Buy A Computer Comic Strips - Page 6

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882 Results for Buy A Computer

View 51 - 60 results for buy a computer comic strips. Discover the best "Buy A Computer" comics from Dilbert.com.

Randy Has A Microchip In His Brain

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Randy Has A Microchip In His Brain - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #intelligence, #technology, #nanotechnology, #biotechnology, #computer chip

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Boss: Randy is our first employee to have a computer chip embedded in his brain. Randy, please explain to these obsolete employees how awesome you are now. Randy: Wait... I'm updating my software. Alice: Should we kill him while he's vulnerable?

Erik Used To Work For The Cia

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Erik Used To Work For The Cia - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #surveillance, #cia, #technology, #spying, #privacy

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Boss: This is our new hire, Erik. He used to be a computer programmer for the CIA. Dilbert: Hi, I'm Dilbert. Erik: I know. I've been watching you through your devices for years. Dilbert: You what? Erik: Um... I mean, hi!

Priorities

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Priorities - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #priorities, #culture, #company, #money, #greed, #business

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Alice: There seems to be some confusion about what our company culture is. Boss: Our priorities are honesty, integrity, and return on investment. Alice: Which priority is the highest? Boss: Integrity won't buy me a new boat.

Boss Tweets Sexist Stuff

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Boss Tweets Sexist Stuff - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cell phone, #computer, #conversation, #desk, #tweets, #technology

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Our customers organized a boycott because of your racist tweet. I know. That's why I tweeted out some witty insults at the organizers. Your new tweets are sexist. Notice how the make you forget about my racist tweets?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #job, #scope, #negotiating, #engineer, #demands, #failure, #stress, #business, #engineering

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Boss: We need to cut our budget. Go to all of our vendors and tell them to reduce their prices. Dilbert: Why would they do that for us? Boss: Tell them we'll buy from someone else unless they do. Dilbert: That's what we told them to get the prices we have now. I'm an engineer, not a professional negotiator. Your plan has failure designed into it. Your poor leadership already has me on the edge of madness. This could push me over the edge. Boss: And I need it done by Tuesday.

Offending The Janitor

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Offending The Janitor - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #politically correct, #offensive, #language, #misunderstanding

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Boss: Ted, I have to fire you because you said something that offended the janitor. Ted: What did I say?! Boss: I don't know. The janitor has a thick accent and he's terrible at charades. Elbonian 1: Did you take care of the buy who keeps putting banana peels in the recycling? Elbonian 2: He won't do it again.

Tina Gives Buy In

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Tina Gives Buy In - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #negotiation, #money, #price, #cost, #value

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Dilbert: I need everyone's buy-in on my project. Tina: You can have my buy-in for $25. Dilbert: Ted only charged me $15. Tina: It isn't my fault that Ted is a bad negotiator.

Asok Approves

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Asok Approves - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #desperate, #desperation, #intern, #subordinate, #value, #importance

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Asok: I hear you need everyone's buy-in to proceed with your project. Dilbert: Everyone except you. No one cares what interns think. Asok: May I please approve it so I feel alive? Dilbert: Well... okay. But you owe me one.

Wally Gives Approval

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Wally Gives Approval - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #laziness, #signature, #ignorance, #reading, #fine print

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Dilbert: I need everyone's buy-in on this. Wally: Do I have to read it? Dilbert: No. Wally: That's the sort of idea I can get behind.

Alice Gives Approval

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Alice Gives Approval - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deal, #support, #negotiations

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Dilbert: Our pointy-haired boss asked me to get everyone's buy-in on this. Alice: I'll agree to your stupid idea if you support my great idea later. Dilbert: Deal. Alice: Should I read it? Dilbert: I don't see why.