Program Website Comic Strips - Page 6

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161 Results for Program Website

View 51 - 60 results for program website comic strips. Discover the best "Program Website" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 18, 1996's comic on:


Tags #recognition program, #assign names, #levels performance, #highest level, #precious gem, #sparkle

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The Boss, Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Our new 'recognition program' assigns the names of precious gems to your levels of performance." The Boss continues, "The highest level is diamond. You get a new ring at each level." The Boss hands out ring boxes. Wally asks, "Are you sure talc is a precious gem?" Dilbert moves his hand and says, "I think I saw it sparkle."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 21, 1996's comic on:


Tags #new data encryption, #phb, #pointy haired boss, #converts email, #manager babble, #carry pepper spray, #supermodel

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Dilbert sits at his desk and tells Dogbert, "I invented a new data encryption program called P.H.B. which stands for Pointy-Haired Boss." Dilbert explains, "It converts e-mail into manager babble. Nobody can intercept and decode my private messages without the key." Dogbert asks, "Who would want to read YOUR messages?" Dilbert says, "Somebody MIGHT want to read my messages. It could happen!" Dogbert says, "And maybe you should carry pepper spray in case supermodels try to kiss you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 07, 1996's comic on:


Tags #network adminsitrator, #routers, #block employees, #websites, #program routers, #useless activities, #business plan

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Dogbert sits on a desk. The Boss asks, "Can you program the routers to block employees from all fun Web sites?" Dogbert replies, "Why stop there? I can program the routers to block ALL useless activities." The Boss asks, "How long will that take?" Dogbert unplugs a cable and says, "Done. I've seen your business plan."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 13, 1996's comic on:


Tags #abandon startegy, #making good products, #ours strategy mergers, #business spin offs, #random reorgozations, #accelerate, #stock price, #fruitless partnerships

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The Boss reads a document and tells Dilbert, Wally and Alice, "The company announced that we will 'abandon our strategy of making good products . . .'" The Boss continues, "From now on we'll 'pursue a desperate strategy of mergers, business spin-offs, fruitless partnerships and random reorganizations.'" The Boss reads, "And we'll accelerate our program of paying the good employees to leave." Dilbert asks Wally, "Stock price?" Wally looks at his monitor and replies, "Up three points."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 12, 1996's comic on:


Tags #humiliate employees, #employee recognition, #worthless award, #pocket lint, #better job

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Catbert sits at his desk thinking, "When I'm in a bad mood, I like to think of ways to humiliate the employees." Catbert thinks, "Hmm . . . How about an employee recognition program with a thoroughly worthless award." Catbert purrs. The Boss hands Dilbert a plaque and says, "It's pocket lint from a vice president's trousers. He was wearing them on the day he left for a better job."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 01, 1996's comic on:


Tags #be competetive, #carpets, #Catbert, #evil director, #evil policies, #foot sizing program, #no compalints, #reduce wear and tear, #tail twitching, #wear shoes smaller

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Catbert stands at his desk thinking, "My tail is twitching . . ." Catbert thinks, "That can only mean it's time to write some more evil policies." Catbert types, "To: all employees. Subject: new policy." Dilbert gets the e-mail message and reads, "Employees must wear shoes that are one size smaller than their feet." Alice reads, "This will reduce wear and tear on carpets by five percent." Catbert thinks, "This is my favorite part." He types, "We must do this to be competitive." A woman enters Catbert's office and says, "I'm a reporter for 'Evil HR Policies Weekly.' Do you have any success stories?" Catbert purrs. The caption says, "This is how industry practices are born." The journalist asks, "Has anyone complained about the 'Footsizing' program?" Catbert replies, "I haven't listened to a single complaint."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 24, 1996's comic on:


Tags #marilyn vos savant, #smartest human alive, #often flier program, #phone comapny, #who saves most?, #brain scarred

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Dilbert sits at a table with stacks of brochures in front of him. Dogbert stands on the table and says, "This is Marilyn Vos Savant, the smartest human alive." A woman stands behind Dogbert. Dogbert says, "She will help you understand your airline 'Often Flier' program." Marilyn looks at a brochure and says, "I'm stumped." Dilbert asks, "After this, could you tell me which phone company saves me the most money?" Marilyn replies, "My brain's trying to escape; you scared it." Her brain crawls out her ear.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 28, 1997's comic on:


Tags #added billions, #create system, #employee of the week, #hire experts, #product process, #stock value, #new internet product

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Dilbert stands across from the Boss's desk. He says, "We've identified the people who will create the system to develop a product process." Dilbert points at a newspaper and continues, "While we were doing that, our competitor created a new Internet product that added a billion dollars to their stock value." Dilbert says, "Experts attribute the company's success to their 'employee of the week' program." The Boss says, "Quick! Hire those experts!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 16, 1998's comic on:


Tags #industrial espionage program, #secret reports, #plan, #fire dumb people, #perfect cover

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Dilbert and Alice are talking in the hall over a cup of coffee. Bob walks up holding a box of his office supplies and says, "I've been chosen for the industrial espionage program." Bob gets an evil look on his face and says, "The plan is that I quit this job and go work for our competitor. Every week I'll send back secret reports." Alice says, "Bob, this is how we fire dumb people." Bob turns to go and says, "That's why it's the perfect cover."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 15, 1998's comic on:


Tags #drug treatment program, #drug problem, #childproof container

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Dilbert, Wally, and The Boss sitting at table. While holding a document, The Boss says, "No one in my division is using the company drug treatment program. This is very embarassing." The Boss continues, "My boss will think I'm not managing the drug problem. Don't ANY of you have a drug problem?" Alice, sitting next to Dilbert and Wally, struggles to open a pill container. She exclaims in a frustrated manner, "#!*% Childproof 'Midol' container!!"