Tiny Raises Comic Strips - Page 6

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

242 Results for Tiny Raises

View 51 - 60 results for tiny raises comic strips. Discover the best "Tiny Raises" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #more work, #same tiny raises, #clever shift, #management philosophy, #simple application, #annoy, #effect pay

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands in front of the Boss who is seated at his desk. Dilbert says, "I accomplished twice as much as Wally this year, but we got exactly the same tiny raises." Dilbert says, "I'm wondering if this is a clever shift in management philosophy or a simple application of your ignorance?" The boss says, "You're starting to annoy me." Dilbert replies, "And that would affect my pay how?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #united charity, #kick off, #headless man, #inspirational speaker, #dignity, #quations, #head count report

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally hands a piece of paper to Dilbert and says, "Be at the 'United Charity' kickoff tomorrow." While Dilbert reads the paper Wally says, "I hired a headless man to be our inspirational speaker." Wally, Sally and the Boss are seated and a headless man stands in front of them with a microphone, making a speech. The headless man says, ". . . and that's how 'United Charity' game me back my dignity. Any questions?" The Boss raises his hand and asks, "How do you show up on a headcount report?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ass six meetings, #customer focus, #micro management, #egomaniacal mahifest, #survival, #paper towels, #mens room

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk. Reading a report, the Boss says, "Change these dates . . . and add six more meetings and use the phrase 'customer focus.'" Dilbert looks down at the desk where a tiny figure has appeared. Dilbert says, "Uh-Oh . . . your micro-management has caused my ego to manifest itself and beg for survival." The tiny figure says, "I'm shrinking!" The Boss splats the tiny figure with a fly swatter and says to Dilbert, "Run and get me some paper towels . . . five of them . . . from the men's room."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #protects webs prodcuts, #engineer, #pads schedule, #six months, #build prodcut, #play doom, #computer, #add people, #tiny empire, #eighteen months, #sales people, #irrational desire, #beta test, #technology, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert holds a pointer and stands next to the caption, "How Nature Protects Weak Products." The caption says, "First, the engineer pads his schedule." Dilbert and the Boss sit at a conference table. The Boss asks, "Six months?" Dilbert replies, "At least." Dilbert thinks, "One month to build the product and five months to play 'Doom' on my computer." The caption says, "Then the manager pads the schedule as a clever negotiating ploy." The Boss tells an executive, "One year . . . Unless you add people to my tiny empire." The caption says, "Then the vice president pads the schedule to avoid looking bad to the president." The VP kisses the president's toes and says, "Eighteen months." The caption says, "Meanwhile, the sales people are making up numbers because nobody tells them anything." A man tells a woman, "Two months . . . And it solves every problem you have!" The caption says, "This causes the customers to develop irrational desire for the product." A woman says into the phone, "Give me the 'beta' test version in one month." The caption says, "Thus nature disguises weak products as 'beta.'" The woman looks at a device and says, "Cardboard? That's stupid." Dilbert replies, "Oh . . . Then it's beta."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #team leader, #decide raises approve expenses, #fire people, #leader, #manager

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert, Alice and Wally sit around a conference table. Dilbert says, "As you know, I've been promoted to team leader." Alice asks, "Will you decide raises? Do you approve expenses? Do you fire people?" Dilbert answers "No" to all three questions. Dilbert says, "I'm a leader. Not a manager."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bad news, #no raises, #making worse, #own reward, #rewarded, #twice as much

View Transcript

Transcript

The caption reads, "Bad news." The Boss sits at his desk saying, "We're not giving any raises." The captions reads, "Making it worse." The Boss says, "But we think work is its own reward." The caption reads, "Making it MUCH worse." The Boss says, "Expect to get rewarded about twice as much next year."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #performance this year, #tasks, #tiny raise, #boss asigned, #bonus, #keeping salaries low, #workplace violence

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss sits at his desk and Dilbert sits across from him. The Boss tells Dilbert, "Your performance this year was good, but you worked on tasks that aren't important. Therefore you get a tiny raise." Dilbert looks angry as he replies, "I worked on the tasks YOU assigned. What's that say about YOUR performance?" The Boss replies, "It's excellent. I get a bonus for keeping salaries low." Dilbert asks, "Have you seen any literature on workplace violence?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cubicle, #smaller, #stauts adjusters, #sendors, #monitor work, #adjust according, #value size, #tiny boxes, #employees, #get used to, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert looks a tape measure and tells the Boss, "Just as I thought, my cubicle is two inches smaller today than yesterday!" The Boss says, "We installed real-time status adjusters in the cubicle walls. Sensors monitor your work and adjust the cubicle size according to your value." Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit in cubicles that are so small they can barely fit inside them. Wally says, "It's amazing how fast you get used to it."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dogbert the pr consultant, #no letter q, #opportunity assignement, #public, #shipped keyboards

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert, the Boss and Dilbert sit around a conference table. Dogbert says, "You shipped keyboards with no letter 'Q.' The public wants somebody to take responsibility." The Boss raises both arms and shouts, "Ooh ooh, pick me, pick me!!" Dilbert says, "Responsibility means blame." The Boss says, "Great . . . It's like the time I got burned on that 'opportunity' assignment."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #spare cubicles, #house convicts, #opinions mattered, #prisoners complained

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert, Wally, the Boss and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Effective immediately, we will no longer use our spare cubicles to house convicts." Wally raises his fist and says, "Yes!!! Our opinions mattered!" The Boss says, "Actually it's because the prisoners complained." Wally and Dilbert walk down the hall past a cubicle. Dilbert says, "I wonder what he plans to do with spare cubicles now." They cannot see that there are pigs inside the cubicle.