Buy Put Options Comic Strips - Page 6

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727 Results for Buy Put Options

View 51 - 60 results for buy put options comic strips. Discover the best "Buy Put Options" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sociopath, #obliviousness, #tell-all

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Dilbert: There's a new tell-all book about our company. CEO: How bad is it? Dilbert: It's bad. Anonymous sources within the company say you're a "raging sociopath with the intellect of a clam." CEO: Put out a press release denying those lies! Dilbert: That's going to be tricky to write. CEO: Just say I deny being a sociopath with the mind of a clam. Also say I hope whoever said that about me dies a slow and terrible death. Is that clear? Dilbert: Yes, on many levels.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #add code, #corporate scamming, #darkest day, #designed new prodcut, #draft apology, #engineering success, #make unrelaible, #no upgarde, #press release, #ten years

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Dilbert: Ive designed our new product to work flawlessly for up to ten years. CEO: No one will need an upgrade. Thats no good. Add some code to low it down and make it unreliable after two years. CEO: But make sure the device doesn't slow down until we have an upgrade to sell. Then draft an apology I can put un a press realize when we get caught. Dilbert: You have turned my engineering success into the darkest day of my career. CEO: Thats not even close to being true. Your darkest day will be when the press figures out what we did and I fore you for it.

Money Can't Buy Happiness

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Money Can't Buy Happiness  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #happiness, #work, #motivation, #meaning, #money, #raise, #wages, #excuses, #psychology

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Dilbert: I want a raise. Boss: Money can't buy happiness. Dilbert: Then why do people work? Boss: To avoid unhappiness. Dilbert: What's my best-case scenario here? Boss: I'll motivate you toward a neutral, zombie-like existence.

Kill Code In Car

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Kill Code In Car  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #self-driving cars, #technology, #invention, #murder, #control, #government

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Dilbert: The government forced me to put a "kill code" in the operating system for our self-driving cars. Dogbert: And by "kill code," you mean it will bring the vehicle to a controlled stop? Dilbert: No, you're thinking of a "stop code."

Asok's Phone Case

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Asok's Phone Case  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cell phone, #aesthetics, #impractical, #practicality, #break, #screen, #technology

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Asok: I kept dropping my phone and breaking it, so now I keep it wrapped in a big ball of cotton. Wally: Why would you buy a phone that breaks so easily? Asok: I like the way it looks.

Beautiful, Slippery, Brittle

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Beautiful, Slippery, Brittle   - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #technology, #cell phones, #fragile, #aesthetics, #vanity

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Boss: When you engineer our new mobile phone product, make sure you adhere to the BSB design principle. Dilbert: BSB? Boss: Beautiful, slippery, brittle. Dilbert: Isn't that sort of evil? Boss: It isn't our fault if customers don't buy an ugly case.

Zimbu Tests The App

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 Zimbu Tests The App - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #technology, #addiction, #stimulus, #animal testing, #social media

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Narrator: Zimbu The Monkey. Dilbert: We need to do animal testing on our new app. Do you mind taking a look? Zimbu: I'm getting a strong dopamine hit every time I click on it. Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Dilbert: May I have it back? Zimbu: Put that hand away before I bite it off.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #lying, #deception, #secret, #choosing, #choices

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Man: Don't tell Dilbert I told you what he plans to do. Alice: What if he asks me how I found out? Man: You should lie. Alice: You have given me two bad choices. If I don't change my plans based on this new information, I'll have big problems. But if I act on it, Dilbert will ask me how I knew, and that will turn me into a liar. Man: Yes, those are your only options. Alice: Unless... Man: There's no "unless." You have only two options. Just two! Alice: Have you ever seen the view from the roof?

Dilbert Did Not Move The Server Rack

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Dilbert Did Not Move The Server Rack - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #rumors, #accusation, #lying, #obstinacy

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Boss: Why did you move the server rack? Dilbert: I didn't. Boss: You must be lying because I heard you did. Dilbert: Isn't it more likely you're wrong? Boss: Considering all the options, I like the one where I'm right about everything and you're a stinkin' liar.

Make It Hard To Uninstall

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Make It Hard To Uninstall - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #customer service, #business strategy, #sales, #deception, #business

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Boss: Don't focus so much on making the software do what our customers want it to do. Just make it hard for users to uninstall it. Dilbert: Why would they buy it in the first place? Boss: A big part of our strategy involves lying.