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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 20, 2008's comic on:


Tags #blame, #costume, #meeting, #scapegoat, #senario set up, #luck, #business

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Dilbert the scapegoat The Boss says, "I need you for a meeting with my boss." The Boss says, "About five minutes, into the meeting I'm going to start punching you. With any luck, my boss will join in." Dilbert says, "Maybe that shouldn?t be called luck." The Boss says, "Okay...Skill. Whatever."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 21, 2009's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #deception, #lying confusion, #business

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The boss says, "This is Phil, our new vice president of marginally legal activities." The boss says, "He'll be leading the effort to make our user interfaces so confusing that people have to pay us for training." Dilbert says, "We already do that unintentionally." The boss says, "Sure, but we can't always rely on luck."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 23, 2009's comic on:


Tags #asking, #mood, #description, #angry, #mad, #ridicule, #criticism

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Dilbert says, "What kind of mood is he in?" Alice says, "Tired and fussy." Alice says, "Also confused, bumbling, clueless, arrogant, short, bald and pudgy." Dilbert says, "He's right behind you." Alice says, "Add 'Angry.' Good luck."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 24, 2009's comic on:


Tags #bonus checks, #giving, #present, #proving, #resentful

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Dilbert says, "We pooled our bonus checks and got you this gift." The Boss says, "It's empty." The Boss says, "Oh." Alice says, "Better luck next year."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 26, 2010's comic on:


Tags #load calcs, #remind, #monday, #determined, #forget, #remember, #fist, #hiding day, #good luck, #hallway, #standing

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Coworker says, "Wally, I need your load calcs by Tuesday." Wally says, "Remind me on Monday." Coworker says, "You're hoping I won't remember to remind you. Then you'll say it's my fault." Coworker says, "But I will remember, and I will remind you." Wally says, "Good luck. Monday is my hiding day."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 10, 2010's comic on:


Tags #public speaking class, #meeting, #habits, #personalities, #robots, #Fun, #sarcastic, #business

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The Boss says, "I'm sending all of you to a public speaking class." The Boss says, "They will rid you of your nervous habits? and, with any luck, your personalities too. You will become indistinguishable from robots." Alice says, "Is that as fun as it sounds?" Asok says, "Get out of my head!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 04, 2010's comic on:


Tags #empire consultant, #crown, #king, #attendance, #present, #luck, #bit rate, #lab coat, #raise hand

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Dogbert the empire builder consultant Dogbert says, "Success is just attendance plus luck." Dogbert says, "You always want to be in the general vicinity when something good happens." Dilbert says, "Wow. I just doubled the bit rate." Boss says, "Present!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 05, 2010's comic on:


Tags #tell joke, #business strategy, #laugh, #angry, #day job

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Coworker says, "What do you get when you combine cognitive bias with inaccurate information?" Coworker says, "Our business strategy! Hahahahahaha!!!" Coworker says, "I guess I should keep my day job." Dilbert says, "Good luck with that."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 22, 2011's comic on:


Tags #ignorance (knowledge), #lawyer, #feels wrong, #research, #harvard law degree, #feelingl, #greasy food and ignorance, #data, #harvard degree over cheeseburger, #bad mood, #science, #legal

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Boss: This doesn't feel right. Dilbert: It came straight from our lawyer. Boss: It just feels wrong. Can you research it a little more? Dilbert: Sure. I can do that research in my head. Let's see... our lawyer got his degree at Harvard and has twenty years in this exact field. Whereas you have a "feeling" that is probably the result of an unholy combination of greasy food and ignorance. The data clearly favors the Harvard Law degree over the cheeseburger. ... Good luck. He's in a bad mood.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 17, 2011's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #inefficiencies, #kaizen team, #soultions, #busy, #being ineffcient, #ignorance, #aggressive type of objectivity

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Wally: I noticed some inefficiencies in another department, so I formed a Kaizen team to find solutions. I asked some of the peopl in that department to be on the team, but they were busy being inefficient. With any luck, my ignorance of their function will be seen as an aggressive type of objectivity.