Your Fired Comic Strips - Page 6

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136 Results for Your Fired

View 51 - 60 results for your fired comic strips. Discover the best "Your Fired" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 10, 2002's comic on:


Tags #telecommuted for 4 years, #fired, #unemployment, #empowerment, #sixth sense

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Dilbert, Allen, and Wally are eating lunch. Allen says, "I telecommuted for four years without knowing until today that I'd been fired." Allen continues, "Apparently unemployment feels exactly like empowerment." Allen continues, "This is just like that movie, 'The Sixth Sense.' Did you like that movie, Wally?... Wally?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 30, 2002's comic on:


Tags #integrate, #inventroy, #finance systems, #nitiwt, #ogre, #fired, #thirty years

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The Boss says to Dilbert, "Dilbert, I want you to integrate our sales database with our inventory and finance systems." The Boss continues, "The managers of those systems are a nitwit, an ogre, and a $#!&% respectively." The Boss continues, "And they know that two of them will be fired when it's complete." Dilbert responds, "I can get that done in thirty years."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 28, 2002's comic on:


Tags #get fired, #mother, #drop lawsuit, #despicable wesels, #enjoy challenge, #demand dna test, #Family

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Dilbert and his mom are eating dinner. Dilbert says, "Mom, I'll get fired unless you drop your lawsuit against my company." Dilbert's mom replies, "Why do you work for a company that's managed by despicable weasels?" Dilbert responds, "They tell me it's because I enjoy the challenge." Dilbert's mom says, "I demand a DNA test."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 18, 2003's comic on:


Tags #evil director, #human resources, #fired, #unflattering comments, #transferring new job, #living for weekend, #business

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Headline: Catbert the Evil Director of Human Resources. Catbert sits behind a desk and says, "Hello, head-count." The employee asks, "Am I fired?" Catbert responds, "No, no, no..." Catbert says, "I'd never fire you for making unflattering comments to the press about the company." The employee responds, "Really? Everyone said you're evil." Catbert responds, "Heh, heh, thank you." He pauses and then continues, "But all I'm doing is transferring you to a new job." The employee says, "Gee, that doesn't sound bad." He pauses and then asks, "What is it?" Catbert says, "Our new assembly line is seven inches too low. Your job is to fix it." The employee's head is clamped in a machine. A factory worker is using his legs as a lever with which to operate the machine. The employee thinks, "I'm living for the weekend."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 23, 2003's comic on:


Tags #plant watering service, #less expensive one, #plastic plants

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The Boss says to Wally and Dilbert, "I fired our plant-watering service and hired a less expensive one." The Boss continues, "That's the sort of leadership that will turn this company around." Wally asks, "Were we doing well?" Dilbert says, "Our plants are plastic."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 05, 2003's comic on:


Tags #evil hr dircetor, #layoffs, #improve moral, #making tough deciosn, #feel more optimistic, #your fired

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Headline: Catbert: Evil H.R. Director. Catbert is sitting behind his desk, an employee is standing before him. Catbert says, "I'm reminding everyone that layoffs can improve morale." Catbert continues, "Layoffs prove that management is capable of making tough decisions to turn things around!" The employee responds, "You're right! I do feel more optimistic now!" Catbert adds, "Secondly, you're fired."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 18, 2003's comic on:


Tags #multiple personalities, #fired cowboy, #little girl, #twins, #aftrenoon, #mime

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"I'm trying to fire a guy who has multiple personalities." "I'm exhausted. I fired the cowboy, the little girl, and the astronaut this morning. I'll do the twins later this afternoon." "I'm tired, but it's a good tired." "Can I do the mime?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 28, 2003's comic on:


Tags #employee moral survey, #open, #honest, #communication from management, #death spiral, #looting comaony, #noise, #fishing lures, #e, #ploys suffer, #boss likes hurting, #sick boss, #negative force

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"I have the results of the employee morale survey." "The number one issue is 'not enough open and honest communication from management.'" "Well, okay. I'm willing to give that a try." "Management is looting the company while hiding the fact that we're in a death spiral." "Whenever you talk, I think about fishing lures until the noise stops." "When I see an employee suffer, it excites me in ways I don't understand." "On nine separate occasions I've fired bald guys because I thought they were you." "If this doesn't work for you. Let me know on next employee morale survey."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 20, 2003's comic on:


Tags #guest cartoonist, #nildo orbfutz, #consulting, #welocme, #breakroom, #on the job training

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"Who's today's guest cartoonist?" "At great expense, I've just hired Nildo Orbfutz as a consultant. He will increase our productivity hereby calculating how much time is actually wasted!" "Well, Nildo. How did you acquire your credentials? Degree in business management? HR? PR? Psychology?" "On-the-job training." "Let me guess: you've been fired from every job you ever had... for wasting time?" "Welcome to the wonderfuk world of consulting." "Answer: go to Dilbert.com."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 28, 2003's comic on:


Tags #hired wife, #mean, #condescending, #slave driver, #obnoxious

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The Boss: "I hired my wife to be our new receptionist." Boss: "I foresee no problems whatsoever." Wife: "Hey, Dipweed!" "Go buy me a bagel and a cappuccino." "Then wash my car and fill the gas tank." "NOW DANCE FOR ME, LITTLE MAN! HA HA! DANCE OR I'LL HAVE YOU FIRED!!!" "How may I help you? Have a nice day!" The boss: "Stop dancing in the lobby. My wife is trying to work."