Next Award Comic Strips - Page 6
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Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #co-worker, #john smith, #watch, #television, #cable, #america's most wanted, #wedgies, #entire, #town, #person, #victims, #wedgied, #own, #homes, #show, #adjust, #picture, #exactly, #invite, #people
Dilbert says, "Dogbert, this is my new co-worker, John Smith." The man with Dilbert says, "Yo." Dogbert says, "Yo." Dilbert says, "I invited him over to watch television. He doesn't have cable yet." Dilbert, Dogbert and John sit on the couch watching tv. The announcer says, "Next on 'America's Most Wanted.'" The host of the program says, "This man gave 'wedgies' to an entire town, one person at a time." There is a picture of John on the tv screen. The host continues, "The victims were wedgied in their own homes, usually while watching this show." John asks, "Can you lean over and adjust that picture?" Dilbert replies, "Sure." Dogbert says, "They don't even explain what a wedgie is." John reaches for Dilbert's pants. Dilbert's underwear has been pulled over his head. He tells Dogbert, "This is exactly why I don't invite people over more often."
Dilbert sits at a conference table with several people. The man next to him whispers, "What's your presentation going to be about?" Dilbert replies in a whisper, "Rectangles. We heard the Boss was a geometry major." The man says, "Good thinking. But I heard he was a geography major, not geometry." Dilbert points to a rectangle projected onto the wall and says, "Wyoming: one of the many rectangular states."
Dogbert sits on a park bench next to a muscular man. The large man says, "It's not easy to be a professional body builder." The man continues, "At parties, people ask what I do. I have to say 'I lift heavy things, then I put them down.' It makes me sound dumb." Dogbert asks, "How's the pay?" The man asks, "Pay?"
Dilbert sits across from the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "We've got to focus more on the needs of our customers." The Boss points to a man standing next to him and says, "I've hired famous business consultant Tom Peters to follow you around and make passionate criticism." Tom stands behind Dilbert while he works. Tom waves his arms as he asks, "Is this quality? Are you truly focused on the customer?" Dilbert thinks, "Great . . . He's a spitter."
Dilbert lies on a couch and a therapist sits next to the couch taking notes. Dilbert says, ". . . My dog started charging me to pet him . . ." Dilbert continues, "I haven't hugged Mom since I was twelve . . . My dates are always disasters . . . I just need to touch somebody." Dilbert holds out his hand and says, "Good session, Doc. Thanks." The psychologist says, "Nice try."
Dilbert sits at a conference table with several people. The man next to Dilbert says, "My project is a whole new paradigm." Dilbert asks, "What's a paradigm?" The man replies, "Heh-heh . . . 'What's a paradigm' . . . Funny." Dilbert says, "Seriously, what is it?" The man replies, "You know . . . Paradigm, paradigmish . . ." The man continues, "As in 'this project is a paradigm.'" The man says, "But enough about my project . . . Tell us about your project." Dilbert says, "It's a paradigm." Another man says, "My project is a paradigm too." Dilbert whispers to the man sitting next to him, "They bought it."
Dilbert lies on a couch and his psychologist sits next to the couch taking notes. The therapist says, "Your problem is my mother." Dilbert asks, "YOUR mother? I don't even know your mother. How could she be my problem?" The psychiatrist says, "She's an evil woman and she lives under the couch." An old woman says, "What you need is a good swat!"
Dilbert walks by a sidewalk artist who is sitting under a sign that says "Portrait $5.00." Dilbert sits down next to the artist and says, "Make me look smart and sexy." The artist has drawn a portrait of himself. Dilbert says, "It doesn't look like me . . ." The artist asks, "Too sexy?"
A member of the Senate Judiciary Committee says, "Mister Dogbert, do you realize that if confirmed for the Supreme Court . . ." The senator continues, "It would be improper to pursue your stated goal of conquering the world and enslaving all humans?" The senator next to him is asleep and snoring. Back at home, Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on the hassock. Dilbert asks, "You withdrew?" Dogbert replies, "Apparently there are all these 'unwritten' rules."
Dilbert asks a pregnant woman, "When's the baby due?" The woman says, "Baby? What baby?" The woman continues, "Can't a woman go off her diet for one day without getting that question??" Beads of sweat fly off Dilbert's forehead. The woman thinks, "Next . . ." Wally asks, "So, when's the baby due?"