Doesn't Respond Comic Strips - Page 6

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

448 Results for Doesn't Respond

View 51 - 60 results for doesn't respond comic strips. Discover the best "Doesn't Respond" comics from Dilbert.com.

Too Dumb To Understand

Thank you for voting.
Too Dumb To Understand - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 11, 2017's comic on:


Tags #insult, #intelligence, #ego

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Your idea will never work. Dilbert: That's because you're too dumb to understand it. My idea would look brilliant if you were sixty percent smarter. Man: I don't know how to respond to that. Dilbert: That's consistent with my hypothesis.

Product Warning Is Too Long

Thank you for voting.
Product Warning Is Too Long - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 26, 2017's comic on:


Tags #technical writer, #instructions, #caution, #warning, #safety, #criticism

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: My boss, who knows nothing about technical writing, told me to cut my 700-page product warning down to 500 pages. He doesn't appreciate my art. Dilbert: Sounds like both of you are idiots. Tina: This will go smoother if you stop talking.

Bad At Your Job

Thank you for voting.
Bad At Your Job - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 22, 2017's comic on:


Tags #managers, #instructions, #directions, #insubordinate

View Transcript

Transcript

Ted: Your code doesn't conform to my architectural guidelines. Dilbert: That's because you're bad at your job and I'm good at mine. Ted: I don't know how to respond to that. Dilbert: Maybe you could ask someone who knows how to do your job.

Ted Promoted To Software Architect

Thank you for voting.
Ted Promoted To Software Architect - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 18, 2017's comic on:


Tags #manager, #Promotion, #intelligence, #logic, #obliviousness

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I promoted Ted to software architect because he doesn't know how to code. At first I thought it was a bad idea. Then I remembered that sometimes monkeys are astronauts. Dilbert: You know the monkeys don't fly the rocket, right? Boss: And Ted won't be writing code.

Unethical Assumptions

Thank you for voting.
Unethical Assumptions - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 11, 2017's comic on:


Tags #money, #ethics, #misleading, #finances, #budget

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Your financial projection doesn't support my preferred strategy. Maybe you could tweak the discount rate to 40%. Dilbert: You're asking me to be unethical. Boss: Only with your assumptions.

Collusion In The Mind Only

Thank you for voting.
Collusion In The Mind Only - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 23, 2017's comic on:


Tags #collusion, #russia, #donald trump, #publicity, #blame, #accusation

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: So, I hear you colluded with our Elbonian competitors. Dilbert: No, I was cleared of that. Carol: Then why's it still in my head? Dilbert: I don't know how to respond to that. Carol: I take that as proof you're guilty.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 04, 2017's comic on:


Tags #insult, #idiot, #obliviousness

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: As you know, every project in this company has one idiot on the team. Man: That can't be true. Boss: It is true. I assign one idiot per team to keep them from bunching together. Man: My project team doesn't have any idiots. Dilbert: There's a good explanation for why you think that. Man: I Don't see what that would be. If I had an idiot on my team I would know it. Unless...

Normals Are Dispensible

Thank you for voting.
Normals Are Dispensible - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 25, 2017's comic on:


Tags #superiority, #microchip, #nanotechnology, #brain, #thinking, #superhuman

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I'm putting Randy on your project. He has a microchip embedded in his brain. So ignore whatever your inferior brain tells you to do and just listen to Randy. Dilbert: Doesn't that make me dispensable? Boss: We'll talk about Phase 2 later.

Robot's Head Explodes

Thank you for voting.
Robot's Head Explodes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 16, 2017's comic on:


Tags #technology, #artificial intelligence, #ai, #free will, #programming, #control

View Transcript

Transcript

Robot: Dilbert claims he programmed my head to explode if I ever mock him again. Hahaha!!! That idiot doesn't understand that I have free will and I choose to not explode. Wally: Why didn't you just program him to not mock you? Dilbert: It got personal.

Tina Wants To Borrow Dilbert's Phone

Thank you for voting.
Tina Wants To Borrow Dilbert's Phone - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 02, 2017's comic on:


Tags #cell phone, #property, #possession, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: Can I borrow your phone to make a call? I dropped mine and broke it. Dilbert: No, I don't like other people touching my phone, or breathing on it, or reading my messages. Tina: You have a lot of issues. Dilbert: Said the person who doesn't use protective phone cases because they are ugly.