Top Priorities Comic Strips - Page 6

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

199 Results for Top Priorities

View 51 - 60 results for top priorities comic strips. Discover the best "Top Priorities" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hugged your date, #snagged in blouse, #hilarious, #free your arm, #ripped top off, #engineer, #diamond cutter, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is at home after his date. Dogbert says, "I loved it when you hugged your date and your arm got snagged on her blouse." Dilbert looks angry. Dogbert waves his arms in the air and says, "And it was hilarious when you tried to free your arm and accidently ripped her top off." Dogbert says, "But the best part was when you yelled, 'I'm an engineer, not a diamond cutter, dang it!'" Dilbert says, "Shut up."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #masters degress, #top colleges, #new hires

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "From now on, we'll only hire people with masters degrees from the top colleges." Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit at the conference table. Wally says,"I don't have a masters degree from a top college. I'm insulted by this new policy." The Boss holds up a picture of Wally with a line above his head. The Boss says, "And new hires must be this tall to work here." Wally yells, "HEY!!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #beg food, #carpet, #cubicle, #dog collar, #invisible boundary, #mark boundary, #mild shock, #new guy, #new hire, #offcie, #high tech device

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss and Bruce walk by a cubicle. The Boss says, "We don't have a cubicle available for you yet, Bruce." The Boss says, "So I'm declaring this part of the carpet to be your office." The Boss says, "If someone goes to a meeting, you can sneak into his cubicle and use the phone." The Boss says, "Our computer budget is gone, but we have an old monitor that you can put on top of your briefcase." Bruce says, "Can I put tape on the carpet to mark my boundary?" The Boss says, "That won't be necessary, thanks to this hi-tech device." Bruce says, "A dog collar?" The Boss puts the collar around Bruce's neck. The Boss says, "It will give a mild shock if you cross your invisible boundary." Alice says, "The new guy hasn't left that spot for a week." Dilbert says, "Wally taught him to beg for food."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #contract employees, #evil totalitarian, #military technology, #north elbonia, #project, #regime, #top secret

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Dilbert, I hired some contract employees from North Elbonia to help on your project." Dilbert says, "North Elbonia is an evil totalitarian regime. My project will create top secret military technology to use against them." The Boss says, "Sure, but you have to weigh that against the fact that they're willing to work for free."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #communist north elbonian contractors, #top secret military project, #executed for treason, #legal department, #execution instead

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert waves his arms in the air and says, "I'm a little concerned about your hiring communist North Elbonian contractors to help on my top secret military project." The Boss reads a newspaper and says, "Don't worry. What's the worst thing that could happen?" Dilbert says, "I could be executed for treason." The Boss says, "Talk to our legal department." Dilbert says, Could I opt for the execution instead?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #company lawyer, #secret military project, #north elbonians, #communits, #guilty of treason, #executed, #pull a lever

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits down with the lawyer and says, "I'm working ona top secret military project. My boss hired some North Elbonians to help me." Dilbert says, "They're communists. If I give them any information, I could be guilty of treason. I could be executed." Dilbert asks, "Can you help?" The lawyer says, "Sure. What would I have to do - pull a lever?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #illogical scientist, #idea won't work, #religious nuts

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice is sitting at a table with her lap top computer and is writing something. Dan pulls up a chair and says, "Hi. I'm Dan, the Illogical Scientist." Alice covers what she is writing. Dan says, "That idea won't work. I know because I've read many reports about ideas that didn't work." Alice says, "You haven't even looked at my idea." Dan says, "Oh, I get it; you're one of those religious nuts."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #nobel prize commitee, #theories, #understand, #science, #simpilist soultrion, #heories, #vote ourselves

View Transcript

Transcript

Nobel Prize Committee: The three guys with Albert Einstein hair look at a stack of papers and say, "Okay, we've narrowed it down to the theories we don't understand." One guy says, "In science, the simplest solution is usually the best. Which of these theories is the simplest solution?" The second guy says, "Well... that would be whatever is on top of the pile." The third guy says, "Are you SURE we can't vote for ourselves?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #top priority, #project classified, #email, #project not feasible, #quality festival

View Transcript

Transcript

As Dilbert is working on the computer, The Boss comes over and says, "I fought to get your project classified as our top priority." Dilbert turns around and asks, "Did you get my e-mail saying the project isn't feasible?" The boss walks off and thinks, "I'll wait until tomorrow to tell him he's chairman of the 'quality festival'."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dogbert the consultant, #excellent advice, #50k monthly, #offer bad advice, #45k month

View Transcript

Transcript

Banner reading "Dogbert the Consultant" appears across top of page. Dogbert sitting in front of The Boss. Dogbert says, "I cab give you excellent advice for $50,000 per month." Dogbert sitting in chair continues, "If budget is a problem, I also offer bad advice for the low price of $45,000 per month." Dilbert and Alice watch as The Boss runs past their cubicle with scissors in hand. Alice says, "That's not a good sign."