Survive And Grow Comic Strips - Page 6

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

73 Results for Survive And Grow

View 51 - 60 results for survive and grow comic strips. Discover the best "Survive And Grow" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new director, #wist decision support, #out source contracts, #north elbonia, #government reward

View Transcript

Transcript

"My job could not be more meaningless." "I'm looking at my new Director of Post-Decision Support!" "After I make a decision, your job is to figure out why it was the right one." "Save those tears of joy for later. We've got work to do!" "SOB!" "I decided to outsource our nuclear contracts to North Elbonia." "And in return, they'll give us food, if they ever figure out how to grow any." "I expect some fallout from this decision." "Me too." "On the plus side, it won't be long before there's a government reward for killing him."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #what fresh hell, #eyebrows grow, #comb them, #asleep, #quiet today

View Transcript

Transcript

"What fresh hell is this?" "I'm letting my eyebrows grow out." "If I comb them over my eyes, no one can tell that I'm asleep." "You're quiet today."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #desperate venture capitalist, #math grades, #first idea, #mezzanine funding, #cash bag, #students, #education

View Transcript

Transcript

Vijay, the World's Most Desperate Venture Capitalist "You two have good math grades." $ 8 "If you grow up and marry and produce a little engineer baby, I want to invest in its first idea." "Please don't be too late!" "Dude, we're already looking for mezzanine funding."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #free tech support, #self awreness, #grow to love, #dating for fix it skills

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "I think my girlfriend is only dating me to get free tech support." Dogbert says, "I'm very surprised you think that." Dilbert says, "Because it's unlikely?" Dogbert says, "Because it shows self-awareness." Dilbert says, "She might grow to love me." Dogbert says, "And... back to normal."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #can't survive, #flyswatter, #late invoices

View Transcript

Transcript

A man says, "My tiny company can't survive if you insist on paying our invoices late." The Boss says, "You should have thought of that before you decided to become a tiny company." The Boss says, "Come here for a second." A man says, "Please... not the flyswatter."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #economy, #sarcasm, #smart, #twice as smart, #survive economy, #spontaneously developing, #high iq, #pep talk, #worked in marketing, #see future

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss: We need to be twice as smart to survive this economy. Dilbert: Good plan. I look forward to spontaneously developing an I.Q. of 400. The boss: This pep talk totally worked in marketing. Dilbert: Will I be able to see the future?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #negotiations, #meeting, #capitalism, #disagreeing, #distrust, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "If we lease a machine from you, how can we be sure you'll stay in business to service it?" Man says, "How can we be sure you'll have enough money to pay the lease?" Dilbert says, "You could check our financials." Man says, "I'm pretty sure your financials are as fraudulant as ours." Dilbert says, "Good point. Maybe we could ask trusted third parties to vouch for us." Dilbert says, "Do you trust any third parties?" Man says, "Not since my financial advisor put my retirement savings in a ponzi scheme and had an affair with my wife." And thus ended capitalism Dilbert says, "Well, we tried." Man says, "Maybe I could grow food in my car."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #presentation, #problem, #scenario, #ridiculous, #stupidity

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "Our new data center is complete." Dilbert says, "The only wrinkle is that the power company won't give us the kilowatts we need." The boss says, "What are our options?" Dilbert says, "Well, we can run the servers without air conditioning." Dilbert says, "Until they melt into a toxic blob." Dilbert says, "Then we can turn the building into a museum that celebrates poor planning." Dilbert says, "Or we could all quit our jobs and eat bugs to survive." The boss says, "Let's go with the toxic blob, but we need to call it something else." Man says, "Convergence!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #date, #side effects, #wings, #flying, #struggling, #ridicule, #criticism, #offended

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "My prescription meds have a side effect that made me grow wings." Dilbert says, "But I can turn it sexy by flying you over the city on this moonlit night." Dilbert says, "Seriously, how many appetizers did you have?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #explaining, #human resources, #side effect, #hatred, #threatening, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Evil director of human resources Dilbert says, "My prescription meds caused me to grow wings." Catbert says, "I have a sudden urge to kill you because you're different." Dilbert says, "But that would be wrong." Catbert says, "'Wrong' is one of those concepts that depends on witnesses."