Write Messages Comic Strips - Page 6

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

235 Results for Write Messages

View 51 - 60 results for write messages comic strips. Discover the best "Write Messages" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #software development work, #impoverished nation, #elbonia, #high quality code, #no risk, #red alert.elbonia, #be computer tomorrow

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Dilbert, "I moved our software development work to the impoverished nation of Elbonia." The Boss continues, "I'm brilliant. They write high-quality code for six cents a day! There's no risk!" Dilbert thinks, "Red alert!" In Elbonia, an Elbonian wearing a box on his head says, "Tomorrow, YOU be the computer." Another Elbonian stands in front of him pretending to type on a keyboard.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #elbonia, #check software, #under contract, #documentation, #elbonian language, #wiring easy, #hope to read

View Transcript

Transcript

The caption says, "Somewhere in Elbonia." Dilbert says to two Elbonians, "I've been assigned to check the software you're writing for us under contract." One Elbonian says, "The documentation is written in our own Elbonian language." The other asks, "Is that a problem?" Dilbert says, "That's better than I'd hoped. I was afraid nobody here knew how to write." An Elbonian responds, "Writing is easy. Someday we hope to read, too."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #become mimes, #blame the mimes, #debug, #elbonia, #four million dollars, #one million dollars, #quality assurance, #software, #programmers, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert points to a diagram on an overhead projector. Dilbert says to the Boss, "You saved one million dollars by having programmers in Elbonia write software for us." Dilbert continues, "But we wasted four million dollars trying to debug the software." Dilbert continues, "And the entire staff of our quality assurance group quit to become mimes." The Boss responds, "Let's blame the mimes; they won't talk."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #department newsletter, #high profile assignment, #technical writer, #intern and rodent, #spats page, #raise based, #topless model

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Tina the Tech Writer, Asok the Intern and Ratbert sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "I want you three to write the department newsletter. It's an important, high-profile assignment." Tina says, "I am an experienced technical writer. You have placed me on a project with an intern and a rodent." Tina continues, "MY next raise will depend on THEIR performance." Asok says, "I'll do the sports page!" Ratbert says, "I'll be the topless model on page two."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #write about newsletter, #grand tradition, #engineering, #lowest priority, #dont despise

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina the Tech Writer approaches Wally and says, "Wally, I'm hoping you'll agree to write about your project for the newsletter . . ." Tina continues, "And in the grand tradition of engineering, I expect you'll give this the lowest priority, thus making me despise you." Wally says lovingly, "So . . . are you saying you don't despise me NOW?" Tina screams, "We are NOT having a moment here!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #blood suckers, #coworkers, #famous novelist, #lowly tech writer, #scathing email messages, #write a book, #write witty, #dogcart career counselor

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina the Tech Writer sits at a table with Dogbert. Tina says, "I'm a lowly technical writer now, but my goal is to become a famous novelist." Tina continues, "My plan is to write witty and scathing e-mail messages about co-workers until a publisher gives me an advance." Dogbert says, "They might expect you to write a book at some point." Tina yells, "Blood suckers!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bugs program, #diskette, #fixed bugs, #code, #write program, #updating resume, #need it soon

View Transcript

Transcript

The garbage man says to Dilbert, "I couldn't help noticing the bugs in the program on this old diskette you threw away." The garbage man continues, "I fixed the bugs and tightened the code from twelve thousand lines to sixteen." Dilbert says, "It took me three months to write that program." The garbage man says, "I took the liberty of updating your resume. I'm guessing you'll need it soon."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #update objectives, #need targets, #hard work, #support management, #picture

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice sits at her desk. The Boss says, "It's time for me to update your objectives, Alice." The Boss continues, "We need targets that can only be achieved by amazingly hard work plus the constant support of management." The Boss says, "I'm busy, so you'll have to write them yourself." Alice asks, "What's wrong with this picture?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #incoming voicemail, #email everyday, #log onto network, #boss bossy, #print emails, #get sandwhich, #pre chew food, #bubble bee costumes, #engineers, #tricked, #hives, #no emails

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to his secretary, "Carol, from now on I'd like you to type up all of my incoming voice mail so I can just read it." The Boss continues, "And print out all of my e-mail every day so I don't have to log onto the network." The Boss continues, "And get me a sandwich from the cafeteria. Ooh, no cash. I'll pay you back." Carol asks, "Do you want me to prechew the sandwich or can you handle that on your own?" Carol says to Wally and Dilbert, "Listen up, you overpaid engineers . . ." Carol continues, "By order of our reclusive boss, the new dress code for engineers is bumblebee costumes." Carol continues, "If you don't believe me, send him voice mail and ask for yourself. Oh, and he wants you to buy him a sandwich." The Boss asks Carol, "Still no messages this week? Is everybody out sick?" Carol replies, "I heard they have hives." Dilbert stands next to the Boss wearing a bee costume.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new data encryption, #phb, #pointy haired boss, #converts email, #manager babble, #carry pepper spray, #supermodel

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his desk and tells Dogbert, "I invented a new data encryption program called P.H.B. which stands for Pointy-Haired Boss." Dilbert explains, "It converts e-mail into manager babble. Nobody can intercept and decode my private messages without the key." Dogbert asks, "Who would want to read YOUR messages?" Dilbert says, "Somebody MIGHT want to read my messages. It could happen!" Dogbert says, "And maybe you should carry pepper spray in case supermodels try to kiss you."