Steals As Much Comic Strips - Page 6

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489 Results for Steals As Much

View 51 - 60 results for steals as much comic strips. Discover the best "Steals As Much" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 12, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #the boss, #creativity, #consultant, #final, #report, #company, #doomed

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Dogbert stands across from the Boss's desk. Dogbert hands the Boss a report and says, "Here's my final report on your company." Dogbert continues, "I've concluded that you're doomed. You waste too much money on consultants." The Boss replies, "You're a consultant." Dogbert asks, "Ironic, isn't it?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 12, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Wally, #baldness, #testosterone, #hair, #gone, #flinging, #pores, #problem, #ted

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Wally says to Dilbert and Ted, "Don't get too close - I found out that my baldness is caused by too much testosterone." Wally continues, "Now with my hair gone I'm afraid the testosterone will start flinging out of my pores." Drops of testosterone fly out of Wally's head. Ted says, "Hey! You got some on my shirt!" Wally raises his fists and says, "Do you have a problem with that?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 17, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #complain, #vote, #logical, #bumper

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Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on Dilbert's legs. Dilbert says, ". . . And people who don't bother to vote have no right to complain." Dogbert asks, "Why not?" Dilbert replies, "Why not? It's obvious. No vote means no right to complain. You can't get much more logical than that." Dilbert says, "Besides, that's how I was raised." Dogbert asks, "You were raised by bumper stickers?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 28, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #tragic, #story, #update, #reported, #killed, #weather, #Sports, #injury, #news, #drove, #pedestrian

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Dilbert sits in his chair watching television and Dogbert sits on the hassock. The newscaster says, "After that tragic story we have an even more tragic update on a previously reported tragedy, then . . ." The news reporter continues, "We'll tell you about people who got killed by the weather. And in sports we profile the injury of the week." The newscaster continues, "And in local news, not much was happening, so we drove the news van around until we hit a pedestrian."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 12, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #engineers, #shun, #assigned, #budget, #pounce, #moment, #hypothetical, #electricity, #alice, #Wally

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Dilbert thinks, "The other engineers shun me because I'm assigned to work on the budget." Wally covers his eyes as he walks by Dilbert and thinks, "Shun." Dilbert walks down the hall thinking, "They know I could pounce any moment and asks inane hypothetical budget questions." A man covers his eyes and thinks, "Shun." Dilbert asks a woman, "What if you only had half as much electricity next year?" The woman covers her eyes and says, "Too late. I shunned you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 16, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #dollars, #chairty, #moral, #duty, #fortunate, #starving, #plenty, #money, #hobbies, #code, #eat, #morality, #charity

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Dilbert and Dogbert walk through the park. Dilbert says, "I gave five hundred dollars to charity this year." Dilbert continues, "I believe it's my moral duty to help those less fortunate." Dilbert lifts Dogbert onto a rock. Dogbert asks, "Five hundred dollars? What kind of morality is that?" Dogbert continues, "People are starving and you still have plenty of money left for your hobbies." Dogbert continues, "According to YOUR moral code it's more important for you to have a new computer than for poor people to eat." Dogbert continues, "Morality? Ha! You spent five hundred bucks to ease your own guilt!" Dilbert replies, "And it worked. I feel pretty good." Dilbert asks, "How much did YOU give to charity?" Dogbert replies, "A thousand. That's why I'm so torqued."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 23, 1993's comic on:


Tags #bank of ethel, #ethel, #Dilbert, #paying, #credit, #Card, #automatically, #transfer, #account, #craze, #elsewhere

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A teller at the Bank of Ethel says, "Next victim." Dilbert approaches the window and says, "You charged me a fee for paying my credit card bill a day late." The woman asks, "So?" Dilbert asks, "Why don't your computers automatically transfer money from my checking account instead of charging a penalty?" The teller replies, "Frankly, we're not much into the 'customer service' craze." The teller continues, "We prefer to set little traps so customers get hit with unexpected penalties." Dilbert says angrily, "Well!! I think I'll just take my business elsewhere!" The teller says, "You're annoying me. That's a hundred dollar penalty!" Dilbert walks out of the bank wearing only his underwear. He thinks, "I don't think I can even claim a moral victory here."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 26, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #daydreaming, #attractive, #wasted, #percent

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The Boss says to Dilbert, Wally and Ted, "I understand that you men are spending three quarters of your time daydreaming about attractive women." The Boss asks, "Do you realize how much time is being wasted here?" Dilbert asks, "Twenty-five percent?" Wally says, "It's a trick question." Ted thinks, "Irene."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 13, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #slaughter, #animals, #shoes, #leather, #country, #slave, #labor, #Dogbert, #premium, #cloth

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Dilbert stands in a shoe store. A salesperson asks, "Can I help you?" Dilbert tells the salesman, "I oppose the slaughter of helpless animals. Do you have any shoes that aren't made of leather?" The man replies, "Yeah, but they would make you look like a twit." Dilbert says, "Well, forget that. Do you have any shoes made in this country?" The salesman replies, "Yeah, but they cost more." Dilbert says, "Okay, forget that. Just show me some shoes that weren't made with slave labor." The man says, "We charge a premium for no-slave shoes." Dilbert replies, "Well, forget that." Dilbert arrives at home with a shoebox. Dogbert asks, "How much did you sell your soul for?" Dilbert answers, "Forty bucks and a little shine cloth."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 12, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #zimbu, #creativity, #test, #humor, #barrel, #monkey, #advantage, #guillibility

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Dilbert and Zimbu compete for one job. The Boss: This next event tests your humor and creativity. The objective is to see how much fun you can have in the barrel. Who wants to go first? Dilbert: This is no fair. Zimbu is a monkey. He has an advantage.