Dogbert Comic Strips - Page 6
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1000 Results for Dogbert
View 51 - 60 results for dogbert comic strips. Discover the best "Dogbert" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday January 09,
2021
Bribe One Judge
Tags business, business ethics, consumer, lawsuit, assignment, judge, bribe, lawyer, insult
Transcript
dogbert to boss: you have over seven hundred consumer lawsuits filed against you. if i can get them all assigned to the same judge, you only have to bribe one person. boss: are you even a lawyer? dogbert: heavens, no, and i didn't come here to be insulted.
Top Dilbert Searches
marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Saturday January 02,
2021
Audit Blackmail
Tags business ethics, business, audit, software, blackmail, free, network, money, dollars
Transcript
dogbert: my audit of your company has uncovered a number of software vulnerabilities. for example, a blackmailer could take control of your network and make you pay a billion dollars to get it back. ceo: good work. what do we owe you? dogbert: the audit is free. i only did it to find ways to blackmail you.
Friday January 01,
2021
Cock Fights
Tags business, business ethics, audit, disturbing, results, sales, department, cockfight, invitation, rooster
Transcript
dogbert: my audit of your company has uncovered many disturbing things. for example, did you know that the sales department holds cockfights on the third floor every tuesday? boss: why have i never been invited? dogbert: you're not a rooster.
Thursday December 31,
2020
Dogbert The Auditor
Tags business, business ethics, consultant, company, fee, fraud, crime, report, question
Transcript
dogbert: for a reasonable fee, i will audit your company and find any fraud or crime if it exists. dilbert: what's to stop you from taking bribes from the fraudsters and reporting that everything is fine? dogbert: my business model depends on you not asking that kind of question.
Saturday December 26,
2020
Dogbert The Watcher
Tags work from home, bribe, home, nap, efficient, employer, employment, wiser, unethical
Transcript
dilbert at home. dilbert: i did more work from home today before 10 a.m. than i could do in the office all day. i could take a nap for the rest of the day, and no one would be the wiser. dogbert: your employer pays me to watch you at home, but i wouldn't say no to a well-considered bribe. dilbert: i can work with that.
Wednesday December 09,
2020
Dogbert 5 G Testing
Tags business, technology, 5g, testing, low-cost, phone, prototype, eggs, fry, silly, qualified, experts, safety, email, bill
Transcript
tina: i don't want to sit too near your 5G phone prototype. i worry that it will fry my eggs. boss: don't be silly. this phone was extensively tested for safety by qualified experts. boss to dogbert: i need you to test this 5G phone for safety. dogbert at desk labeled "low-cost testing: it looks fine to me. i'll email you my bill.
Wednesday December 02,
2020
Buying Tee Shirts
Tags clothing, purchase, retail, size, small, t-shirt, home, shopping
Transcript
dilbert and dogbert at home. dilbert: do you like my new t-shirt? it's two sizes too small, but that's all they had. dogbert: wouldn't it be better to buy shirts that you like that are also the right size? dilbert: in theory, yes. but i have been buying t-shirts for years, and i don't recall seeing that option.
Sunday November 29,
2020
Dogbert Does Telemedicine
Tags business, technology, telemedicine, time, doctor, health, pain, rake, leaves, medicine
Transcript
dogbert: i started doing telemedicine in my spare time. Dilbert: don't you need to be a doctor to do that? dogbert: technically, yes. but i found a workaround. dilbert: which is? dogbert: i tell people i'm a doctor. patient: doctor, i have a sharp pain in the back of my thigh. dogbert: are you sitting on a rake? patient: that's a weird question. oh. wait, i am. what should i do? dogbert: try picking up leaves with your hands.
Monday November 23,
2020
Share Your Screen
Tags embarrassment, technology, business, office, video conference, zoom, share, screen, quit
Transcript
dilbert looking at laptop on video conference voice from laptop: let me share my screen and i'll...uh-oh. oops. not that screen. don't judge me! how do i make it go away?!!! gaaa!!! i can't take the embarrassment! i quit! Dogbert and dilbert in another room dogbert: how was your zoom call? dilbert: best one ever.
Friday November 20,
2020
Ghost Writer
Tags author, ghostwriter, autobiography, ghost, fingers, clothes, keyboard, business
Transcript
dogbert: you should hire a ghostwriter to write your autobiography. dilbert: that's dumb. a ghost's fingers would go right through the keyboard. dogbert: then how do their clothes stay on? dilbert: fair point.

