Days Of Our Lives Comic Strips - Page 6
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Wally: I'm planning to take advantage of our new unlimited vacation policy. I'll be gone for two hundred days in the coming year. And I guarantee I will still double my productivity compared to the prior year. Boss: There's no way to measure productivity for engineers. Wally: Good to know.
Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources Catbert: We're jumping on the fad of giving employees unlimited vacation days. The only gating factor will be the knowledge that taking any time off whatsoever will torpedo your career. Alice: So... now our vacations will be a source of stress? Catbert: Only as much as you want. It's totally up to you.
NSA Agent: Maybe a few days in solitary will make you tell us how you stole the government's data. Dilbert: Is this the cell with the hidden tunnel? NSA Agent: The what? Dilbert: I'll be at the Elbonian embassy.
Boss: It took us three days at the executive retreat to come up with a name for our new procurement policy. We named it the "Procurement Operations Oversight Policy." Dilbert: P.O.O.P.? Boss: Do you know how many managers it takes to come up with a good name? Dilbert: A few more than you had?
Wally: I programmed our robot to make medical diagnoses. It can scan your body using its neutrino sensor. Robot, please demonstrate. Robot: Dead man walking! Boss: What? Robot: Your brain is the size of a dried apricot. Your heart is more cheeseburger than human tissue. You will be dead in eleven days, six hours, and nineteen minutes. Boss: Gaaa!!! Robot: Why did you program me to hate people? Wally: It was easier than inventing a neutrino sensor.
Marketing Guy: We need to know how our customers live and work. I'd like each of you to write fictional biographies that describe the daily lives of our typical customers. I feel you're not taking this seriously. Dilbert: Most of our customers drown in aquariums. The Marketing Guy. Five Minutes Later.
Wally: Our mission, vision, strategy, road map, and core values are not aligned. So instead of flailing around with no clear direction, I plan to spend my days looking at inappropriate websites. Yesterday, when you said, "Bring me solutions, not problems," I hope you meant it.
Dilbert: I found a backdoor into NASA's asteroid tracking satellite. I see that a big one is heading directly toward... Gaaaa!!! Dogbert: What? What? Dilbert: I must fill my final days with love. Dogbert: You ruined my ears, jerk!
Dilbert: A fresh new year is upon us and I am brimming with optimism. Ugh. Our network at work is down because my pointy-haired boss wouldn't let me upgrade the software. Now I need to work all night to fix it. Maybe this means the next 364 days will be extra awesome. Dogbert: Yeah. That's how it works.
Alice: Have you seen Wally? Dilbert: He's been in the men's room for two days. He used to leave when he was done reading the paper, but he switched to an iPad and now he doesn't know when he's finished. Alice: He has to come out to eat. Pizza Guy: I have a pizza for the third stall.