Ceo Plans Comic Strips - Page 6

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

674 Results for Ceo Plans

View 51 - 60 results for ceo plans comic strips. Discover the best "Ceo Plans" comics from Dilbert.com.

Bad Denials

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Bad Denials - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #spying, #elbonia

View Transcript

Transcript

ceo: have you confirmed that the cyber attacks are coming from elbonia? dilbert: no. ceo: i guess that means you are on their side. dilbert: what? catbert: what proof do you have that dilbert is a spy? ceo: he didn't deny it the way I think he should have.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bugs, #business, #fire, #office, #office workers, #quit, #system

View Transcript

Transcript

ceo: ned won 't return any of my messages. ceo: fire him the boss: i can't do that. the boss holding hands out: ned is indispensable. ceo: what makes him indispensable? the boss: he's the only one who knows how to fix bugs in our system. ceo: what system? the boss: i don't know. ceo: then how do you know he's indispensable? the boss: ned told me. ceo: fire him anyway. dilbert: ned quit two years ago.

Engineers Don't Lie

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Engineers Don't Lie - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #business, #office, #office workers, #ceo

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss: i saw dilbert talking to the ceo. i think he's trying to undermine me. catbert: engineers don't lie. the boss: that's what worries me.

Chatting With The Ceo

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Chatting With The Ceo - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #sarcasm, #ceo

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss: i saw you chatting with our eco. what was that all about? dilbert: we were talking about what a great job you do. dilbert: you believe that, right? the boss: seems plausible.

Wally Plans His Retirement

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Plans His Retirement - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #retirement, #profit

View Transcript

Transcript

wally: the product i'm developing will be unprofitable for the first none years, but revenue will surge in the tenth. the boss: didn't you tell me you plan to retire in nine years? wally: maybe. the boss: you will be happily retired before we find out if profits really do surge in year ten. the boss: that makes everything you say sound suspicious. wally: numbers don't lie. the boss: who came up with the numbers? wally: that's all the time we have for questions.

Not In My Town

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Not In My Town - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #engineering, #office, #office workers, #nuclear

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: i engineered a totally safe design for nuclear power plants. ceo: how sure are you that it is safe? dilbert: one hundred percent. ceo: just keep it away from my town. dilbert: maybe it wasn't an engineering problem after all.

Birds Cause Hurricanes

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Birds Cause Hurricanes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #ceo, #research, #nonsense, #hurricans, #birds, #noted, #polar bears, #hate, #snow

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: I don't know enough about climate change to sound smart when people talk about it. Boss: Try doing your own research. That's how I learned that hurricanes are caused by birds. CEO: Write that down for me. Boss: And did you know polar bear hate snow?

Employee Engagement Is Up

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Employee Engagement Is Up - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employees, #managers & supervisors, #obliviousness, #questions, #data, #measurement

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: And I've improved employee engagement by nineteen percent. CEO: What is employee engagement? Boss: I'm not entirely sure. CEO: Then how do you measure it? Boss: Honestly, I wasn't expecting a lot of questions.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #decision, #executives, #managers & supervisors, #sarcasm, #success, #manipulation

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: Profits have increased thirty percent under my leadership. Dilbert: Snort. CEO: What? Dilbert: All you do is pick the best plans from the options we show you. CEO: Exactly, and I pick the best plan every time. Dilbert: That's because we only show you the best plans compared to the worst plans we can think of. We control every decision you make by manipulating your perception of the options. CEO: We need to fix that. Dilbert: How do you fix something that isn't broken?

Crypto Key

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Crypto Key - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ceo, #Wally, #cryptocurrency, #wallet, #disappeared, #private, #key

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: I put five thousand dollars into the cryptocurrency wallet you created for me and it disappeared! You're the only other person who knew my password and private key. Wally: That's not true. I shared them with Dilbert to create reasonable doubt.