Information Comic Strips - Page 6

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

153 Results for Information

View 51 - 60 results for information comic strips. Discover the best "Information" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags wally report, serious threat, productivity, new things, brain full, forget fifth grade, more information, can't sustain information

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice, Wally, Dilbert and the boss are sitting in a meeting. Wally says: "In this week's Wally report, I'll discuss a serious threat to my productivity." Wally says: "By Tuesday my brain was so full that I had to forget things to make room for new things." Alice looks to Wally through the coner of her eyes. The boss says: "Wally. I have some information for you." Wally says: "Great. I'll just forget the fifth grade."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, dilbert not buying it, excuses, get information, hate people, promise, resentment, saves time, advance

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is sitting at a table with a co-worker. The co-worker tells Dilbert: "I'll get this information for you." Dilbert replies: "No you won't. You'll wait until I hunt you down and then you'll say you were too busy." On the couch at home with Dogbert, Dilbert says: "Today I started hating people in advance." Dogbert replies: "It saves time."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ceo selling stock, portfolio, routine diversification, sell, sudden panic, employees, boss, ceo, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Studying company financial information at his terminal, Dilbert exclaims: "Yikes! Our CEO is selling his stock!" At the Boss's office, the Boss reassures Dilbert: "Don't worry. It's routine diversification of his portfolio." Dilbert says: "Oh...I guess that's okay." Meanwhile the Boss stares at his computer screen and furiously works the keyboard as he thinks to himself: "Sell, sell, sell."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags live person, attracted to idea, drain on morale, voice mail, secretary in action, answering phone

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Carol, "Carol, from now on, I want a live person answering my phone." Carol asks the Boss, "What attracted you to that idea?" Carol continues, "Was it the inefficiency or the drain of morale?" The Boss replies, "Important executives don't use voice mail." Dilbert approaches the Boss and says, "I have some information for you." The Boss answers, "Call me." While standing in front of the Boss, Dilbert begins dialing his telephone number. Carol picks up the Boss' line and says, "He's not here. Do you want to leave a detailed message?" Dilbert answers, "Yes." Carol screams in the phone, "Well, you can't!!!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags mordac, preventer, information services, web mistress, firewall inadequate, talk cobol baby

View Transcript

Transcript

Mordac approaches Ming and says, "I am Mordac, the preventor of information services!" Ming replies, "I am web mistress Ming!" Mordac says to Ming, "Your firewall is inadequate. You must be punished!" Ming responds, "Your HTML is weak! You must be punished!" Mordac holds Ming in his arms tilting her backward and says, "I must have you!" Ming replies, "Talk Cobol to me, baby."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags marketing, respectfully decline, join hallucination, bah, business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Dilbert, "I heard that you won't give marketing the information they need." Dilbert replies, "I respectfully decline the invitation to join your hallucination." Dilbert says to Dogbert, "Your system works." Dogbert repies, "Next time try shortening it to 'Bah'.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boring, director of information, e-diot, easy way, title

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally says to The Boss, "You should put an 'E-' in front of your title." Wally says, "It's too boring just being the Director of Information, Operations and Technology." The Boss says to his secretary, Carol, "From now on, call me the E-DIOT." Carol says, "If only there were an easy way to remember that."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags gigantic database, customer behavior, information, non linear math, data mining technology, optimize retail channels, spam, meeting here

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Dilbert, "We have a gigantic database full of customer behavior information." Dilbert says, "Excellent. We can use non-linear math and data mining technology to optimize our retail channels!" The Boss says to Dilbert, "If that's the same thing as spam, we're having a good meeting here."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Catbert, evil director, most evil way, database, customer information, sell mailing list, spam, balckmail, data bse, clumping

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Catbert, "What's the most evil way to use our database of customer information? The Boss says, "Should we sell our mailing lists, spam without mercy, or just blackmail customers?" Catbert says, "Um... Do you have me in that database?" The Boss says, "We know all about your clumping problems."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags punish me, manage annual business plan, beg co workers, information, budget needs, lies, ignore you, underscoring unimportance, combine lies and guesses, ballof data, senior mangement, budget decions, magazine articles

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok is in the bosses office. Asok says, "Did you call me here to punish me?" The boss is sitting behind his desk. The boss says, "No, no, Asok. I want you to manage our annual business plan process." Asok says, "How so I do that?" The boss says, "First, you beg your co-workers for information about their budget needs." With a close-up on Asok, the boss continues off-frame "Half of them will give you lies. The other half will ignore you. Thus underscoring your unimportance." The boss continues, "Then you'll combine the lies and guesses into a worthless ball of data for senior management." Asok faces the boss as the boss says, "Then our CEO will make budget decisions based on magazine articles." Dilbert asks Asok, "How bad was the punishment?" Asok says, "Worse than I expected."