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Dilbert is giving a presentation. He says, "The original schedule looked like this..." Dilbert points to a slide and says, "One month for a management decision and one year to do the project." The Boss, Wally, and Alice listen as Dilbert continues, "The revised schedule is this..." Dilbert continues, "One year of indecision followed by intense pressure to do the impossible before the deadline." Dilbert passes a box of 3-D glasses and says, "Now if you'll each take a pair of 3-D glasses..." Dilbert continues, "You can see the layers of management incompetence practically jump out at you." Dilbert hands out cards and says, "Now scratch one of these scented cards to sniff the unmistakable odor of doom." Wally and Alice are suffering from the smell. The Boss says, "I don't smell anything. Is mine broken?"
Dilbert is at the airport. The Elbonian at the ticket counter of Elbonia Air says, "I don't see your reservation." The Elbonian continues, "Maybe it's because all of our computers are cardboard props that we stole from a furniture store." The Elbonian holds gloves out towards Dilbert and says, "For security purposes, would you care to frisk me?" Dilbert responds, "Yes."
Alice is sitting at her computer. The Boss approaches and says, "Make the box bluer." The Boss continues, "A little more.. A little more... A little more.." Alice interrupts, "That's it!!" Alice opens her drawer and exclaims, "When you get tired of micromanaging me..." Alice hands The Boss a cup of blood and continues, "Put this sample of my blood under a microscope so you can manage me on a cellular level." Alice continues yelling, "And here's a book by Erwin Schrodinger in case you'd like to manage me on a quantum level!" Alice screams, "Do you understand what I'm saying?" The Boss walks out carrying the blood sample and book. He thinks, "Free gifts." The Boss sits at his desk and says to the blood sample, "Now I want all of you white blood cells to spell 'Hi.'"
Wally and Dilbert are in the mail room. Wally says, "I have mail! I've never had mail in twelve years here." Wally continues, "It's not addressed to me but it was in my box so I'm keeping it." Dilbert asks, "No mail for twelve years?" Wally responds, "If I hold it just right it glistens."
Dilbert is carrying a box. He says to Alice, "I'm moving into a vacant private office. I got the last one." Dilbert continues, "I hope this doesn't cause ill-will in the cubicle-bound co- workers I'm leaving behind." Alice furrows her brow. Dilbert continues, "All I ask is that when you enter Diltopia, you bow in reverence and take off your shoes." Alice clenches her teeth in anger.
Dilbert says to Catbert, "I can't complete the online self-assessment survey. It asks where I need improvement and I don't need any." Dilbert continues, "The program won't let me leave that question blank." Catbert responds, "Just check the box that says you steal." Dilbert responds, "And people will understand that I don't mean it?" Catbert grins and says, "Sure."
Alice is sitting at her computer. The Boss approaches from behind with a package in his hand and says, "Happy service anniversary, Alice." The Boss continues, "We're out of twenty-year pins so I got twenty of the one- year pins." The Boss hands Alice the package and says, "You can pin these babies all over your blouse... or fishing hat if you prefer." The Boss continues, "The card says, 'To Kathy' but it was never opened. For some reason she quit the day she got her twenty pins." The Boss continues, "Incidentally, I have to charge you $262 for the pins. The company doesn't pay for them." Alice holds the box angrily. Alice responds, "First of all, I've only worked here for about six years.." The Boss interrupts, "Wow, you look older. Anyway, just give me the $262 and throw away eight pins and we'll call it good." Alice rolls up her sleeve and shakes with anger. She holds one arm back with the other. The Boss asks, "Why are you rolling up your sleeve? Are you going to pin them to your arm?
Dilbert and Alice open a box as Wally stands by, drinking coffee. Alice says, "Dilbert, we should read the set-up instructions." Alice and Dilbert lift the contraption out of the box as Dilbert replies, "Alice, a true engineer never reads the set-up instructions." Wally takes a sip of coffee. Dilbert continues holding the contraption as Alice reads the instruction manual: "It says to keep it away from any slurping sounds." Just then, an arm reaches out and grabs Wally's head.
Dilbert sits at his computer and thinks, "They can make me work in a little box, but they can't crush my spirit." The Boss says to Dilbert, "Our ISO 9000 Coordinator died of boredom. You'll have to do his job plus yours." Dilbert's head sinks to his chest as The Boss says, "And one of the Quality Assurance guys is looking pale..."
JURY SELECTION JUDGE: JUROR eight, do you have any medical problems that would prevent you from serving? NO, I need jury duty. Judge: Would iy be fair to say you odnt know what you need? MAN HOLE IN HEAD: Why does everyone ask me that>