Meetings Comic Strips - Page 6
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Character
218 Results for Meetings
View 51 - 60 results for meetings comic strips. Discover the best "Meetings" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday October 05,
2001
Tags selfish, dimwitted, six sigma consulatant, bog down meetings, process, can't hurt anything
Transcript
Headline: Six Sigma Consultant. Dogbert is standing in front of a room. He says, "All of you are selfish and dimwitted but don't worry." Dogbert continues, "I'll teach you a process that will bog you down in meetings so you can't hurt anything." Asok panics and exclaims, "I can't move my arms!" The rest of the class is asleep.
Saturday October 13,
2001
Tags network outages, network room, unplugging server, noisy, server is waitress?, lan
Transcript
Asok points to a diagram of a LAN configuration and says, "I have discovered the cause of our network outages." Asok continues, "Some idiot is using our network room for meetings and unplugging the server because it's too noisy." The Boss turns to Wally and Dilbert and says, "A server is like a waitress, right?" Wally replies, "Yeah, a noisy one."
Saturday December 15,
2001
Tags meeting called, discuss issues, assign tasks, waste of time, meetings, become lifeform, reproducing human josts
Transcript
Dilbert walks into a meeting and asks, "Who called this meeting?" The male coworker replies, "We thought you did." The coworker continues, "I think we should discuss issues and assign tasks so it's not a complete waste of time." Dilbert responds, "Maybe meetings have become a lifeform capable of calling themselves and thus reproducing via human hosts." The male coworker turns to the female coworker and says, "Good issue." She replies, "Wow!"
Saturday January 26,
2002
Tags man without substance, use buzzwords, sell solutions, not products
Transcript
At a meeting, M.T. says, "Hi, I'm M.T. Suit. I'm a man without substance." Alice looks at him nervously. M.T. continues, "I compensate by using buzzwords and attending meetings." M.T. continues, "We need to sell solutions, not products!" The Boss thinks, "I like his style."
Monday March 04,
2002
Tags staff meetings, late for meetings, ten minutes, stupid stuff, fine work, noticing
Transcript
The Boss addresses a meeting, "Can anyone tell me why everyone is always late for my staff meetings?" Alice responds, "Because the first ten minutes are always stupid stuff like 'What are people late?'" Dilbert turns to Alice and says, "Alice, that was some of your finest work." Alice responds, "Thank you for noticing."
Sunday April 14,
2002
Tags little people allowed, strategy decisions, project opal, executive intuition, budget cut, opal project, named after daughter, increase budget, secret meetings, decision makers
Transcript
The Boss addresses a meeting, "All the important decision-makers in the company in this room." The Boss continues, "No little people are allowed because we'll be making important strategy decisions." The Boss continues, "First, let's make decisions about project Opal." The Boss continues, "Does anyone know what the project is or what we need to decide?" A man raises his hand and says, "My executive intuition tells me we should cut the budget by 10%." Another man turns to him and says, "I think Opal is one of your projects. It's named after your daughter." The first speaker grabs his own head and says, "Wait.. a new intuition is coming in now... it says to increase the budget." Dilbert asks the Boss, "Why are those meetings secret?" The Boss replies, "You don't want to know."
Friday July 05,
2002
Tags improve morale, want drinking enough, coffee meetings, never leave table
Transcript
The Boss says to Wally, "I'm having these coffee meetings to find out how I can improve morale." Wally responds, "My only problem was that I wasn't drinking enough coffee with you. So now I'm good, thanks." Wally continues, "Promise me you'll never leave this table. I can't go back to the way things were."
Sunday September 08,
2002
Tags cancel meetings, manage email, communicate, wants everything emailed, automated email
Transcript
The Boss approaches Carol and says, "Carol, cancel all of my meetings forever." The Boss continues, "From now on, I plan to stay in my office and manage by e- mail." Carol responds, "You still need to communicate some things in person." The Boss replies, "No, I don't. I can do it all by e-mail." The Boss types, "Carol, e-mail me the budget." He hits "Send." The Boss sits back and thinks, "And now, like magic.." The computer alerts, "You have 1 message." The e-mail reads, "Auto-reply: Carol is out of the office." The Boss looks out and sees Carol at her desk. Carol waves. The Boss thinks, "We have a situation here."
Thursday January 30,
2003
Tags excellent visibility, secret, created mindless replica, totally real
Transcript
Dilbert and his Visibuddy are both sitting at one computer. The Boss approaches and says, "Your visibility has been excellent lately. What's your secret?" Dilbert turns and responds, "I created a mindless replica to attend meetings. He has no personality whatsoever." The Boss exclaims, "Wow! You look totally real." The Visibuddy responds, " Hee hee! Burn, dude."
Wednesday April 02,
2003
Tags enjoy opportunity, new paranoid employee, not invied, plotting, peri noid, perimeno
Transcript
Headline: Peri Noid. Dilbert, Alice, and Peri Noid are sitting. Alice says to Dilbert, "We'll have the data by Tuesday." Peri Noid asks, "How do you know that?" Peri Noid says, "You must be getting invited to meetings and then saying, 'Don't invite Peri.'" Alice turns to Dilbert and asks, "Would it be wrong to enjoy this opportunity?" Peri points her finger and exclaims, "Plotting!! Right there!!!"


