Daily Water Waster Comic Strips - Page 6
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The Boss: "Don't blame me, but there's no budget to give you a raise this year." Alice: "Why not?" The boss: "My business trip to Las Vegas cost four million dollars because I passed out in the bathtub with the water running and flooded five floors." The boss; "The bartenders there are totally irresponsible."
Dilbert: Our new product is either wildly successful or underwater... DIlbert: depending on ho you want to allocate management over head expenses. Dilbert: Apparently you don't want to think about it and get back to me
WallyL Tina would you like y go to lunch with me? as a coworker or as a date? as a respected colleague. tina: sounds fishy. I know you're up to something: I just don't know what. you're getting the better deal. I'll be looking at your face but you get to look at me. Maybe you could hike up your jacket to occur your face. wally: fair enough, Tina: thi sis not a a=date. I insist on paying fifty percent. wally: Ok. Tina: I'll have the miser salad and water. wally: I'll have three half priced new york steaks.
"Did you see all of the typos in Dilbert's e-mail?" "Were you confused about its meaning?" "No, that's not the point." "Then I don't know what your point is." "I think he should be more professional. That's all." "So, instead of sending clear, efficient messages, he should follow your example and..." "...Be a gossipy, critical, time-waster who values appearance over function?" "Are you done hurting me now?" "I'm saving a scoffing sound for when you turn to leave."
Doctor Dogbert Show "Your problem is that you're a lazy, selfish, immoral moron." "Shouldn't you listen to my story before passing judgement?" "I'm adding 'time waster' to the list." "You're like a miracle worker."
The Boss: "When I found out that the manager who replaced me was a witch, I set a fire in the break room." "The automatic sprinkler system came on and melted her. Witches don't like water." "Are you glad to have me back?" "I've been doing CPR on this blob for two days."
The Boss: "Dilbert, meet your new coworker, Buff Bufferman." "Tell Dilbert what you do for fun." Buff: "I like to go rock climbing during blizzards." The boss: "Escape." Buff: "At the top, I wait for a pair of eagles to fly by. Then I leap off and grab them by the legs." "The eagles slow my descent to the raging river below." "I try to land on a floating log and surf the white water all the way home." Dilbert: "I use a key-board." Buff: "Isn't that dangerous?" Dilbert: "Sometimes I type all hunched over." "Ow! Ow! It hurts to hear it!"
Headline: A Few Years Ago. Catbert says, "The company will no longer provide free soft drinks." Headline: This Year. Catberrt says, "No more free coffee, and no more free bottled water." Headline: In the Future. Catbert is in a space suit. He says, "Don't swallow your saliva."
Dogbert is standing on The Boss' desk wearing a hat, a backpack, and holding a stick. Dogbert says, "I will study the culture in your company and make detailed recommendations." Dogbert observes Wally and records, "The one I call Wally is a docile outcast who eats bananas and drinks brown water." Dogbert asks Wally, "Do you mind if I staple this tracking device to your ear?" Wally responds, "Not really."
A coworker is sitting at his computer. Dilbert asks him, "Did you finish the vendor comparison that you promised you'd give me today?" The coworker mutters, "No." The coworker says, "I'm one of those people that needs to be threatened every day or I won't do anything." Dilbert says, "You're very defective." The coworker responds, "Good start. I'm beginning to feel something."