Called Resources Comic Strips - Page 6

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

462 Results for Called Resources

View 51 - 60 results for called resources comic strips. Discover the best "Called Resources" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #happiness, #work, #torture, #human resources, #hr, #manipulation, #content, #psychology, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: The one called Dilbert is showing signs of happiness at work. Boss: That means we can give him more work and he won't quit. Excellent. Is anyone else exhibiting signs of unauthorized happiness? Catbert: No. Everyone else is in the narrow band of misery you want them to be in. If they were any happier, it would mean you're overpaying them. If they were any less happy, the would take their own lives. If you don't hear any laughing or screaming, it means you're doing something right. Boss: What about moans? Catbert: Moans are ideal. That's the sweet spot.

Oxygen Not In The Budget

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Oxygen Not In The Budget - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #space flight, #astronaut, #oxygen, #breathing, #leadership, #obliviousness

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I'm happy to announce that we launched our company's spaceship to Mars. We only had enough in the budget to give them oxygen for three-quarters of the trip. So I told them to breathe smarter, not harder. It's called leadership.

Bought His Last Company

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Bought His Last Company - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #comparison, #comparing, #merger, #acquisition, #liquidation, #layoff, #redundancy, #big business, #competition, #darwin

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: That's now how we did it at my prior company. Boss: We bought your old company, fired all of the employees, and discontinued all of its products. Man: How is that possible? Boss: It's called "survival of the fittest." It's just science.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #engagement, #review, #shortcut, #honesty, #human resources, #hr, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: How's your employee engagement coming along? Dilbert: I'll make you a deal... I'll pretend I'm happy to be here if you pretend you believe it. Boss: I need more than that. I also want you to pretend you're loyal to the company. Dilbert: I can do that, if you pretend you're interested in my career development. Boss: Can we do all of that without talking? Dilbert: That's the best way. Boss: My job was a lot harder before I figured out all the shortcuts.

A System For Transferring Mistakes

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
A System For Transferring Mistakes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #blame, #mistake, #boss, #review, #human resources, #revenge, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Make sure we get all of the cost savings that our vendor promised with our new software. Dilbert: Those savings are not real. The vendor lied to you because you know nothing about technology. Boss: If only I had some way to turn my mistake into his mistake. Catbert: It's called a performance review.

Addictive Apps

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Addictive Apps - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #technology, #app, #zombie, #mindlessness, #cell phone, #marketing, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Our plan is to use design psychology to make our apps more addictive. Ideally, we want to strip people of their free will and turn them into mindless upgrading zombies. Dilbert: I'd feel better if we called that "marketing." Boss: I need you to be more mindless, too.

Dashboard For The Boss

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dashboard For The Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #technology, #ruse, #trick, #deception.

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: It's called a dashboard. It shows the current status of all our projects. With a tool like this, you never need to ask us for status updates. Wally: How'd the fake dashboard gambit work out? Dilbert: Great! He hasn't talked to me in weeks.

Wally's Cousin Ronnie Dies

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally's Cousin Ronnie Dies - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #human resources, #hr, #funeral, #time off, #bereavement, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I need to take some bereavement time, with pay, because my cousin Ronnie died. Catbert: Cousins don't count unless you married one. Wally: We were domestic partners. What's the police on that, you bigot?

Ted Has No Family

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ted Has No Family - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #human resources, #judgement, #deciding, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Ted went on extended disability because a fly went up his nose and laid eggs. Boss: I want to be green, but I don't know if I should side with the fly or the employee in this situation. Catbert: Well, for what it's worth, Ted doesn't have a family, but the fly does.

Social Justice Warrior

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Social Justice Warrior - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sjw, #hiring, #internet, #troll, #trolling, #sensitivity, #political correcness, #politically correct, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: According to people on the Internet, you're what's called a "social justice warrior." Man: The tone of your voice indicates you are against me. And that means you are making common cause with racists. Boss: If I hire you, will you stop saying crazy stuff like that? Man: Censorship!