it." Dilbert disappears with a "plink."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dehumanization, #invisible to humans, #fix, #wear a bag, #perfect solution, #hear you

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands in front of Dogbert waving his arms. Dilbert says, "The dehumanization of my job has rendered me invisible to humans. Only you can see me, Dogbert." Dilbert asks, "How can we fix this?" Dogbert replies, "You could wear a bag on your head when you're around me." Dilbert clenches his fists and answers, "That's not the fix I had in mind." Dogbert responds, "It's not a perfect solution. I'd still be able to hear you."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #filberts expense voucher, #idiots in accounting, #smart, #sadistic, #trolls, #humanoid characteristics, #right answer

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is seated in front of a demonlike clerk. The clerk yells, "What are you trying to pull?? Do you think we're idiots in accounting?!!" Dilbert responds, "No, I swear, I think you're smart but sadistic trolls with many humanoid characteristics." Dilbert's hands and feet are bound and he is hanging upside down above a pit. He thinks to himself, "Apparently there was no right answer."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #wearing enough fragrance, #better increase doasge, #hear compliments

View Transcript

Transcript

A woman walks by Wally's cubicle and thinks, "I wonder if I'm wearing enough fragrance." Clouds of odor surround her body. Inside his cubicle, Wally whips his head around to look at her. Wally is overcome by the odor and falls over in his chair screaming, "AIEEEEE!!" As she leaves a trail of unconscious employees behind her, the woman thinks, "I'd better increase the dosage until I hear some compliments."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #co worker, #perfume is killing, #gas mask, #humor, #woman, #stank like hog, #cluless, #waiting compliments

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert hands Dogbert a gas mask and says, "Dogbert, your mission is to tell my co-worker that her perfume is killing us. Wear this gas mask." As Dilbert puts the mask on Dogbert, he says, "Use humor to ease the tension." Dogbert says, "Good idea." Wearing the mask, Dogbert stands in the woman's cubicle and says, "Did you hear the joke about the woman who stank like a hog rendering plant?" The woman says, "Three times today . . ."